Pandering

Ugh... I'm becoming that girl I'm so terminally vexed by: the one who is so bent on a single plan that the bullshit-radar doesn't seem to be working properly. In situations where this becomes patterned behavior, at what point does this knowledge actually become helpful? Where is the crossover from intention to action.

"Abandon all hope, you who enter here..." (My paraphrase of Dante.)

Today I'm a bit feisty.

I cannot believe I'm so willing to waste my time like this. I have never found myself to have less-than-adequate self esteem but now I have cause to wonder. What the hell am I doing? Why am I even pretending that I have had any significant influence on this? Ugh.

Majorly frustrated with self. Time to start growing up, I guess...

Important things.

I feel like lately I have really lost focus.
I feel like late-night conversations, as wonderful as they can seem at the time, are slooooooooooowly wearing me down for the lack of sleep. (Though I wish I had the guts to say that.)
I feel like I could use some direction, though I kind of already know where I'm going.

But mostly, I feel like I'm once again waiting. Waiting for affirmation, waiting for the writing on the wall, and waiting for a "go ahead."

Prayers for peace of mind are so appreciated.

We're clear for take-off . . .

I'm boxing up books.
I'm condensing my stuff.
I'm looking at truck rentals.
I'm browsing the IKEA catalogue.
I'm leaving messages with Fountain Park asking about availability.
I'm grabbing pay stubs and my job offer letter as proof of employment/salary.

In two weeks, I might just have an apartment lease to my name . . . :o)

I love a fresh dose of rudeness in the morning. Mmmmm . . . Haven't even finished my cup of coffee and BAM! Right between the eyes . . .

I am realizing that I am slowly creating more misery for myself. I procrastinate, I stall and simmer in things until I give up. I don't always finish what I start.

I was thinking about this while running tonight. I'm gradually embracing the idea that one day, I will run a marathon without stopping to walk. That one day I will run Boston. I know I will. I have to do it.

But one step at a time. :o) I am becoming reacquainted with my good friend, Extra-Strength Tylenol.

A pink sticker, someday.

I carry a special card in my wallet, signed and dated a couple of years ago, that says that in the event of my death, my organs are going to be donated.

After September 11th, there were hundreds (possibly thousands) of human interest pieces showing people doing incredible things in the name of helping others out. Blood drives became flooded with folks who normally wouldn't have considered sitting with a needle in their arm for several minutes who came with every good intention to help their fellow Americans.

It makes my heart swell with warmth and hope in people for doing something so kind, so generous.

Right now, I'm working on a work project that has me thinking a lot about organ donation. Several years ago, I signed a card that I keep in my wallet saying that I am willing to donate my organs to those who might need them. Two years ago, I drove past a bone marrow registration drive and saw pictures of a little boy named Anthony. Anthony was born with a rare blood disorder and would likely need a bone marrow transplant. My heart, so sensitive to causes related to children, overtook me. I dropped off my stuff at my house, told my dad where I was going, the whole time having trouble keeping my voice clear to speak, and fought back tears as I drove back and stood in line to register.

I carry about six different health-related cards in my wallet, none of which are insurance cards. (Don't get me wrong - I have those too, but these aren't them.) CPR and First-Aid certification, blood donor information, bone marrow donor registration cards and one for my organs.

It never ceases to blow my mind at the possibility of life from someone giving up a kidney, giving a heart and lungs or a liver. Obviously, there are so many organs that can be successfully harvested and transplanted, but those are just some that came to mind.

I don't really know who reads this -- I don't broadcast it to many people -- but I encourage anyone reading this to think strongly about checking "yes" the next time you renew your license and the question of whether you'll donate your organs comes up.

I don't think anyone really does it for the recognition or the accolade, but there is something overpoweringly selfless about something like donating a pint of blood, going in for surgery to give someone new life with your bone marrow, or in the event of your death, giving them a permanent gift.

Please, please, please consider it.

Dear friend,
I wish I could tell you how wonderful it was to see you today. I don't know why I enjoy being around you so much, other than the fact that you're a nice person, but I do. I hope we can hang out more.
Love,
Robyn.

P.S. You give really good hugs.

Small victories

I'm about five pounds lighter than I was a couple of weeks ago. :o)

I'm celebrating, even if I still have a couple dozen pounds to lose still. Ha ha.

I would really rather be the mouse than the cat. All things considered, I think my focus needs to be elsewhere. Actually, I know my focus needs to be elsewhere.

What am I getting from this?

I swung by Sprinkles on my lunch break. There was a parking space two spaces back, right in front of the store.

Clearly, a sign from God that I needed a cupcake. And really, who argues with the Big Man?