Something over coffee

Cheater, cheater.

2010-11-26T10:31:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make: I am cheating on my blog.

Working for a hospital and diving into healthy living blogs as fostered a desire to write my own healthy-living inspired blog. So several months ago, I did. I still posted sporadically here, but Something Over Coffee was no longer the brand that would represent what I was wanting to say. I'm still working out the kinks and still getting my act together to make my new blog a.) something worth reading and b.) something I can use for leverage at work (I want to blog for the Hospital eventually), but it's a work in progress.

I promise I'll still come back to Something Over Coffee -- I think this would be a great place to write about non-wellness related topics -- like hobbies and craft ideas and books I'm reading and goals I'm setting that aren't related to health.

But if you're interested, I can also be found at WellPurposed.

Hope to see you on both sides of the blogosphere. :)

Camping.

2010-08-19T23:25:00.000-07:00

Alex is taking me camping! I have NO IDEA how that's going to work.
What do I bring?
What do I DO???
HOW DO I CAMP!?!

I'm the daughter of a very indoorsy kind of gal - my mom's idea of 'roughing it' is a hotel lacking room service.

Seriously.

It's a very long, convoluted story about how things this week have gone down, but the most recent "Um, wait . . . what?" moment was just a few moments ago when Alex asked if he could take me camping this weekend.

Uh, of course he can. But I'm sure you can imagine the way my must-plan-everything-in-detail head is just spinning away . . . LOL.

One year.

2010-08-15T15:48:00.001-07:00

One year ago today, I went on a date (sushi dinner and a movie - Julie & Julia) with my best friend, Alex.

The rest, as they say, is history -- the kind that is still being written. Love that boy so much.

See my pretty anniversary flowers? They're gorgeous - peach/coral roses, daisies (my favorite!) and forget-me-nots (appropriate, right?).

Beautiful.

How to Recover

2010-08-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

I'm getting better at being sick. I'm getting better at listening to my body, so I'm getting better at getting better . . . I think.

Wednesday morning I woke up with that telltale tickle-scratch in the back of my throat. Hoping beyond hope I had just slept with my mouth open, I went to work. The remainder of the day, I felt myself get sicker and sicker until I went home with full blown congestion, coughing and just general yuckiness.

Since running and my 30 Day Shred Challenge were both out of the question, I settled for some NyQuil and going to bed early. Thursday I was a little bit worse, and my voice reflected it. Normally my voice is somewhat higher, lighter and when I'm really happy or enthusiastic, can make me sound a bit like a 12 year old. On Thursday, I was starting to sound a bit huskier, raspier and generally sicker-sounding. Not pretty.

Yesterday, it was reeeeally yucky. I'd been medicating with some NyQuil/DayQuil type stuff, but in all honesty, sometimes I really don't like taking that stuff. I do, however, see it's necessity in times like these though, as the cold has settled into my chest. Great.

The best remedy to feeling lousy is rest and fluids, right? Well, that's the current plan.

So today, after I took my phone to get fixed (another story for later), I stopped by Target and picked up orange juice, cream of broccoli soup, some (expectorant) cough syrup, nasal strips, and some sugar free Werther's Originals to suck on (because I HATE cough drops). Oh, and a $6.50 copy of Free Willy on DVD. (Remember this movie?! It was a favorite of mine as a kid. So good!)

I've been camping on the couch watching a House MD marathon and taking in LOTS of fluids. I've also sipped a couple of hot toddies . . . Oh my am I getting good at that.

Robyn's Hot Toddy Recipe:
1 cup of tea (I use a spearmint & peppermint blend tea)
1 Tbsp honey
1 lemon slice
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 oz whiskey

I put the tea bag, lemon, honey and cinnamon in a cup and fill with about 6-7 oz of boiling water. When it's steeped and cooled a bit, I remove the teabag and pour in the whiskey. It doesn't quite conk me out the way I'd been told they do, but I think it's still relaxing and therapeutic in its own way. Honey is a natural cough suppressant, and the tea and whiskey will be warm and sedative.

So here I am . . . sucking down soup, juice, water and a hot toddy here and there. Hopefully I'll be up and running (figuratively and literally) very soon - for now, I'm taking it easy and taking in lots of fluids.

Motivation

2010-07-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you gotta fake it 'till you make it.

Some days, that's exactly how I feel about running. Even though I've logged many miles in the last two years, I still don't know if I feel like a runner. I am, I know I am, but there are days when I don't feel it.

I hope this passes.

In the mean time, I'm runnin' hard, trainin' hard and smiling through it all. After all, attitude is everything and pretty soon the mood will follow suit.

