Cheater, cheater.

I have a confession to make: I am cheating on my blog.

Working for a hospital and diving into healthy living blogs as fostered a desire to write my own healthy-living inspired blog. So several months ago, I did. I still posted sporadically here, but Something Over Coffee was no longer the brand that would represent what I was wanting to say. I'm still working out the kinks and still getting my act together to make my new blog a.) something worth reading and b.) something I can use for leverage at work (I want to blog for the Hospital eventually), but it's a work in progress.

I promise I'll still come back to Something Over Coffee -- I think this would be a great place to write about non-wellness related topics -- like hobbies and craft ideas and books I'm reading and goals I'm setting that aren't related to health.

But if you're interested, I can also be found at WellPurposed.

Hope to see you on both sides of the blogosphere. :)

Camping.

Alex is taking me camping! I have NO IDEA how that's going to work.
What do I bring?
What do I DO???
HOW DO I CAMP!?!

I'm the daughter of a very indoorsy kind of gal - my mom's idea of 'roughing it' is a hotel lacking room service.

Seriously.

It's a very long, convoluted story about how things this week have gone down, but the most recent "Um, wait . . . what?" moment was just a few moments ago when Alex asked if he could take me camping this weekend.

Uh, of course he can. But I'm sure you can imagine the way my must-plan-everything-in-detail head is just spinning away . . . LOL.

One year.

One year ago today, I went on a date (sushi dinner and a movie - Julie & Julia) with my best friend, Alex.

The rest, as they say, is history -- the kind that is still being written. Love that boy so much.

See my pretty anniversary flowers? They're gorgeous - peach/coral roses, daisies (my favorite!) and forget-me-nots (appropriate, right?).

Beautiful.

How to Recover

I'm getting better at being sick. I'm getting better at listening to my body, so I'm getting better at getting better . . . I think.

Wednesday morning I woke up with that telltale tickle-scratch in the back of my throat. Hoping beyond hope I had just slept with my mouth open, I went to work. The remainder of the day, I felt myself get sicker and sicker until I went home with full blown congestion, coughing and just general yuckiness.

Since running and my 30 Day Shred Challenge were both out of the question, I settled for some NyQuil and going to bed early. Thursday I was a little bit worse, and my voice reflected it. Normally my voice is somewhat higher, lighter and when I'm really happy or enthusiastic, can make me sound a bit like a 12 year old. On Thursday, I was starting to sound a bit huskier, raspier and generally sicker-sounding. Not pretty.

Yesterday, it was reeeeally yucky. I'd been medicating with some NyQuil/DayQuil type stuff, but in all honesty, sometimes I really don't like taking that stuff. I do, however, see it's necessity in times like these though, as the cold has settled into my chest. Great.

The best remedy to feeling lousy is rest and fluids, right? Well, that's the current plan.

So today, after I took my phone to get fixed (another story for later), I stopped by Target and picked up orange juice, cream of broccoli soup, some (expectorant) cough syrup, nasal strips, and some sugar free Werther's Originals to suck on (because I HATE cough drops). Oh, and a $6.50 copy of Free Willy on DVD. (Remember this movie?! It was a favorite of mine as a kid. So good!)

I've been camping on the couch watching a House MD marathon and taking in LOTS of fluids. I've also sipped a couple of hot toddies . . . Oh my am I getting good at that.

Robyn's Hot Toddy Recipe:
1 cup of tea (I use a spearmint & peppermint blend tea)
1 Tbsp honey
1 lemon slice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 oz whiskey

I put the tea bag, lemon, honey and cinnamon in a cup and fill with about 6-7 oz of boiling water. When it's steeped and cooled a bit, I remove the teabag and pour in the whiskey. It doesn't quite conk me out the way I'd been told they do, but I think it's still relaxing and therapeutic in its own way. Honey is a natural cough suppressant, and the tea and whiskey will be warm and sedative.

So here I am . . . sucking down soup, juice, water and a hot toddy here and there. Hopefully I'll be up and running (figuratively and literally) very soon - for now, I'm taking it easy and taking in lots of fluids.

Motivation

Sometimes, you gotta fake it 'till you make it.

