I'm alive! I swear!

It's hard to believe it's been so long since I've posted anything . . . I guess I just haven't been inspired to blog lately?

I won't lie, I have been itching to start writing a wellness blog on Wordpress for some time now, but that's kind of a pet project anyway. I can explain more later -- and I promise, I'm not cheating on Blogger.

These last few weeks have been interesting. Not too much happening, but still busy, busy, busy . . . Wow. Last week, I went to a fundraiser for the campaign I'm helping with, which was actually a lot of fun. It turned into a big networking project because I was meeting so many people and swapping many a business card. Awesome. :)

After the fundraiser, one of the other volunteers from the campaign was playing a gig with his band in Los Gatos, so a bunch of us trekked over and hung out at a neat bar called Mountain Charley's which is upstairs above some other shops and had a really neat feel to it. The band was awesome and of course, it was nice to kick back, have a few drinks and get my boogie on with some cool people.

Friday night, Annie came into town and we hit a pub in Sunnyvale. What were we thinking? Sunnyvale is cool, but not as cool as downtown San Jose. Not by a longshot (apologies to any Sunnyvale readers who think their downtown is a big freakin' deal -- I don't share that opinion but maybe someday I will). We danced with a Samuel L. Jackson look-alike who told us we smelled good (seriously) and had a drink or so.

Saturday, Annie and I looked at an apartment (for her, I'm not moving for a LONG time) and went to the beach in Santa Cruz where we learned how to build a bonfire without the assistance of lighter fluid. Annie gets the credit for the building, I get the credit for the moral support and wood-scrounging. We burned old letters from ex-boyfriends. It seemed kind of poetic . . . sort of.

Well, it did until I woke up the next morning and logged into Facebook to find out that the ex whose letters I read and skimmed one last time before tossing into a fire is now engaged. That's right. My fine, how-do-you-do yesterday morning was seeing "Jake R____ is engaged to Leanne H_____." Oh . . . holy . . . crap.

My heart may have actually stopped. It was like a bomb that kept exploding. Needless to say, we opted not to stay indoors and chose to grab coffee and take a long drive. A few friends called to check in on me -- most likely to verify that I hadn't thrown myself off my balcony, which was very much appreciated.

I guess, more than anything, I'm just stunned . . . My ex that I had at one point planned on marrying, the one that I split with less than a year ago, has asked someone else to marry him. It's not that I never expected him to move on (I was genuinely happy for him when he had started dating someone), I just never would have expected the first girlfriend after me would be the one he'd end up proposing to. Shocked, stunned, and yes, even a little upset, but this will wear off, I'm sure.

So that's where we're at . . . And the weather is really reflective of what's going on, I'd say. Rainy, stormy, and "grey" -- if that's a weather pattern.

Anyway, I did manage to put in a guest post over at Meghan's blog, so there was SOME blog productivity happening . . . ;o)

Hope everyone else is faring better -- hopefully I'll have something more articulate next time.

Happy Monday! (If there is such a thing . . .)

Make me over . . .

There's such a buzzing, positive vibe going around today . . . and I think I caught it.

This week has been a teensy bit trying as I was trying to recharge without actually giving myself time or opportunity to do so. As much as I try to fight it, I AM an introverted person - I communicate better in writing, I can be more withdrawn in some social situations because having lots of people around physically/mentally/emotionally drains me, etc. I'm not shy, not antisocial, I just need my alone time to energize myself.

So this morning at the office, we're busybusybusy . . . but it feels GOOD, surprisingly enough. I feel like I've caught a bug - a positivity/optimism bug and I like it.

I feel more productive and engaged in my workplace. I feel like I'm growing . . . It sounds a little hokey, I'm sure, but when I'm slammed in a positive way, I enjoy feeling like they're keeping me stimulated and on-my-toes.

If I had a million dollars . . .

Just for today, I'm inclined to think on what I would do with a million dollars. There's so much I'd like to do, but what would make it special? I mean, I'd love to pay off my car, buy a house, and all those other lovely things that would set me up so I'm not shelling out several hundred dollars a month in rent and car payments, but what else . . . ?