Working on it

2010-07-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

A list of things I'm working on . . . because honesty is the best policy.

*Patience
Learning to be more patient with Alex, with my coworkers, and with myself. I often expect quick turnaround from Alex with regard to text messages and phone calls and it can be frustrating if he doesn't return them in that time frame. It's a little much to expect of the poor, technologically-independent boy. Learning to be patient with my coworkers for their little quirks and 'isms' will definitely help me keep my blood pressure down when things are already chaotic and there are more hoops to jump through. Learning to be patient with myself will help me not feel so frustrated and want to give up when I'm trying to run more, lose weight, climb more, etc. It will help me see that I'm still successful even if it's taking a little longer to reach my ultimate goal.

*Productivity
I'm really trying to contribute more to my office than just the bare minimum. Some days it is really hard to remain motivated, but I'm working on that too.

*Having more fun
I generally consider myself to be a funloving person. Sometimes I just need to make that happen in more tangible ways. Climbing is fun, going out for pie is fun, long runs are fun (even if I'm not at the level I once was -- I'll get there!), trails are fun, being outdoors is fun, cooking is fun, getting a beer with friends is fun, video chatting with Alex is fun . . .

Just a short list for now, but a detailed one. Maybe some more later . . . Er, maybe some more (concise) posts later.

Patience is a virtue.

2010-07-04T01:20:00.000-07:00

I am not a patient person. I just am not.

I'm the girl in the movie theatre thinking about her to-do list and having a hard time actually enjoying the flick. I'm the one who will check Wikipedia for movie endings so if at any point, I decide there's something better to do than sit and watch a movie, I can leave and feel satisfied in my choice to not stick it out.

I'm the girl who gives up so many projects because I don't have the patience and the resilience to see it through.

I jumped into bed tonight ready to catch up on some magazine reading. I grabbed my latest issue of "Runner's World," but also picked up "Linchpin" from the floor, another magazine and a book by Jeff Galloway. Seriously? I honestly think I'll make it through all of that? Perhaps this is why so many of my books remain unread for so long - I give up before I get going.

I had a hard time tonight on the phone with Alex. He's in Alaska with his family on vacation and I am wishing I could be with him, but I know there are some boundaries to respect and it's not really the time for family-type vacations yet. Or maybe it is . . . I don't really know, but the timing of the trip and such didn't lend itself to me tagging along. And that's when all the thoughts of the "we need to talk" variety start brewing - I start feeling excluded, like he bottles things up, that I'm not really a part of his life . . . blahblahblah.

I could (and should) be looking into a mirror as I'm saying that. It would be the proverbial pot calling the kettle black. I want to trust that Alex will be a leader in the relationship, though I still feel like I'm very Fresno-cultured in the sense that I'm expecting things to move quickly. Our one-year anniversary is coming up next month and it was one year ago this weekend (I visited him for Fourth of July last year) that we both started to see that there were some feelings for each other. In my last relationship, marriage was brought into the discussion EARLY. Partly, I think, because in Fresno (a very conservative area of California) it's not uncommon to see people getting married before they graduate college. Partly, I think, because we were young and in love and when you're young and in love, it's hard not to believe in the potential and beauty of your relationship.

So all of this nonsense, this tizzy is spinning in my head and I'm feeling so anxious, so discontent, so ready to call Alex back and unload on him about "Why aren't we making longterm plans yet?" and "When will we actually go camping like we've been saying we're wanting to do for so long now?" and "Are you actually GOING to teach me how to ski?!"

It's all a bit much.

I calm myself long enough to consciously choose to demonstrate love to him and to wait for an appropriate time to start talking about the future. I recognize that things don't have to move at a lightning fast pace, that it's okay if we're not married in a year . . . it's okay if we're not married in five. Toto, we're not in Fresno anymore. Things will happen as they're meant to, we'll go camping eventually and gosh darnit, I WILL get the boy to teach me how to ski. (Namely because I think he'll really get a kick out of me strapped to 2x4's and the lack of grace with which I'll accomplish this. And man, do I love to hear him laugh.)

As my subconscious mea culpa, I sent him a text telling him that I love him -- in all caps, like I'm in 4th grade. "I LOVE YOU ALEX D_____!"

Not more than a few seconds go by and my phone chirps -- "I love you too, Robyn H___. You are by far the best part of me."

And now I'm all choked up from the sweetness of it and so incredibly grateful to be with such a wonderful guy who puts up with my crazy, calms my nerves, stands beside me and loves me so much . . . even if he doesn't realize he does all of that and more.