Some days, that's exactly how I feel about running. Even though I've logged many miles in the last two years, I still don't know if I feel like a runner. I am, I know I am, but there are days when I don't feel it.

I hope this passes.

In the mean time, I'm runnin' hard, trainin' hard and smiling through it all. After all, attitude is everything and pretty soon the mood will follow suit.

Working on it

A list of things I'm working on . . . because honesty is the best policy.

*Patience
Learning to be more patient with Alex, with my coworkers, and with myself. I often expect quick turnaround from Alex with regard to text messages and phone calls and it can be frustrating if he doesn't return them in that time frame. It's a little much to expect of the poor, technologically-independent boy. Learning to be patient with my coworkers for their little quirks and 'isms' will definitely help me keep my blood pressure down when things are already chaotic and there are more hoops to jump through. Learning to be patient with myself will help me not feel so frustrated and want to give up when I'm trying to run more, lose weight, climb more, etc. It will help me see that I'm still successful even if it's taking a little longer to reach my ultimate goal.

*Productivity
I'm really trying to contribute more to my office than just the bare minimum. Some days it is really hard to remain motivated, but I'm working on that too.

*Having more fun
I generally consider myself to be a funloving person. Sometimes I just need to make that happen in more tangible ways. Climbing is fun, going out for pie is fun, long runs are fun (even if I'm not at the level I once was -- I'll get there!), trails are fun, being outdoors is fun, cooking is fun, getting a beer with friends is fun, video chatting with Alex is fun . . .

Just a short list for now, but a detailed one. Maybe some more later . . . Er, maybe some more (concise) posts later.

Patience is a virtue.

I am not a patient person. I just am not.

I'm the girl in the movie theatre thinking about her to-do list and having a hard time actually enjoying the flick. I'm the one who will check Wikipedia for movie endings so if at any point, I decide there's something better to do than sit and watch a movie, I can leave and feel satisfied in my choice to not stick it out.

I'm the girl who gives up so many projects because I don't have the patience and the resilience to see it through.

I jumped into bed tonight ready to catch up on some magazine reading. I grabbed my latest issue of "Runner's World," but also picked up "Linchpin" from the floor, another magazine and a book by Jeff Galloway. Seriously? I honestly think I'll make it through all of that? Perhaps this is why so many of my books remain unread for so long - I give up before I get going.

I had a hard time tonight on the phone with Alex. He's in Alaska with his family on vacation and I am wishing I could be with him, but I know there are some boundaries to respect and it's not really the time for family-type vacations yet. Or maybe it is . . . I don't really know, but the timing of the trip and such didn't lend itself to me tagging along. And that's when all the thoughts of the "we need to talk" variety start brewing - I start feeling excluded, like he bottles things up, that I'm not really a part of his life . . . blahblahblah.

I could (and should) be looking into a mirror as I'm saying that. It would be the proverbial pot calling the kettle black. I want to trust that Alex will be a leader in the relationship, though I still feel like I'm very Fresno-cultured in the sense that I'm expecting things to move quickly. Our one-year anniversary is coming up next month and it was one year ago this weekend (I visited him for Fourth of July last year) that we both started to see that there were some feelings for each other. In my last relationship, marriage was brought into the discussion EARLY. Partly, I think, because in Fresno (a very conservative area of California) it's not uncommon to see people getting married before they graduate college. Partly, I think, because we were young and in love and when you're young and in love, it's hard not to believe in the potential and beauty of your relationship.

So all of this nonsense, this tizzy is spinning in my head and I'm feeling so anxious, so discontent, so ready to call Alex back and unload on him about "Why aren't we making longterm plans yet?" and "When will we actually go camping like we've been saying we're wanting to do for so long now?" and "Are you actually GOING to teach me how to ski?!"

It's all a bit much.

I calm myself long enough to consciously choose to demonstrate love to him and to wait for an appropriate time to start talking about the future. I recognize that things don't have to move at a lightning fast pace, that it's okay if we're not married in a year . . . it's okay if we're not married in five. Toto, we're not in Fresno anymore. Things will happen as they're meant to, we'll go camping eventually and gosh darnit, I WILL get the boy to teach me how to ski. (Namely because I think he'll really get a kick out of me strapped to 2x4's and the lack of grace with which I'll accomplish this. And man, do I love to hear him laugh.)