* Traveling

Kind of a given, but I'd love to tour Morocco, Egypt, India, Australia, France, Switzerland, Germany, England, Italy, Ireland and Spain. I'd die to go to Greece, but I'm saving that as my ideal honeymoon. If the future hubs and I don't go to Greece . . . You know what, scratch that . . . I really hope to marry a man who knows how happy that would make me. (Obviously, I could change my mind, but for now, I'm just dreaming.)

* A library

What I would give to have a whole ROOM of nothing but BOOKS! To put all of my books in one area and keep adding and adding to the collection. Ah, to be supremely wealthy and have something like that! I consider myself very fortunate to have had two parents who both enjoy reading and liked reading to me when I was little. I had a babysitter who was in school to be a teacher at the time who taught me so much -- like how to count to 20 in Japanese when I was two. My first grade teacher probably impacted my love of reading the most -- she sent me home with chapter books while other kids took home little paper books their parents would sign saying Little Johnny had read this aloud to them. I've been a big reader ever since -- heck, I got my degree in reading! (English literature, folks.) To have a room all my own filled with some of the best stories ever penned? My heart races at the thought . . . :oD Maybe someday . . . For now, I'm content to have my outdoor reading space on my balcony.

So that's a short list of what I'd do with a million dollars. There's plenty more I'd like to do (like have a small amount set aside for my wedding someday, save for my kids' college funds, etc.) but those are more pragmatic, future-minded decisions. These are just for fun . . .

What would you do with a million bucks? :o)

Vetoed.

Conversation between me and my buddy, Adam:

Me - Oooh! Oooh! *raises hand* Campaign suggestion!!! We should have Jim answer everything with "That's what she said."

Adam - Vetoed.





Rats. Guess this is why I'll never really have a career in politics . . . This and my irrepressible sarcasm and inability to take anything too seriously.

The best laid plans . . .

Last night sooooo did not turn out the way that I'd expected -- in fact, it turned out better.

I left work a little worried that I'd be late to the fundraiser because I was wanting to go home and change my pants. As luck would have it, pomegranate lipgloss had dripped on my pants earlier in the day, meaning I had a lovely berry-colored stain on one leg. Fabulous.

In a last minute change of plans, I opted not to go home because the stain was located near the inseam of one leg and I rationalized a.) most people wouldn't be looking at that spot on my pants, and b.) that I could always just keep my legs crossed and no one will notice at all.

The fundraiser started off a little . . . erm, boring. (Sorry, Adam -- I doubt you're reading this, but just in case . . .) Political fundraisers are reputed to be a little dry and this one lived up to that. It got progressively more interesting (one gentleman stopped by claiming to be the most accurate, prolific prophet alive today -- we didn't really know how to take that) and ended with me and Adam -- the campaign manager and possibly my long lost cousin (we have the same last name) -- hanging out afterwards with another friend and some leftover wine.

My mom had sent me a text earlier asking if we could postpone our run, so at that point, I decided to relax and not stress about the agenda for the rest of the evening. I was at the restaurant until almost 11. They had kicked us out of the restaurant to close and we all still sat in the parking lot and chatted for a while longer.

I didn't get to bed quite as early as I'd hoped, but it was a much better night than anticipated. Today, I'm wearing green and sipping birch beer with lunch. (All of my readers and blog buddies on the east coast probably know exactly what I'm talking about, but let me tell you, finding birch beer in California is like trying to find a four-leaf clover (not impossible, but pretty frickin' hard!) I haven't had this stuff since I lived in Pennsylvania! (It's been at least fifteen years!)

Kudos to Mollie Stone's for carrying birch beer and a happy St. Patrick's Day to all! I am celebrating my diluted Irish heritage by eating potato chips. (Hey, potatoes are an Irish staple, no? Okay . . . maybe I'll pick up some soda bread too. Ha ha ha.)

The Flight to Vegas (Or: How Robyn Scored a Free Beer)

I love Southwest Airlines - they are friendly, accommodating, timely and best of all, cheap.

I left San Jose on one of the most beautiful days we've had in a while -- warm, sunny, perfect. I packed, I cleaned my apartment (seriously - spotless perfection! was so nice to come home to that!), I met my mom downstairs and she drove me to the airport.

Given the warm weather in San Jose, I chose not to pack my heavy wool coat. I figured my Fresno State Alumni sweatshirt would be A-okay in case of cooler temperatures in Vegas. Walking through the airport security, of course it meant I got a quick pat down from the security officer, but whatever -- I was comfy, warm and good to go.