Me feeling hot, hot, hot!

2010-06-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

As the temperature creeps into the high 90's, I'm immediately understanding of my body's inclination to shed a little weight in the summer. Having spent a few years in Fresno where the temperatures are decidedly oppressive in the summer, heat makes me feel so lethargic, so disinclined to eating . . . ("How hot is Fresno?" you ask. Well, on May 17, 2008, when I graduated college it was 107 degrees outside. Look at the date -- it's mid-May. Summer had barely started.)

Today, I sat down for about an hour with some exciting (to me) cookbooks -- Vegan on the Cheap, Veganomicon, and The 30-Minute Vegan. I went over to Whole Foods and picked up a LOT of produce after some menu-planning. I'm so excited, though!

I'm becoming quite the foodie, I think. I made my own vegetable stock this afternoon -- with tomatoes, parsnips, carrots, celery, onion, garlic and leeks. I opted to make my own because I rarely need very much vegetable stock and buying a carton of it means I should probably commit to using the whole thing within its "best for 7 days after opening" timeline. So now the stock is cooling and after that, I will figure out some way to freeze it.

stock, simmering
Am also enjoying a glass of my new favorite wine. Yum! :)

Opala - vinho verde
I spent an hour in the kitchen -- prepping the veggies for the stock and washing and cutting vegetables for the rest of the week. I'm so looking forward to some tasty dinners this week. I think the best part of summer is the freshness of food. I hate things that are too heavy and tend to have to force myself to eat things like bread and pasta.

So I will be making live cilantro-cucumber soup (served cold), Greek salad w/ tofeta (tofu feta), and French lentil chili this week. I am elated.

When it all comes down . . .

2010-06-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

Somedays, things just suck. It's hard. Life stinks and work makes you crazy.

And sometimes, that's not your fault. (Sometimes it is, but for the sake of argument, sometimes it's not.)

And on those sometimes, it is important to become even more aware of your place, acknowledge your own responsibility, apologize if necessary (but don't apologize if it's not), and move forward.

I'm having one of those "somedays," it would seem. Here's to a happier, less-stressed, more-centered tomorrow.

A list of loves

2010-06-21T01:08:00.000-07:00

- Mad Men . . . Almost finished with season three, so I'll be completely caught up for season four starting next month

- Nail polish . . . Haven't worn it in so long, my fingers look so new and novel - like I never noticed them before. Isn't that funny? A little red polish and boom! I'm suddenly acutely aware of my hands.

- Clean laundry . . . I love it. Always. Clean Sheet Day is the best.

- Running . . . It's been so long since I've been really interested in this, but I'm falling in love with the sport all over again. I'm so looking forward to my race in October.

- Working out . . . I've found all sorts of free time now that I'm not campaigning. Time for hitting the gym, though I'm not climbing as much as I could or should. It's something to work on, but in the mean time, I've got plenty on my plate with running and doing more yoga. I'm even starting to like the weights.

- My new trail shoes . . . Since I'll be running a trail marathon in October, it seemed only fitting that I should train on trails, not just roads. I bought some Mizuno Waves and I'm soooooooooooo excited to break them in!!! Probably Tuesday . . . Have a West Wing marathon tomorrow night.

- Books . . . I need to read more. Lately, I've been a bit spend-happy in the bookstores. Nothing too extravagant, but the extra $30 could have been spent a little better. I've been buying cookbooks. Vegan cookbooks. I'm not a vegan, don't expect to be, but I do prefer to eat vegan food when I can. Need to actually COOK the food I lovingly look at in the books, though . . .

- Linchpin, by Seth Godin . . . A personal development book I picked up. I'm really looking forward to using it to help me create a better niche for myself at work. The premise of the book is that it helps inspire you to make yourself invaluable to your organization, no matter your rank. I do well for myself, I love my job and I certainly feel as if they appreciate me, but I know I won't be in this position forever and I would like to leave big shoes to fill should I ever leave. Is that too lofty a goal? I think it's challenging . . . :)

It is so good.

2010-06-12T23:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, life is so good, it almost hurts.

I slept in today and spent the morning on the couch, drinking tea and flipping back and forth between MSNBC and CNN, catching up on the current events I have so sorely been neglecting.

I showered, got dressed and hit up Santana Row, one of my favorite places to shop in San Jose -- it is so nice to sit in the outdoor cafe areas and listen to live music (flamenco guitar, anyone?). Indeed, it's a beautiful spot for a warm summer day where I sat with my iced Passion Tea and read.

I hit up Lululemon Athletica and found a new yoga mat and a DVD of yoga designed for folks with tight hips (which I totally have).