As my subconscious mea culpa, I sent him a text telling him that I love him -- in all caps, like I'm in 4th grade. "I LOVE YOU ALEX D_____!"

Not more than a few seconds go by and my phone chirps -- "I love you too, Robyn H___. You are by far the best part of me."

And now I'm all choked up from the sweetness of it and so incredibly grateful to be with such a wonderful guy who puts up with my crazy, calms my nerves, stands beside me and loves me so much . . . even if he doesn't realize he does all of that and more.

Me feeling hot, hot, hot!

As the temperature creeps into the high 90's, I'm immediately understanding of my body's inclination to shed a little weight in the summer. Having spent a few years in Fresno where the temperatures are decidedly oppressive in the summer, heat makes me feel so lethargic, so disinclined to eating . . . ("How hot is Fresno?" you ask. Well, on May 17, 2008, when I graduated college it was 107 degrees outside. Look at the date -- it's mid-May. Summer had barely started.)

Today, I sat down for about an hour with some exciting (to me) cookbooks -- Vegan on the Cheap, Veganomicon, and The 30-Minute Vegan. I went over to Whole Foods and picked up a LOT of produce after some menu-planning. I'm so excited, though!

I'm becoming quite the foodie, I think. I made my own vegetable stock this afternoon -- with tomatoes, parsnips, carrots, celery, onion, garlic and leeks. I opted to make my own because I rarely need very much vegetable stock and buying a carton of it means I should probably commit to using the whole thing within its "best for 7 days after opening" timeline. So now the stock is cooling and after that, I will figure out some way to freeze it.

stock, simmering
Am also enjoying a glass of my new favorite wine. Yum! :)

Opala - vinho verde
I spent an hour in the kitchen -- prepping the veggies for the stock and washing and cutting vegetables for the rest of the week. I'm so looking forward to some tasty dinners this week. I think the best part of summer is the freshness of food. I hate things that are too heavy and tend to have to force myself to eat things like bread and pasta.

So I will be making live cilantro-cucumber soup (served cold), Greek salad w/ tofeta (tofu feta), and French lentil chili this week. I am elated.

When it all comes down . . .

Somedays, things just suck. It's hard. Life stinks and work makes you crazy.

And sometimes, that's not your fault. (Sometimes it is, but for the sake of argument, sometimes it's not.)

And on those sometimes, it is important to become even more aware of your place, acknowledge your own responsibility, apologize if necessary (but don't apologize if it's not), and move forward.

I'm having one of those "somedays," it would seem. Here's to a happier, less-stressed, more-centered tomorrow.

A list of loves

- Mad Men . . . Almost finished with season three, so I'll be completely caught up for season four starting next month

- Nail polish . . . Haven't worn it in so long, my fingers look so new and novel - like I never noticed them before. Isn't that funny? A little red polish and boom! I'm suddenly acutely aware of my hands.

- Clean laundry . . . I love it. Always. Clean Sheet Day is the best.

- Running . . . It's been so long since I've been really interested in this, but I'm falling in love with the sport all over again. I'm so looking forward to my race in October.

- Working out . . . I've found all sorts of free time now that I'm not campaigning. Time for hitting the gym, though I'm not climbing as much as I could or should. It's something to work on, but in the mean time, I've got plenty on my plate with running and doing more yoga. I'm even starting to like the weights.

- My new trail shoes . . . Since I'll be running a trail marathon in October, it seemed only fitting that I should train on trails, not just roads. I bought some Mizuno Waves and I'm soooooooooooo excited to break them in!!! Probably Tuesday . . . Have a West Wing marathon tomorrow night.

- Books . . . I need to read more. Lately, I've been a bit spend-happy in the bookstores. Nothing too extravagant, but the extra $30 could have been spent a little better. I've been buying cookbooks. Vegan cookbooks. I'm not a vegan, don't expect to be, but I do prefer to eat vegan food when I can. Need to actually COOK the food I lovingly look at in the books, though . . .