Southwest has open boarding, meaning I got to sit wherever I wanted. Naturally, I chose the front row, aisle -- all the leg room in the world. (Well, as far as planes go that is.) As I'm settling in, I buckled my seat belt and opened my book.

"Hey! Fresno State!"

I look up and the captain of the plane is staring and pointing at me.

"Yeah?" I said.

"I went to Fresno State! Do you live in Fresno?"

"No," I said, "Not anymore. Just when I was in college. But that's so awesome that you are a Bulldog too!"

"Wow. Small world. Yeah, I went to Fresno State a long time ago. I liked it there."

I smiled and chatted with the captain politely, but he soon ducked into the cockpit to fly the plane -- as all good plane captains should. I saluted him with a friendly, "Go Bulldogs!" a wave and a smile.

About twenty minutes into the air, the flight attendants begin taking soda orders. One approaches me, leans down and says, "The captain would like to buy you a drink. What would you like?"

Oh yes.

"Um, I'll have a beer, thanks," I said.

The beer tasted awesome at 30,000 feet and I was grinning the whole ride. How cool was that??? As I got up to grab my notebook and pen from my purse in the overhead bin, I heard, "Hey! Fresno State!"

I looked back a few rows and a young guy in slacks and a shirt with a neatly trimmed goatee is pointing at me and smiling at my sweatshirt.

"Yeah?"

"I went to Fresno State!!" he said enthusiastically.

Wow. Small . . . freaking . . . world. I guess it's not too shocking -- Fresno and San Jose are three hours apart, but still . . . two Bulldog alumni in one night??? That was a "Whoa!" moment.

I told my fellow Bulldog about our good captain and sat back down to write him a thank you note. I didn't see Captain Jeff (the flight attendant wasn't sure of his last name) after we landed, but that was okay. Leaving the note with the flight attendant, I stepped off the plane and into the Vegas airport.

A good start to the trip . . .

My note:

Captain Jeff, Thank you so much for my drink and more importantly, for flying me safely from San Jose to Las Vegas. :o) As it turns out, a gentleman a few seats behind me is also a Fresno State alum! I guess the Bulldogs were in good company this evening. Thanks again! Take care, safe travels and best of luck to you. Go Dogs!!! :o) Sincerely, Robyn Horn, Class of 2008.

Letter box

When I was a kid, my dad worked for a custom home building company. He basically oversaw the entire development and managed the work that got done for beautiful homes that were designed to their owner's exact specifications.

The company built full-scale models of the homes and had interior decorators come in and make the houses beautiful. All of this was to give the idea of the possibilities that exist for buyers.

After all of the houses in the development had been sold, the model homes were sold to the highest bidder. Before they could be sold, though, all of the furniture, linens and decorations were auctioned off to employees of the company. My parents ended up with a lot of beautiful furniture in the years that my dad worked for this company as the minimum bid was 10% of the retail value -- at one point, they ended up with a beautiful solid oak coffee table and paid $35 for it.

One of the things my dad got for me in this process was a really pretty wooden box. It's painted a cream color and has gold edges with a design of vines and leaves on the top. As I've gotten older, I've appreciated the design a bit less, but I know I can always repaint it. I use it for letters - from my grammy, my friends, loved ones or special occasions.

This weekend, I've been purging my closet and dresser of unnecessary items and clothing. Papers that have no purpose are being recycled, objects I no longer use are going to the Good Will and other odds and ends are finding new uses or new homes. The one thing I didn't really count on was finding old love letters.

When I dated Jake, he did a stint in the Marines and spent three months in boot camp. I received several letters from him then, later on I received letters he had written with his future wife in mind - at that time, we were certainly planning on getting married. But now, now that I'm dating someone else, it feels so strange to even realize that I still have these letters tucked away in some crevice of some box that sits on some shelf in my closet.

I'm a bit torn - the nostalgic part of me would like to hold onto these, for the days when I'd like to remember, but it's been almost a year since I broke up with Jake, it's been six (wonderful) months dating Alex and I can't help but feel that hoarding these might be a bit disrespectful. Of course, there aren't only letters from Jake (I had a couple of admirers in high school, ha ha), but I don't feel any hesitation thinking of throwing them out.

