Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I am full.

I'm so full . . . Beyond full.

Full of excitement . . .
I've moved out of my parents' house and into my first, all-by-myself apartment. I'm paying my own bills, building a savings account and making car payments. (Okay, that's a bill, but it feels like it deserves special distinction.)

Full of infatuation . . .
Alex is my adorable boyfriend. (No, you can't have him.) Having been friends for years, there's something about the way this fits that I don't even know if I have words for. I cherish him. I look forward to hearing from him. I love how he listens, how considerate he is, how truly awesome things are with him around. I know it's early, but things are so good (beyond good) that it's really hard to see anything other than that good stuff. He's not perfect -- he likes candy corn-- but he's pretty close.

Full of promise . . .
Feeling more established in my job, I am able to keep ahead of projects . . . mostly. There's been some minor weight dragging on a certain project that will not be named, but the long and short of it is that it's getting done and once it's over, I can keep charging full steam ahead. I'm finally feeling like there's a niche that I fill. It's good.

Full of food . . .
Literally. Grocery shopping for yourself is such a strange experience for the first time. The few times I did in Fresno, part of my grocery list were things that were communally used. Food situations with my roommates were often fluid -- "Hey, I'm making XXXXX. Want some?" etc. Last night, it was so nice to evaluate what I wanted, plan around work and what kind of food storage options I have right now, etc. I'm also very literally full -- lunch was salad, a pita with some hummus, and just to balance the healthy with not-so-waistline-friendly, I had mac & cheese. The kind with the neon orange sauce. Oh yeah. :o) Delicious.

Life is incredibly sweet right now . . . Will definitely post apartment pictures soon.

Monday, September 7, 2009

I'm warning you, we're growing up.

These days we go to waste like wine,
that's turned to turpentine,
till it's six AM and I'm all messed up . . .
I didn't mean to waste your time,
so I'll fall back in line,
but I'm warning you we're growing up . . .

I have much to be thankful for, and the gratitude is only just hitting me . . . I'm expecting a wave pretty soon. That I am thankful, though, is a good thing . . . even if I'm a little slow on the uptake.

Growing up is challenging me . . . it's really molding, forming and in some ways breaking me. I don't mind though. Honest. I feel like somehow I can manage this -- I can keep hold of this, even if it's hard.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Come to think of it, I was never very good at waiting.

I am so bursting with questions and frustrated with things that seem to be stalling that I can barely take my mind off of this little "dream world" of what I'd like the answers to my questions to be. Part of me feels so frantic that the idea of a fortune teller, palm reader, tarot expert or other psychic medium sounds great just to put my mind at ease - yes things are going where I think they are, or no they are not.

Questions about living situations, finances, personal relationships and where I will be in 10 years (literally and metaphorically) are plagueing me and I have no idea what else to do.

For every question I have, I can already anticipate that I will be looking for answers for a long time. In an age of limitless information access, how do I still find myself spending so much time waiting?