- Linchpin, by Seth Godin . . . A personal development book I picked up. I'm really looking forward to using it to help me create a better niche for myself at work. The premise of the book is that it helps inspire you to make yourself invaluable to your organization, no matter your rank. I do well for myself, I love my job and I certainly feel as if they appreciate me, but I know I won't be in this position forever and I would like to leave big shoes to fill should I ever leave. Is that too lofty a goal? I think it's challenging . . . :)

It is so good.

Sometimes, life is so good, it almost hurts.

I slept in today and spent the morning on the couch, drinking tea and flipping back and forth between MSNBC and CNN, catching up on the current events I have so sorely been neglecting.

I showered, got dressed and hit up Santana Row, one of my favorite places to shop in San Jose -- it is so nice to sit in the outdoor cafe areas and listen to live music (flamenco guitar, anyone?). Indeed, it's a beautiful spot for a warm summer day where I sat with my iced Passion Tea and read.

I hit up Lululemon Athletica and found a new yoga mat and a DVD of yoga designed for folks with tight hips (which I totally have).

I drove to my gym, where I ran, biked and climbed for about an hour (total - not each! I'm not THAT fit . . . yet.) ;) A quick shower at the gym and I was off . . . to Whole Foods! The store is almost a religious experience for me . . . or at least, the produce aisle certainly is.

After picking up some goodies, I found myself on my way back to my apartment, where I cooked up some mustard lemon butter cauliflower and made a salad of fresh heirloom tomatoes, shredded basil and fresh mozzarella. I ate in the cool, evening air on my balcony.

Dessert was plain Greek yogurt with fresh raspberries, some rolled oats and a drizzle of honey. Also had me a glass of Riesling - delightful!

And now I'm drinking in the night air (okay . . . and some more Riesling!) and am so blissful . . . so relaxed . . . so THANKFUL for this. Sometimes life is so good, it almost hurts.

What are you thankful for today?

Slacker, slacker, slacker!

I am such a bad blogger . . . Well, lately I have been. I've just been so busy . . . So frickin' busy. Work seems to be picking up lately -- I find myself leaving in the evening and realizing that I feel like I've just arrived. That's a good feeling, no doubt, but the campaign has certainly taken up a lot of my energy.

Alas, there will be no more campaigning, though. Jim Cogan came in third place, which means he didn't even make the run-off to possibly get elected in November. We felt pretty blindsided -- the entire campaign, we had been crunching numbers that supported the thought that Jim would likely end up with 23% of the vote for the district, which would almost guarantee him a space in the run-off. On election night, we watched precinct numbers coming in, only to see that after 65 precincts were accounted for, Jim only had 13% of the vote.

That doesn't seem like a whole lot, but given that there were six candidates, it's pretty good. And he did come in third, which isn't bad . . . except it doesn't qualify him for the run-off. Majorly disappointing. I don't doubt that the volunteers were circling the correct spaces, but with limited funding and an apathetic district (less than 12,000 voted in a district of 46,601 registered), it feels like such a huge letdown.

Here are my tips on how to be a good voter:
1. Register -- seems simple, but seriously, you'd be surprised at how many people don't care. If you don't care, don't register and at least be honest about the fact that you don't really care.
2. Read -- read everything. It makes you more informed, it helps make the decision easier. Read the good stuff, read the not-so-good stuff. Every candidate has pro's and con's -- don't assume your guy is flawless.
3. Vote -- again with something seemingly simple, this is a huge deal. I get frustrated hearing how disappointed people are with their leadership, but they don't actively engage in the process. Did you vote for your council member? No? Then stop complaining about the roads and vote for a guy who will take care of that.
It became pretty clear on election night just how apathetic our district is -- I doubt very seriously that all of those people who said they would vote for Jim did, in fact, vote for him. If they had, he would have done much better.
4. Stay informed -- it can be hard to do all of the necessary research for voting, but it's so much easier to stay informed if you make a point to listen to at least a little bit of news every day.
5. Donate -- you don't have to send big bucks to a political campaign, but even a $25 donation makes a difference. It will go toward mailer supplies or at least, for a pizza or some water bottles to keep the volunteers fueled and hydrated while they're making (literally) hundreds of phone calls and knocking on thousands of doors.


I could go on and on and there are probably a bunch of things to write about being a good voter, but those are just my general, hopefully-helpful tips.

Sometimes

Just sometimes . . .