Alex and I have talked about a future together in a very general sense, but I feel confident in the strength of our feelings and commitment we share. I just don't really know what I should do about these letters - the ones I've forgotten, the ones that aren't really relevant now. Part of me would like to keep them for a rainy day, to remember the lessons I've learned and experiences I've had that have gotten me where I am. Part of me thinks that past is gone, it's time to cherish memories and not hold onto paper momentos that might be disrespectful to my currenty sweetheart.

So I pose a question - to anyone reading this - what do you advise doing? Do you save letters from old beaus? Do you hang onto things from serious relationships to remind you of the relationship that you had?

I'm completely ambivalent about this . . . yet I feel like I need to decide something more definitive and I'm open to any advice.

Doubt

Sometimes, I am prone to some seriously crippling self-doubt. The kind that sabotages my work in how it tricks me out of being as productive as I need to be. The kind that makes me question whether or not I deserve the kind of happiness I've been experiencing lately. The kind that makes me wonder if my friends, boyfriend and what have you will even want to love me in a week, month, year.

I don't know how to reconcile what I know to be true with this darkness that sweeps over me from time to time. Occasionally, I can identify how it stems from something else that's bothering me -- stress about work and stability will make me question whether Alex is loving me just as much today as he did yesterday. (Yes, I know that it MAKES NO SENSE.)

Taking a magnifying glass to the last couple of days, I look at the factors that are causing me to doubt just about everything right now: some slip-ups at work make me feel like I can't hack it, busy schedules and tired bodies mean Alex and I haven't talked as much and I feel a bit neglected, the realization that for living in this area as long as I have, I haven't exactly made many friends (the fault is me not putting myself out there enough), and an upcoming trip has me fretting about saving enough money.

All of these things are so minor, but create a drama that's so unnecessary, so much bigger than it ought to be. I KNOW I'm doing fine at work, I KNOW things are great with Alex, I KNOW I can make friends (just need to go be social - what a concept) and I KNOW I'll have more than enough for all of my needs/wants even with this trip.

So why do I worry still? Why do I doubt myself? Why must I fret?

I like to believe my desire to see the bigger picture in life can sometimes be overwhelming - that the reason I sweat the small stuff is because at times, I don't see the big stuff. I'm literally missing the forest for the trees. But stepping back, and wiping away my nervous, anxiety-fraught tears, my vision's a bit clearer:

Things are fine. Truly just fine.

And as simple as that statement is, it has such a profound effect on me when I really allow myself to absorb its truth.

Cutie patootie.

Love this boy. :o)

Wear Red Day 2010 (or, How I Learned to Write Myself a Note)

Soooooooooo . . . Today is National Go Red Day, to promote women’s heart health awareness, and our hospital’s clinic is participating and we’ve really been pushing it from our office. Well, Gary took us out for breakfast this morning and we just met him at Hobee’s but guess who showed up NOT wearing red? Yup. I forgot. Completely spaced.

So after catching some good-natured grief from everyone else, I get in my car to drive back and grab my badge (on a red lanyard), my nametag holder that Hayley made me (with some red beads) and looked in the backseat for anything else I could pass off as intentional red. I found . . . my rock climbing shoes. Yes, brick red rock climbing shoes. I’m sporting them with jeans and a navy cardigan and they totally look out of place, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

My feet look like this:


I feel so fashionable. LOL. Just more subject matter for that book I end up writing, right?

Guilty.

I really struggle with guilt. Things I did years ago still bother me, still make me feel like a horrible person. I try to reconcile that I've grown up, that I'm different, and that really, I AM a good person.

But I still feel like I'm just not good enough. Your classic INFP, I have very idealistic expectations of myself and the world. While I'm usually very forgiving of the shortcomings of others, I have a hard time extending this forgiveness to myself. I feel badly, I want to let things go and sometimes I'm very good at it, but every now and then, it is almost crippling how badly I feel about my own shortcomings.

I have a pretty strict code of right and wrong and a guilty conscience that goes with it. I often struggle with the notion that I can be a very good person without being perfect. I expect a lot of myself and I don't always know how to reconcile this.

Last night I was reading a Joyce Meyer book and she briefly discussed learning to accept ourselves as God accepts us - knowing full well that our flaws are present, but loving us in spite of them. God doesn't approve of our sin, our transgressions but he loves us all the same. It seems like such a simple concept, to be able to separate a person from their actions, but for me, it's hard to do with myself.