I drove to my gym, where I ran, biked and climbed for about an hour (total - not each! I'm not THAT fit . . . yet.) ;) A quick shower at the gym and I was off . . . to Whole Foods! The store is almost a religious experience for me . . . or at least, the produce aisle certainly is.

After picking up some goodies, I found myself on my way back to my apartment, where I cooked up some mustard lemon butter cauliflower and made a salad of fresh heirloom tomatoes, shredded basil and fresh mozzarella. I ate in the cool, evening air on my balcony.

Dessert was plain Greek yogurt with fresh raspberries, some rolled oats and a drizzle of honey. Also had me a glass of Riesling - delightful!

And now I'm drinking in the night air (okay . . . and some more Riesling!) and am so blissful . . . so relaxed . . . so THANKFUL for this. Sometimes life is so good, it almost hurts.

What are you thankful for today?

Slacker, slacker, slacker!

2010-06-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

I am such a bad blogger . . . Well, lately I have been. I've just been so busy . . . So frickin' busy. Work seems to be picking up lately -- I find myself leaving in the evening and realizing that I feel like I've just arrived. That's a good feeling, no doubt, but the campaign has certainly taken up a lot of my energy.

Alas, there will be no more campaigning, though. Jim Cogan came in third place, which means he didn't even make the run-off to possibly get elected in November. We felt pretty blindsided -- the entire campaign, we had been crunching numbers that supported the thought that Jim would likely end up with 23% of the vote for the district, which would almost guarantee him a space in the run-off. On election night, we watched precinct numbers coming in, only to see that after 65 precincts were accounted for, Jim only had 13% of the vote.

That doesn't seem like a whole lot, but given that there were six candidates, it's pretty good. And he did come in third, which isn't bad . . . except it doesn't qualify him for the run-off. Majorly disappointing. I don't doubt that the volunteers were circling the correct spaces, but with limited funding and an apathetic district (less than 12,000 voted in a district of 46,601 registered), it feels like such a huge letdown.

Here are my tips on how to be a good voter:
1. Register -- seems simple, but seriously, you'd be surprised at how many people don't care. If you don't care, don't register and at least be honest about the fact that you don't really care.
2. Read -- read everything. It makes you more informed, it helps make the decision easier. Read the good stuff, read the not-so-good stuff. Every candidate has pro's and con's -- don't assume your guy is flawless.
3. Vote -- again with something seemingly simple, this is a huge deal. I get frustrated hearing how disappointed people are with their leadership, but they don't actively engage in the process. Did you vote for your council member? No? Then stop complaining about the roads and vote for a guy who will take care of that.
It became pretty clear on election night just how apathetic our district is -- I doubt very seriously that all of those people who said they would vote for Jim did, in fact, vote for him. If they had, he would have done much better.
4. Stay informed -- it can be hard to do all of the necessary research for voting, but it's so much easier to stay informed if you make a point to listen to at least a little bit of news every day.
5. Donate -- you don't have to send big bucks to a political campaign, but even a $25 donation makes a difference. It will go toward mailer supplies or at least, for a pizza or some water bottles to keep the volunteers fueled and hydrated while they're making (literally) hundreds of phone calls and knocking on thousands of doors.

I could go on and on and there are probably a bunch of things to write about being a good voter, but those are just my general, hopefully-helpful tips.

Sometimes

2010-05-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

Just sometimes . . .

I feel like I'm too willing to help, like I'm especially eager-to-please or that I come across as being a little too available.

This gets me in trouble in the sense that I take on more than I probably should. I've always suffered from bittenoffmorethanIcanchewitis. It's a tragic, chronic condition I'm afraid.

So I'm practicing the art of saying, "No."

It seems so . . . revolutionary. It's a simple word, but man if it doesn't pack a punch sometimes . . . Of course, I am well aware that in certain environments (e.g. work), "No" might not be the best answer to give and generally it's advisable to say "Of course I can help" or "I'd love to lend a hand" or "Yes, I'll show you where the pencils are (again)" as many times as necessary, so my "No" policy will be a bit more lax there.

But my weekends? They are mine. I get to decide how much of my time anyone else gets. If there's one thing squeezing in gym workouts and as much sleep as I can has taught me in the last several weeks (okay, months), it's that it's okay to put myself first sometimes.

200th Post!

2010-05-20T21:13:00.001-07:00

This is my 200th post and I'm happy to say, that the meeting with Alex went very well. I don't mean to sound trite, but it really did.