I feel like I'm too willing to help, like I'm especially eager-to-please or that I come across as being a little too available.

This gets me in trouble in the sense that I take on more than I probably should. I've always suffered from bittenoffmorethanIcanchewitis. It's a tragic, chronic condition I'm afraid.

So I'm practicing the art of saying, "No."

It seems so . . . revolutionary. It's a simple word, but man if it doesn't pack a punch sometimes . . . Of course, I am well aware that in certain environments (e.g. work), "No" might not be the best answer to give and generally it's advisable to say "Of course I can help" or "I'd love to lend a hand" or "Yes, I'll show you where the pencils are (again)" as many times as necessary, so my "No" policy will be a bit more lax there.

But my weekends? They are mine. I get to decide how much of my time anyone else gets. If there's one thing squeezing in gym workouts and as much sleep as I can has taught me in the last several weeks (okay, months), it's that it's okay to put myself first sometimes.

200th Post!

This is my 200th post and I'm happy to say, that the meeting with Alex went very well. I don't mean to sound trite, but it really did.

I left San Jose around 7 on Sunday morning, stopping for coffee before I hit the road, of course. After a couple of hours driving (I must have been serious -- I made the drive in just under two hours when it normally takes about 2:45), I hit Borders, where I would be meeting Alex.

My stomach was practicing its acrobatic routine, I couldn't stop fidgeting. On the ride up to Elk Grove, I'd thought things through and decided on what I wanted to say. Of course, seeing him . . . all those things that were articulate, well-put and sounded good flew right out of my brain.

We sat in Borders and chitchatted for a bit. I stammered and could barely hold eye contact with him -- so nervous! -- as I told him about what I'd been thinking, feeling and experiencing leading up to our big conversation. I apologized for hurting him. I told him that I was wrong for ending things.

I told him about how and why I was feeling like a hypocrite.

I didn't cry, I didn't beg, I just calmly explained that I knew he had no reason to trust me here, but if he was willing to try again, I was willing to try to be a better girlfriend. I told him, that most importantly, I didn't want him to think I came to meet him with an agenda (even though I kinda did). I told him that I understood that he was hurt and that I wasn't in a position to really ask much of anything, but if he wanted to take some time to think about things, that was okay with me.

"I need to know that you are 100% sure," he said. "Because I can't go through that again."

My heart ached hearing the pain in his voice, but I nodded and told him that I was sure.

"I wouldn't have asked to meet you if I really wasn't sure."

He nodded and we got quiet for a few minutes. We were walking around at this point and the conversation turned away from the serious stuff. Some more conversation, joking and just talking -- partly because that's what's natural for us, but I'm sure on some level it was to avoid the elephant in the room.

Finally, we circled back into Borders and perused the literature section. As I stared at Lewis Carroll and Vladimir Nabokov (yeah, that's a spectrum alright), he said, "Okay . . . I don't want to wait. I don't want to sit here and pretend like I'm thinking about it."

My nervous, worrywort self was surprisingly at peace -- looking at him, looking into his eyes, I could tell -- he forgave me, he understood.

"I wouldn't have come here if I didn't think we could work this out," he said.

He grabbed my hand and smiled. I smiled back. And then he leaned in and kissed me. And that feeling? The one I get when he kisses me and I can feel it in the floor?

Yeah, that was still there. :)

(My apologies for such a late update -- this week has been a whirlwind, to say the least.)

Other happy reportings . . .
- Candidate Jim is doing well, I think. The campaign is in full swing as we're getting to crunch time -- election is June 8.
- Our department's vice president paid me a compliment today -- it was simple, but it made my day
- I've been writing!! In the last few weeks, I've written a few press releases and there is talk of more writing. Initially, this was incredibly daunting, but I'm really enjoying it
- The fancy dinner went well . . . can't remember if I posted about that, but my Congressman thinks I'm cool. Awesome. :)

Meet me in Elk Grove.

Alex and I are meeting in Elk Grove to talk on Sunday. Poetically enough, it's the halfway point between our respective places. We've been talking a bit this week and so far it's been good. I've hinted at how I've been feeling and we've both said we were missing each other. It's been good to talk to him.

I'm really hoping things go well on Sunday. I have a lot to say, a lot to explain, and a lot to ask for. I don't know what to expect, but I'm trusting that all things will work out as they should.