As I grow, I'm learning that things don't have to be perfect to be satisfying and fulfilling. My job is not perfect - yet there are stretches of time where things fall into place easily, I tap into my creativity and feel a sense of purpose to what I'm doing. My relationship with Alex isn't perfect either - it's wonderful, but there's no such thing as perfect in my book since he and I are both human beings. But it's still great - he makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me feel loved and special. My friends sure aren't perfect, but they love me and I love them.

I'm learning to let go of these perfectionistic expectations, but sometimes it's really hard. It's hard to think that I'm giving up on a task without even trying, but then I remember that I'm not giving up on something normal, I'm redefining my already too high standards. There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but sending them through the roof is often asking for failure, which hereby brings on the guilt. Here's to the learning process . . . **lifts coffee mug**

Pasta + kale + carmelized onions + lentils = Yum!

I tried a new recipe tonight -- pasta with kale, carmelized onions and lentils. I kind of winged it with Rachel's recipe -- Rachel has a lot of vegetarian recipes and she's never steered me wrong.

This was good - the onions were sweet and the pasta/lentils combo was really filling. I also really liked the kale - it was my first time trying kale, too. :o)

I think it would taste REALLY good with some tomatoes -- probably of the sundried variety. ;o)

And so commences an evening of "When Harry Met Sally," a glass of wine, laundry folding, and further menu and exercise planning for the week.

Sometimes, this level of domesticity for a 23-year-old is a bit weird, though. Hmm.

It's tricky, tricky, tricky.

(My Run DMC references are over. I promise.)

I don't know why, but I find it difficult to ignore the peevish feelings that arise when my coworkers do things like ask me if I've received email, talk to me from another room, or ask me about whether I've completed a task before I've even gotten to it yet. They tend to crop up in situations where I feel I'm being treated like someone's personal assistant (which I'm not) and for reasons beyond my understanding, my usually cheerful, happy-to-help self is left in quite a state. Can they see the steam coming from ears? Is it seeping out between my teeth as I try to smile and be pleasant? The following is a list of frequently arising work-related pet peeves:

1. Asking me if I've received an email
Generally speaking, my email inbox works quite well. I understand that technology isn't always fool-proof, that there are glitches, but in general if you send me something you can bet that I've received. I may not have had a chance to reply, but I have it and will get to it.

2. Talking to me from another room
Okay, there's really only one person who does this and it's because their office is fairly close to my desk which means I can hear them speaking to me. Of course, they get agitated when they can't see that I have headphones on and can't hear or that I'm ignoring whatever is being said. Maybe that's because if you're dying to tell me something you could a.) send me an email or b.) come up and talk to me.

3. Asking me if something's completed before I've even started
Now, if I were a slacker, this would be totally warranted and absolutely essential to making sure I'm getting the tasks done that need to be completed. However, I'm not a slacker. I'm a pretty hard worker. I also have many projects on my plate. Is it so difficult to understand that I can't publish a web page in under 15 minutes yet? Is it impossible to grasp that your tiny request of making a PDF of a file will be done after I've attended to the urgent project on my plate at the moment? Goodness gracious -- I'll GET to it!



Now, before I convince anyone that my coworkers are horrendously annoying people (they're not - they just have moments), there are two bright beacons of redemption. My boss is always so nice when requesting anything from me. Even when he's stressed, flustered and having a hard time to remember to throw in a "please" or two, he's still polite and knows that he can trust me in finishing what I need to get done in time. I mean, he IS my boss -- and yet he trusts me more than those who do not directly manage me? Interesting.

My coworker Lisa (name has been changed to protect the innocent) is the kindest, most thoughtful person I've ever worked with. She apologizes for interrupting me, she asks me to do something "when [I] have a chance." Just that wording alone makes me more inclined to help her because I think, "Of COURSE! Yeah, I'll take care of that little thing right now while I'm thinking of it."


In all seriousness, do you think Jesus had pet peeves? I mean, I'm positive that he would have dealt with them much better than I ever could and I pray that I will become more like Him in dealing with minor things that irritate me (because they really are minor). But sometimes, that quest to be more like Him demonstrates to me just how far I have to go and reminds me to be humble about my own shortcomings.

Friday Favorites

Friday Favorites - (n.) Like Tuesday Tops but not quite.

