Thursday, December 17, 2009

A marathoner in recovery

I'm a runner, though I'm not a fast one and I certainly don't do it well all the time. I also lack in the motivation department.

Last night, I ran. I ran without music (a real first) and it really wasn't bad. Granted, I barely made it a mile, but I still did it, right?

I'm redefining my goals for life. I'm really looking for some direction, but I'm trying to be patient in knowing that I've entered a season of my life that I can take some respite in. I can be still for a while. Since 2003, I have packed and moved all of my stuff 12 times. T-W-E-L-V-E!!! That's an average of 2 moves a year!! I can honestly say that I've never lived in one place for more than a year in all that time. Yes, I probably shouldn't count moving to and from my college campus, but then again, why shouldn't I? I packed and moved almost everything. I'm resting for a while. I'm staying put.

I look at my life and try to figure out what the next big change will be and it hits me -- I don't need to figure that out yet. I can relax. I can stop nitpicking. I don't have to plan yet. And that's when relief washes over me to know that there's no pressure for movement yet. I know at some points, I'll feel restless. I know I'll hit a level of "gotta get out of here" once in a while. But isn't that what vacation is for?

So I'm raising my glass to staying in one place. I'm toasting that life is good where it is and that I can simply abide. In this resting period, I know I have plenty of work to do on myself in preparation for the next big change (big move, graduate school, promotion, someday marriage -- whatever comes my way!)

I've never really placed much faith in horoscopes -- I typically chalk it up to something for me to pass time with and I've never read one and later thought, "Oh wow! That DID happen!" Today I flipped through our local paper for Capricorn -- my sign. It said: "You can substantially enhance your possibilities for success by relying more on yourself than anybody else. Establish your own goals, means of achievement and timetable." I took this as a confirmation that I'm in a good place right now and that this gear up for what's next is actually where I need to be.

But I've never been a patient person. I've never been one to sit still -- so here I am . . . realizing that I need to do just that. For my own personal growth, I would do well to sit still . . . to rest and rejuvenate for when I'm ready for the big change (whatever that may be). It's just the waiting that's the hardest part . . .

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