I mean, that's the only thing I can hope for, right? I'm trying to keep a more Zen mindframe about this -- I'm a compulsive, stresses-too-easily worry wort who fixates and obsesses over 'the unknown factor.' Right here, the X factor is how the conversation will go, what happens next, what is our relationship going to look like in 72 hours (friends? best friends? boyfriend/girlfriend? all of the above?)

And yet, I'm so surprisingly at peace with the game plan now. Probably more at peace than I have been in two weeks. That's saying something.

Speak.

Alex and I talked briefly last night, long enough to exchange the "Hi. How are you?"s, "I'm doing pretty well"s, and agree to talk at a later time. Before midnight, he sent me a text saying, "I haven't been fine. I miss you. I hope to talk to you tomorrow."

Ouch. I replied that I missed him too. He has class tonight and I'm hoping he'll call me afterwards . . . and trying to decide if I'll call him if he doesn't.

Going for a run now . . . just to clear my head. And because I've been eating a ton of junk lately. (Not mood-influenced, more busy-schedule-influenced.)

Sooner still.

I can't be at peace. I teeter totter from "I'm okay with this" to "I need to talk to him." I know this time and space is supposed to be good, but a dear friend reminded me that there aren't rules for this thing.

I feel like I would leave in a heartbeat to drive the (almost) 5 hours just to stand on his lawn with a boombox over my head. It's THAT serious.

I feel like a moron, a hypocrite and a horrible person for having hurt him. I wonder if he'll even forgive me, though. :(

Something's missing.

I can't shake the overwhelming feeling that I might have made the biggest mistake of my life.

I feel like I have lost my best friend. I feel lost. I know it's only been a few days, but I'm praying for some clarity.

I miss him so much and without being able to even talk to him, something is so clearly missing. I question my own reasons for ending things -- I can't believe I ever dared think I was anything less than happy with him. I feel like a hypocrite for expecting some amazing communication from him, but not even giving that in return.

I am trying to believe that this is just my initial, knee-jerk response to the break up, but something deep down is missing and I would give up so much to make it come back.

Over.

Alex and I broke up tonight.

It's been weighing on my heart lately that we weren't really moving in the same direction, that we weren't growing as a couple. I felt like that was just my own doubt slipping in, my own negative chatter in my head. But the longer and harder I looked at things, the more apparent that it became that it was completely true.

And that hurts. The weight of that truth is so oppressively painful. The decision to end things now, while we both still have a chance at walking away more intact than if we broke up later down the road, was so hard. So, so hard. And part of me feels like I have given up.

I'm still questioning whether I made the right decision, even though I know deep down that it couldn't have really worked -- that there were very real factors working against us that were beyond the 'long distance' element, and that they were things that, try as we might, couldn't be helped.

I spent 3 1/2 years in a relationship before this that ended (for me) so seamlessly, painlessly -- but only because we had been falling apart for so long, had been in a bad place for months. Alex did nothing wrong, things were fine, but I still haven't been happy with 'us' for a long time and this still feels like such a shock.

I didn't think we'd split up today, it wasn't on my radar. It just kind of happened. And as painful as it is now, I still feel like this is the calm before the storm.

It takes my pain away.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by Aleve - all day strong, all day long.

My moment of silliness aside, I am a big believer in Aleve as a pain reliever. For some reason, I just don't feel like my body responds well to ibuprofen (Advil), but acetaminophen (Tylenol) and naproxen (Aleve) do a body good, in my book.

The Big Sur Marathon Relay was this past Sunday and my shin has been angry with me since. The first few days, though, I didn't really notice much since it was my hip flexor that really had me concerned. But since that's been appropriately stretched out, healed and whatnot, my shin now thinks it can be the boss of me.

I have lovely new Asics running shoes which I don't get to break in this week . . . until my shin feels better. :( I'm grumpy about this, because of course, I tried on and bought these shoes when it was just my hip flexor bugging me . . . so I haven't run in them at all.

My plan is to be cycling this week, maybe take a spin class or something. I also want to be climbing again -- it's been way too long. But until my shin feels better, no running for me.

Lame.

Now where's my Aleve?