- flowers
- my new wine rack freshly installed by my dad
- my handsome boyfriend getting a pretty great opportunity at work (of course, it prolongs the amount of time until I see him, but I'm happy for him and really excited)
- my technologically challenged self managed to hook up my router (I'm blogging from my kitchen bar . . . NOT from the living room floor per the norm before this)
- books
- red lentil dal (I took Rachel's recipe -- it's a favorite and I make it once a week, usually)
- frozen bread (as a single girl living by herself, a loaf of bread usually goes bad before I can finish it so I've opted for freezing the loaf and pulling out and toasting slices as needed)


Tonight:
- veggie burger on toasted sourdough bread with goat cheese and mustard
- red wine
- long chat with my honey
- an organization 'game plan' is in the works


Current mood: loving life.

In spite

In spite of the dreary weather . . .
In spite of my currently low iron level (read: zilch energy) . . .
In spite of a birthday weekend full of high-calorie foods . . .
In spite of my own lack of motivation and pushing myself . . .

I've still managed to lose 1.6 pounds since last week. :o) I was praying to just break even . . . but I lost.

I'm going to run tonight, rain or not. Bring it, El Nino!

Lions and tigers and . . . tornadoes? Oh my!

Well, Palo Alto officially has a tornado warning in effect. It has been dumping buckets of rain for a few days now and lighting and thunder abound. It's come and go for the most part, but we've been officially "warned." There could be a tornado coming.

Of course, the sky's not green/yellow and there are no funnel clouds to be seen anywhere and thankfully, no hail, but hey . . .

We've been warned.

Recap -- Sorry guys, it's a doozy!

This weekend (Saturday specifically) was my birthday. I was greatly looking forward to a visit from Alex and some fantastic tourism of the Bay area variety. I woke up feeling good on Friday morning . . . only to have had my fantastic weekend plans completely unravel by the end of the day.

To say that Friday was awful would be something of an understatement. At work, I talked to my mom about running shoes (we're participating in a marathon relay in April) and ended up agreeing to having dinner with the family at home. I was REALLY looking forward to going out to PF Chang's with my family and Alex -- the food is great and there are plenty of vegetarian choices.

I really beat myself up over this; I felt like an awful person for being so selfish, but I didn't really know what to do. What should I have said? "No, Mom, I'd really rather go out"? I'm certain if I had, my mom would have been fine with it, but my not-wanting-to-be-a-burden tendencies (an oldest-child complex, I think) made me think better of it.

Feeling rather glum, the day progressed with some more "meh." My mood was significantly lifted when I ran into old friends at lunch and got to enjoy some good company at Chipotle. I felt so much better going back to the office, until later.

While in a meeting with a much-respected design firm, a colleague interrupted to "remind" me of an upcoming deadline for a news release I hadn't published yet. I would like to write a bit more to explain, but it's a bit complicated. Suffice it to say, it was neither the time, nor place for them to have approached me for the discussion and I was beyond mortified in front of some very smart, very successful and very nice, helpful and generous designers who were walking me through our new layout for Discover SHC, the monthly newsletter I manage. I felt awful, and completely helpless as one of the designers asked me, "Do we need to leave?" "No, of course not," I stammered, "It's fine." But it totally wasn't.

After the meeting concluded, I cranked out all that I needed to do, making my deadline like I had expected and been so rudely reminded of. I excused myself and cried in the bathroom to release that stress and frustration. It wasn't that I felt awful, it was the mental agony of what these designers now thought of our office -- of how our future business will go. Ugh.

I ended up talking to my boss about it, which helped, but I still didn't feel great. The clincher to my day?

Alex tried to call me twice while I was in my meeting. Due to the projects on my plate that afternoon and the lousy reception in our office, I didn't really get to pick up the calls. Two voicemail messages let me know that he was sitting in the doctor's office with a high fever and a bronchial infection. I knew without him saying, he wasn't going to be here this weekend -- and then I cried all the way home.

Saturday, I still felt lousy, but somewhere during that afternoon, after my mom and I had talked, I showered and went to the mall. I decided I had to decide if I was going to let my awful, awful day yesterday cloud my entire birthday weekend. Coming from a stubborn girl who likes to really celebrate birthdays, the idea of giving into the yucky feelings was a little too much. So I shopped a little, treated myself to a pedicure (I really think the sparkly fuschia toes were a catalyst to the bad mood lifting) and drove to my parents house.

