On "why being a grown-up sucks sometimes."

Being a grown-up really sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I love being an adult. I like taking care of myself, I like cooking and cleaning for myself . . . I even like the whole paying bills bit (somewhat) because it reminds me of my freedom -- I am supporting myself, I am making my life as comfortable as I can.

But sometimes, it really stinks. The whole budgeting thing is something I still feel like I'm getting used to . . . and part of the reason why I wish my parents had decided to give us allowance as kids. (They always had the mindset of, "if you need it, we'll find a way to make it happen" . . . as well as trying their best to make sure we had what we wanted as well, to some degree.) I feel like not having been given an allowance, not being allowed to have an after school job in high school has somehow contributed to bad financial habits. But I know I'm not the only one.

Example: A friend of mine grew up not knowing what having an allowance was like, not learning firsthand about spending money wisely and didn't immediately grasp that having a debit card is NOT like having a credit card. Within a few weeks of having the debit card, they had racked up over $250 in bank fees, not to mention what they overdrew by . . . A $3 cup of coffee at Starbucks that now costs $25-30 because of the overdraft charge is a little ludicrous to think about.

Another friend: This friend of mine really aggitates me at times. For working for a tax firm, they have no concept of spending wisely. I lent them some money a couple of years ago . . . which I still haven't seen. But redecorating their house (to the tune of about $700 -- enough to cover what I lent them almost 10 times) is apparently a more worthwhile cause than paying down debts. What if I were a bank? What if I charged interest? Would this have guaranteed payment sooner? Now, I have always struggled with being assertive about the things that I need - especially when it comes to money. It's the most difficult thing in the world for me to say, "Umm, you do remember that I let you borrow money, right? Borrow." It's even more difficult to say that when what I want to say is, "Are you going to pay me back or not?!? Because if you're not, just tell me so I remember to never help you out again."

But that doesn't come across very nicely, does it?

Today was pay day, but because of the timing of my bills, my paycheck shrunk drastically in about 5 minutes -- the length of time it took me to make my car payment online, put some money into my savings account, write a check for my rent and balance my checkbook. The leftover is less than 1/4 of what came in, and even though it's more than enough for groceries and gas for the next two weeks, it still leaves me . . . wanting. Still makes me wish a tiny bit that I could just fill my apartment with things that I like.

Silly I know since I can use that money not just for the necessities, but for greater pleasures like hosting friends for a weekend or driving up to see Alex for a couple of days -- all infinitely more worth being able to buy a couple of bar stools or hit up IKEA for some mixing bowls any sooner.

But the 'wanting' thing is hard sometimes, which is why I'm trying to get a new perspective on things.

I'm learning though . . .

Burden lifting.

I avoid my credit card statements like the plague. As soon as I get my little envelope from Golden 1 Credit Union, I usually tear it into a thousand pieces and throw it away. Don't worry -- I don't ignore the fact that I have a credit card and for that matter, credit card debt, but I definitely feel much more at ease with the situation by checking online. Something about seeing it online instead of in black and white print makes it that much less scary . . .

Internet banking and bill paying has become such a commodity in life. Even with the busiest schedule, I always squeezed in a few minutes here and there to check statements on my credit cards and make payments from my checking account to the credit card.

Today was a big day for me: I opened my statement. In the last couple of months, I have been making substantial payments to cover the balance. An immediate and entirely too ignorant sucker to the "buy now, pay later" idea behind credit cards, I got mine after my sophomore year of college. Within a year, I had charged, charged, charged and came dangerously close to my limit (we're talking within just a mere few dollars). It's been EXTREMELY hard to get myself out from under this pile when I haven't had the opportunity to generate enough income to do it until the last few months.

As I said, I've been paying much more substantial amounts than just my minimum balance and today, I realized that as of next month, I will be out of debt.

My shoulders feel light, my heart feels less tense and my general mood lifted so much when I realized this. I don't think I ever gave enough credit to how much money issues make a difference. I haven't been living outside of my means, but now that I'm living at home and don't have to worry about PG&E bills, rent, etc., I have been able to focus on learning about frugality and money management.

Frugality has been a recent development. Growing up, our family wasn't exactly affluent. We were really poor when I was young and over the years my parents have worked their way up and have built a much more comfortable life. My parents never gave allowance when we were kids, mostly because they felt that if there was something we really needed/wanted, they could find a way to make it happen. After I started working, though, my money was my own to do whatever I wanted with it. I never learned the value of saving and spending responsibly early, so I've learned some hard lessons about finances over the years.

Needless to say, I am elated to be seeing genuine progress and improvement in my habits with money, as well as my shrinking debt. :o)