I left San Jose around 7 on Sunday morning, stopping for coffee before I hit the road, of course. After a couple of hours driving (I must have been serious -- I made the drive in just under two hours when it normally takes about 2:45), I hit Borders, where I would be meeting Alex.

My stomach was practicing its acrobatic routine, I couldn't stop fidgeting. On the ride up to Elk Grove, I'd thought things through and decided on what I wanted to say. Of course, seeing him . . . all those things that were articulate, well-put and sounded good flew right out of my brain.

We sat in Borders and chitchatted for a bit. I stammered and could barely hold eye contact with him -- so nervous! -- as I told him about what I'd been thinking, feeling and experiencing leading up to our big conversation. I apologized for hurting him. I told him that I was wrong for ending things.

I told him about how and why I was feeling like a hypocrite.

I didn't cry, I didn't beg, I just calmly explained that I knew he had no reason to trust me here, but if he was willing to try again, I was willing to try to be a better girlfriend. I told him, that most importantly, I didn't want him to think I came to meet him with an agenda (even though I kinda did). I told him that I understood that he was hurt and that I wasn't in a position to really ask much of anything, but if he wanted to take some time to think about things, that was okay with me.

"I need to know that you are 100% sure," he said. "Because I can't go through that again."

My heart ached hearing the pain in his voice, but I nodded and told him that I was sure.

"I wouldn't have asked to meet you if I really wasn't sure."

He nodded and we got quiet for a few minutes. We were walking around at this point and the conversation turned away from the serious stuff. Some more conversation, joking and just talking -- partly because that's what's natural for us, but I'm sure on some level it was to avoid the elephant in the room.

Finally, we circled back into Borders and perused the literature section. As I stared at Lewis Carroll and Vladimir Nabokov (yeah, that's a spectrum alright), he said, "Okay . . . I don't want to wait. I don't want to sit here and pretend like I'm thinking about it."

My nervous, worrywort self was surprisingly at peace -- looking at him, looking into his eyes, I could tell -- he forgave me, he understood.

"I wouldn't have come here if I didn't think we could work this out," he said.

He grabbed my hand and smiled. I smiled back. And then he leaned in and kissed me. And that feeling? The one I get when he kisses me and I can feel it in the floor?

Yeah, that was still there. :)

(My apologies for such a late update -- this week has been a whirlwind, to say the least.)

Other happy reportings . . .
- Candidate Jim is doing well, I think. The campaign is in full swing as we're getting to crunch time -- election is June 8.
- Our department's vice president paid me a compliment today -- it was simple, but it made my day
- I've been writing!! In the last few weeks, I've written a few press releases and there is talk of more writing. Initially, this was incredibly daunting, but I'm really enjoying it
- The fancy dinner went well . . . can't remember if I posted about that, but my Congressman thinks I'm cool. Awesome. :)

Meet me in Elk Grove.

2010-05-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

Alex and I are meeting in Elk Grove to talk on Sunday. Poetically enough, it's the halfway point between our respective places. We've been talking a bit this week and so far it's been good. I've hinted at how I've been feeling and we've both said we were missing each other. It's been good to talk to him.

I'm really hoping things go well on Sunday. I have a lot to say, a lot to explain, and a lot to ask for. I don't know what to expect, but I'm trusting that all things will work out as they should.

I mean, that's the only thing I can hope for, right? I'm trying to keep a more Zen mindframe about this -- I'm a compulsive, stresses-too-easily worry wort who fixates and obsesses over 'the unknown factor.' Right here, the X factor is how the conversation will go, what happens next, what is our relationship going to look like in 72 hours (friends? best friends? boyfriend/girlfriend? all of the above?)

And yet, I'm so surprisingly at peace with the game plan now. Probably more at peace than I have been in two weeks. That's saying something.

Speak.

2010-05-11T21:03:00.000-07:00

Alex and I talked briefly last night, long enough to exchange the "Hi. How are you?"s, "I'm doing pretty well"s, and agree to talk at a later time. Before midnight, he sent me a text saying, "I haven't been fine. I miss you. I hope to talk to you tomorrow."

Ouch. I replied that I missed him too. He has class tonight and I'm hoping he'll call me afterwards . . . and trying to decide if I'll call him if he doesn't.

Going for a run now . . . just to clear my head. And because I've been eating a ton of junk lately. (Not mood-influenced, more busy-schedule-influenced.)

Sooner still.

2010-05-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

I can't be at peace. I teeter totter from "I'm okay with this" to "I need to talk to him." I know this time and space is supposed to be good, but a dear friend reminded me that there aren't rules for this thing.

