Surfacing

Slowly, I feel like I'm becoming more of an adult. I realize that legally and mentally, I've been there for a bit, but in terms of the things I am taking on? Huge growth in a short(er) amount of time.

New job - big.
Car payments - big.
Car insurance of my own - not quite so big, but still significant.

Individually, each of these is fairly "grown up," but I feel like I'm still moving in a more adult direction. I'm looking at apartments, planning my would-be budget for different living arrangements and looking at the growing cost of being an adult.

It's not cheap (in a financial sense), but it's certainly a rich experience. I feel like I've been in limbo for quite a while and now I've got the green light to floor it into the kind of life I want. It's only freaking me out a little.

That being said, with these newfound responsibilities, I'm finding it more of an imperative to take better care of myself. I ran two miles tonight, then swam for 25 minutes. I wanted to do some weights or exercises on my stability ball, but I called it quits -- just too tuckered out. I had honestly forgotten the kind of resistance swimming gives you -- no wonder Michael Phelps is in such amazing shape, right? He picked a good sport, I say.

Aside from that, I feel thankful for this. I feel deep gratitude for the opportunities -- that maybe by the time I run my next race (October 4th), I'll be in an apartment, paying my own bills again -- I'm really only looking forward to the sense of pride and accomplishment that really go along with taking care of yourself.

It's exciting, promising, challenging and terrifying all at once. But I couldn't be happier to know that it's just waiting for me, on my time, to go and grab it.

Life is good.

I am trusting that this is stress-related.

Thanksgiving

I have so much to be thankful for -- it's difficult to see how many people are truly struggling and humbling at the same time. I ache for friends who are losing jobs, loved ones and faith.

Resignedly, I returned to work this morning after a four-day weekend up at Lake Tahoe and frankly, the stark contrast from the trip to my current work environment honestly makes me feel like crying.

George FINALLY told me that Carol is taking back clinic scheduling. **sigh** Nothing like being informed well in advance, right? Geez.

I know that must sound pathetic and lame, but I just feel so broken here. I really hope things go through for this new job . . . one that I can look forward to being at.