We ended up going to PF Chang's after all and mom (who typically makes carrot cake on birthdays) even Google'd a recipe to make red velvet cake - just for me because it's my favorite. And truth be told, her cream cheese frosting is the best in the world. No doubt.

The following day, Annie spontaneously came to visit me. And then we met up with Katie (also in the area for slightly spontaneous reasons) who introduced us to some seriously awesome people. Warm, welcoming and truly fantastic people. (You reading this Jeremy? Probably not . . . but if you are, that's you I'm talking about!) A night of good company, good conversation and some good wine -- it was wonderful. Such a good night. We drove all over San Jose and blasted Hanson (yeah, you read that right). The next day, Annie and I made a pilgrimage to Mecca where I found a brown duvet set that I loved, a plant stand for my growing herb garden, and some other fun things.

All in all, the weekend certainly turned out better than I expected it to once I gave in and allowed myself to experience the possibility for good things to happen in spite of such a sucky, stilted beginning. Alex and I have rescheduled our plans to see each other and I'm looking forward to it. I'm also glad that he stayed home and had the chance to rest his body and get better (even though I missed him terribly). Yes, it was a good weekend (and a three-day weekend at that!) and now I can truly say I am thankful for the good things that happened -- good friends, family time and relaxing -- that I might have taken for granted otherwise.

I think God has a pretty good sense of humor sometimes.

Oh, I can't keep it in! :oD

I'm down a whole pound since Friday (1/8)!!!! I can hardly weight -- er, wait -- for our Biggest Loser Challenge weigh-in Friday. Am soooooooo excited, but trying not to be too stoked in case the scale shows me something not quite as generous on Friday.

Reasons why I think I legitimately lost the pound:
- I've been doing a VERY good job of sticking to my calorie range that SparkPeople recommends
- I've been eating well - not too much fat, too much sugar/salt/etc.
- I've been exercising more
- I'm wearing heavier clothes today (khaki pants and a shirt versus a silk skirt and tee from Friday) -- okay, maybe that's not quite the legitimate one, but whatever . . . every little bit helps, right?

Now, granted, I'm barely up to running a mile (ain't runnin' no marathons yet!) but I've been working other activity in as well -- walks at lunch time, exercise videos on On-Demand and trying to do little exercises here and there.

It's very motivating to actually see a difference on the scale but the weird part is . . . I feel different. I feel lighter, if you can believe it. And gosh darnit, I hope it shows on Friday, too!

I think I'm going to wear the same thing I wore last Friday -- which could very well become my Friday attire for the next seven weeks (until the challenge is over). But if I keep up the good work, I'll be in a bikini this summer, which I can honestly say has not happened in almost four years.

:o)

Tuesday Tops!

Wow, a whole week without posting anything?!?! Yeah, I don't even know about that . . . But I am active in the blog community, mostly in the sense of reading them and commenting here and there.

This week's list . . .

1. Protein!!!
As a new vegetarian, I'm still working on gaining a sense of what my nutritional breakdown should look like. Mainly in the sense of finding high protein, but low calorie (because I'm trying to trim down) foods . . . It's hard! Exactly 22 almonds (an official 'serving') work out to be about six grams of protein -- just six!!! I need at least 60! Gah! So needless to say, I'm learning and taking in as much as I can . . . But for now, I'm still a die-hard fan of lentils -- 18 grams of protein for 1 cup of lentils (almost 1/3 of my daily requirement).

2. SparkPeople
Oh my heavens . . . I think I'm in love. I must credit Jackie for turning me onto it. I love all of the health articles, the forum exchanges with fellow vegetarians/vegans, the daily recipes and workout suggestions and the nutrition and fitness tracking. Oh gosh . . . It really does have everything -- if you'd like, check out http://www.sparkpeople.com. (And if you'd like to be my Spark Buddy, my profile is icanhazcoffee2.)

3. Reading
I'm really getting into reading again. :) I'll go for long periods without reading anything and I feel like such a dork getting back into it because I read so much slower! When I stay on top of reading, I keep pace better. Right now, I'm working on "Assassination Vacation" by Sarah Vowell, which I thought would be a much lighter read, but it's still very good. She's witty and interesting and it discusses in depth more anthologized segments of history that are typically glossed over in classes.