I feel like I would leave in a heartbeat to drive the (almost) 5 hours just to stand on his lawn with a boombox over my head. It's THAT serious.

I feel like a moron, a hypocrite and a horrible person for having hurt him. I wonder if he'll even forgive me, though. :(

Something's missing.

2010-05-06T23:18:00.001-07:00

I can't shake the overwhelming feeling that I might have made the biggest mistake of my life.

I feel like I have lost my best friend. I feel lost. I know it's only been a few days, but I'm praying for some clarity.

I miss him so much and without being able to even talk to him, something is so clearly missing. I question my own reasons for ending things -- I can't believe I ever dared think I was anything less than happy with him. I feel like a hypocrite for expecting some amazing communication from him, but not even giving that in return.

I am trying to believe that this is just my initial, knee-jerk response to the break up, but something deep down is missing and I would give up so much to make it come back.

Over.

2010-05-02T23:56:00.001-07:00

Alex and I broke up tonight.

It's been weighing on my heart lately that we weren't really moving in the same direction, that we weren't growing as a couple. I felt like that was just my own doubt slipping in, my own negative chatter in my head. But the longer and harder I looked at things, the more apparent that it became that it was completely true.

And that hurts. The weight of that truth is so oppressively painful. The decision to end things now, while we both still have a chance at walking away more intact than if we broke up later down the road, was so hard. So, so hard. And part of me feels like I have given up.

I'm still questioning whether I made the right decision, even though I know deep down that it couldn't have really worked -- that there were very real factors working against us that were beyond the 'long distance' element, and that they were things that, try as we might, couldn't be helped.

I spent 3 1/2 years in a relationship before this that ended (for me) so seamlessly, painlessly -- but only because we had been falling apart for so long, had been in a bad place for months. Alex did nothing wrong, things were fine, but I still haven't been happy with 'us' for a long time and this still feels like such a shock.

I didn't think we'd split up today, it wasn't on my radar. It just kind of happened. And as painful as it is now, I still feel like this is the calm before the storm.

It takes my pain away.

2010-04-30T09:58:00.001-07:00

This public service announcement has been brought to you by Aleve - all day strong, all day long.

My moment of silliness aside, I am a big believer in Aleve as a pain reliever. For some reason, I just don't feel like my body responds well to ibuprofen (Advil), but acetaminophen (Tylenol) and naproxen (Aleve) do a body good, in my book.

The Big Sur Marathon Relay was this past Sunday and my shin has been angry with me since. The first few days, though, I didn't really notice much since it was my hip flexor that really had me concerned. But since that's been appropriately stretched out, healed and whatnot, my shin now thinks it can be the boss of me.

I have lovely new Asics running shoes which I don't get to break in this week . . . until my shin feels better. :( I'm grumpy about this, because of course, I tried on and bought these shoes when it was just my hip flexor bugging me . . . so I haven't run in them at all.

My plan is to be cycling this week, maybe take a spin class or something. I also want to be climbing again -- it's been way too long. But until my shin feels better, no running for me.

Lame.

Now where's my Aleve?

All this glitz and glamour . . .

2010-04-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

Being part of a political campaign - even on a smaller scale like city council - is pretty interesting . . . There are always doors to knock on, phone numbers to call, volunteers to recruit and flyers to pass out. There is also a lot of schmoozing to be doing.

I've been invited to attend the Santa Clara County Democratic Party's 20th Annual Jefferson-Jackson Dinner! It will be held at a fancy hotel in San Jose and I'll be wearing formal attire.

I'm really, really excited. I was invited as a thank you for all of my work with the campaign, which makes me feel pretty honored -- I'm the only volunteer going, I think.

Laura and I have plans to do some serious shopping this weekend -- sadly my beautiful black Jessica McClintock dress doesn't fit. :( Then again, the last time I wore it was high school . . .

Cross your fingers that I find something lovely that isn't too expensive. ;o)

Buzz, buzz, buzz

2010-04-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

I'm a buzzing, busy bee lately . . . The SJ City Council campaign is really starting to go well and I'm enjoying the learning process. For some reason, I have always worked well with men between the ages of 55 and 80 -- they think I'm Gidget or something.

Greeting people coming in, I flashed a big smile and gave a friendly, 'Hello!' to a gentleman and his wife that passed me. The man made eye contact and said, "Thank you! Smiles are contagious and you did a good job."

Totally made my night.

Our candidate did really well -- he started off a bit nervous with his introduction, I think, but in the actual Q&A segment, he rocked it. His name recognition is picking up in District 9 and I hope to see him win in June.

Let's go, Jim! :oD

"I need coffee . . . STAT!"

2010-04-19T09:02:00.000-07:00

There are some perks to working for a hospital - one is the rate at which you increase your medical lingo. I have gone from using vague, prosaic words to describe medical maladies to actually know what things like "hypertrophic cardiomyopathy," or "hematoma," or "Moyamoya syndrome" are.

My current favorite jargon choice is "stat." I mean, really . . . does it get any simpler?

After a lazy day yesterday, I don't think I was quite ready to settle in for the night when I went to bed around midnight. I try to be in bed, preferably asleep by 11:00-11:30. That allows me a comfortable amount of sleep so I'm not super tired the next day. Only last night, I guess my body and brain thought, "Hmmm, well, she hasn't done much at all today, so we need to make sure she's productive . . . now." It seemed to take hours to fall asleep. I was still having issues long after 1:00, I'd wager.

Drinking Red Bull on the way in to work this morning and all I can do is wish I could take coffee intravenously (oh yeah, that's a hospital word, baby). ;o) I really wouldn't even mind if it stopped my heart at this point . . . Something tells me that would wake me up for sure.

A lazy close to the weekend

2010-04-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

I vegged for most of today. I laid in bed reading my new favorite blog, I lounged on the couch watching Gilmore Girls, I ran a couple of errands . . . but only after I half-heartedly attempted a shower and threw on some loungey, slouchy clothes.

I am getting my thyroid checked soon, I think. The weekends hit me so much harder than I think they should. Saturday was busy with some canvassing, a trip into the city (San Francisco -- when you live in the bay area, regardless of your actual address, "the city" is ALWAYS San Francisco), and then some help with the campaign. It doesn't sound like it should have been as exhausting as it felt. :o/

Spending a lot of time with this campaign means I talk to a lot of guys pretty regularly and I usually end up working with the campaign manager (also a guy). It's all completely fine and there's nothing wrong, but it really makes me miss Alex. We haven't seen each other in a while and the communication has been faltering a bit lately. I'm hoping he and I can reconnect when he's here this coming weekend for my race (running 5 miles as part of a marathon relay) -- this long-distance thing seems to get harder. :o(

I cooked a lot tonight -- red lentil dal, cauliflower with mustard lemon butter sauce, and Brussels sprouts (I cook them in a pan with a drizzle of olive oil, minced garlic and red chili pepper flakes - YUM!). Yum, yum, yum. I love cooking. It is surprisingly therapeutic to me. :o) Cooking such healthy food is a joy, too. Really, I take such pleasure in it.

So with all of the busyness, the tireness and the "eh"-ness of life lately, I'm finding a surprising comfort in cooking something that nourishes me to take on life with more strength and vigor.

I'm alive! I swear!

2010-04-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe it's been so long since I've posted anything . . . I guess I just haven't been inspired to blog lately?

I won't lie, I have been itching to start writing a wellness blog on Wordpress for some time now, but that's kind of a pet project anyway. I can explain more later -- and I promise, I'm not cheating on Blogger.

These last few weeks have been interesting. Not too much happening, but still busy, busy, busy . . . Wow. Last week, I went to a fundraiser for the campaign I'm helping with, which was actually a lot of fun. It turned into a big networking project because I was meeting so many people and swapping many a business card. Awesome. :)

After the fundraiser, one of the other volunteers from the campaign was playing a gig with his band in Los Gatos, so a bunch of us trekked over and hung out at a neat bar called Mountain Charley's which is upstairs above some other shops and had a really neat feel to it. The band was awesome and of course, it was nice to kick back, have a few drinks and get my boogie on with some cool people.

Friday night, Annie came into town and we hit a pub in Sunnyvale. What were we thinking? Sunnyvale is cool, but not as cool as downtown San Jose. Not by a longshot (apologies to any Sunnyvale readers who think their downtown is a big freakin' deal -- I don't share that opinion but maybe someday I will). We danced with a Samuel L. Jackson look-alike who told us we smelled good (seriously) and had a drink or so.

Saturday, Annie and I looked at an apartment (for her, I'm not moving for a LONG time) and went to the beach in Santa Cruz where we learned how to build a bonfire without the assistance of lighter fluid. Annie gets the credit for the building, I get the credit for the moral support and wood-scrounging. We burned old letters from ex-boyfriends. It seemed kind of poetic . . . sort of.

Well, it did until I woke up the next morning and logged into Facebook to find out that the ex whose letters I read and skimmed one last time before tossing into a fire is now engaged. That's right. My fine, how-do-you-do yesterday morning was seeing "Jake R____ is engaged to Leanne H_____." Oh . . . holy . . . crap.