4. CNN
I was such a CNN junkie in college . . . Wow, no joke. I would keep it on all the time. Now, I don't devote a whole lot of time to the news, but I like watching "CNN Newsroom" while I'm getting ready for the day. It's some nice background noise and something interesting to focus on while I'm putting on my makeup or ironing whatever I've picked for the day.

5. Advanced meal prep
I've started prepping my lunch the night before. It's saved me a boatload of time in the mornings -- I can grab my lunchbox, throw in an ice pack and go. I wash my salads (I love my salad spinner more than life itself right now), portion off dressing, snacks and my entree (usually leftovers of whatever I had the night before) and grab a piece of fruit.

And that's it for today, folks! ;o) Stay tuned for a future blog about how my short temper is not always a classy thing . . . and how I'll lose my temper with someone but offer up some redeeming comment as I'm leaving. You know . . . so they don't think I'm a TOTAL jerk . . .

Happy New Year indeed!

Yesterday afternoon, I drove up to Sacramento to spend New Year's Eve with my honey. Some delicious dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant in Elk Grove, strolling downtown Sacramento and standing on Capitol Mall to watch the fireworks over Tower Bridge . . . So very nice. We split some champagne and kissed at midnight. Of course, without the advantage of Anderson Cooper or Dick Clark, we had to wing it on the countdown. I was watching the clock on my iPhone while we trotted across the Capitol Mall grass to get closer to Tower Bridge with me tugging on Alex's hand like I was a little kid, so eager to watch the fireworks.

I wish I'd had my camera, but alas, it was sitting on my bookcase in San Jose. I've realized that Alex and I really aren't (so far) one of those "picture couples." You know, the kind that photographically document everything. There's nothing wrong with doing that (please don't assume I'm judging), but it seems like it's not really our thing. I would like to make it a point, though, to start carrying my camera more . . . I did for a while, but not so much anymore.

I like optimism. I'm not always good about practicing it, but I like to believe in it. I like to think positively, I'm just lacking in the routine of practicing it.

Which brings me to my New Year's resolutions . . . I haven't always been good about keeping them (who is?), but these are resolutions with strategies, so I'm optimistic. (See? I'm getting better already.)

- Losing weight
This is a tried-and-true resolution, one that inspires many each year. I've recently joined Sparkpeople.com, an all-encompassing weight loss and motivation site. This website is . . . incredible, for lack of a better word. A nutrition and fitness log, a diet and exercise plan, forum, an advice center, a social network. To say that it 'has it all' would be putting it mildly. The best part, though is that as overwhelming as that sounds, they make it very user-friendly. Tutorials and guides to help you get used to using the website. I'm really jazzed about this and have gym plans tomorrow. ;o)
- Taking better care of my skin
Even into my 20s, I'm still dealing with teenager-ish acne. It can be really embarrassing and downright frustrating. I feel like it makes me look like a kid and I work in the so-called 'adult world.' So from tracking how much water I drink (Sparkpeople actually helps with that too), to washing my makeup brushes more regularly, to taking off my eye makeup every night and wearing sunscreen daily (I used to be religious about this), I've got plenty to work on.
- To learn a new language
Not to toot my own horn, but I'm good at languages. I'd like to try my hand at German or Spanish. Maybe work on recovering my French or ASL. But for fun, I think Russian, Italian or Chinese would be good choices. If I'm trying to get in touch with my roots, any Celtic language, Polish, and again Russian (I'm not Russian explicitly, but ancestors came from the Ukraine, where they likely spoke Russian).
- To run another marathon
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it right. I'm giving myself 12 weeks to start building my aerobic base again, but then I'd like to start adding distance runs and applying a training plan. Maybe I'll do the Seattle Rock & Roll Marathon in June? It would be a nice long weekend and a chance to check out a city that I'm not only dying to visit for the first time, but to live in as well.
- To log reading with Goodreads
I started an account with Goodreads.com a while back, but I'd like to get back into reviewing books. It's a neat site that keeps track of the books I'd like to read, have read and reviewed.

There are a few more, but I'll wrap up and not bore anyone reading too badly. ;o) Hope everyone had a happy New Year! May 2010 bring some fantastic new adventures.


To those reading, what are your resolutions?