My heart may have actually stopped. It was like a bomb that kept exploding. Needless to say, we opted not to stay indoors and chose to grab coffee and take a long drive. A few friends called to check in on me -- most likely to verify that I hadn't thrown myself off my balcony, which was very much appreciated.

I guess, more than anything, I'm just stunned . . . My ex that I had at one point planned on marrying, the one that I split with less than a year ago, has asked someone else to marry him. It's not that I never expected him to move on (I was genuinely happy for him when he had started dating someone), I just never would have expected the first girlfriend after me would be the one he'd end up proposing to. Shocked, stunned, and yes, even a little upset, but this will wear off, I'm sure.

So that's where we're at . . . And the weather is really reflective of what's going on, I'd say. Rainy, stormy, and "grey" -- if that's a weather pattern.

Anyway, I did manage to put in a guest post over at Meghan's blog, so there was SOME blog productivity happening . . . ;o)

Hope everyone else is faring better -- hopefully I'll have something more articulate next time.

Happy Monday! (If there is such a thing . . .)

Rest and rejuvenation.

2010-03-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

{I took this picture on a hike in 2008. Pinnacles National Monument, CA.}

Taking a night off from gym, exercise, doing anything really . . . I think I've eaten some bread . . . some hummus . . . Nothing special, nothing productive, nothing I've labored on. I'm just breathing in and letting the week drain from me.

I might draw a bath, I might read a book . . . maybe. This evening, I soaked up the later sunshine on my balcony. Cozy in my big chair, I semi-sort-of dozed and idly flipped through a book and sipped some Earl Grey (my favorite). I drank in every ounce of still, quiet and serene.

Tomorrow is a mental health day . . . Maybe I'll sleep in late . . . go to yoga . . . climb some walls . . . drink tea and read.

Found a fun book called "Entre Nous" at Anthropologie. Gosh, I love that store. I would furnish my house in fun things from there . . . except my budget doesn't exactly allow for that. LOL. Maybe one day when I'm rich and famous . . .

I have gone 'round the bend.

2010-03-24T19:11:00.001-07:00

Looking back through my blog, I searched for a post that would have talked about the marathon I ran last April. I didn't write anything. Nothin'. Zilch.

There were several posts leading up to the big day, but none detailing what happened, how it went, what the course was like . . . at all. (Note: There IS a note written on my Facebook, but I'm still shocked that I neglected to post here.)

Well, I'll give myself another shot. Two of them, actually. At some point, yes, I'll post about the marathon last year, but in the not-so-distant-future, I will also have another post about the marathon I'm running in October.

Yesterday, I signed up for Marathon #2 -- which will be prepared for more safely, thoroughly and with much greater peace of mind. On October 30, I will be running the Napa Wine Country Marathon -- 26.2 miles of Callistoga trails.

I am SO excited.

Below is a picture from after the race. Please note that the squinched up, puffy face is from when I crossed the finish line and promptly began bawling at the wave of emotions that hit me. Ha ha ha.

Annie hugging me at the finish line. She put my medal around my neck. All I could sob was, "I did it!"

Okay, NOT a hot photo, but I'm just glad you can't quite see all the tears and snot. Also glad photos don't have odors associated with them because I was smelling a little ripe, to say the least.

2010-03-23T00:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know how I managed, but I put in two HOURS of climbing today . . .

Considering only about half of that was actual climbing (the other half I was on belay), I torched about 800 calories. (No joke.) But oooooohhhhhhhhhh am I going to be sore tomorrow . . .

Weekend recap

2010-03-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

- Visit from Annie
- New hair (don't know what you can tell from the picture, but it's about the same color -- kind of a medium-dark brown)
- Vegan Chinese food in Mountain View
- Drinks at O'Flaherty's Irish Pub (new favorite!)
- Gallavanting around downtown San Jose with a friend from college
- Late-night veggie burgers at Peggy Sue's
- Santana Row farmer's market (1 lb each of baby bok choy, mustard greens, and Swiss chard, plus a bundle of cilantro -- $3.50. Rock on!)
- Nice long drive

The point of no return (sort of).

2010-03-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

I have once again reached the point where one box of hair dye will simply not be sufficient. My hair is barely past my shoulders (by about 2 inches) and it's T-H-I-C-K. So thick, the bottle of hair dye I used just now was sputtering and running out just as I was finishing up the crown of my head.

Whew!!! But by the time I dye again, I'll probably need a second box . . . just so I can be totally thorough.

Dang.

Make me over . . .

2010-03-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

There's such a buzzing, positive vibe going around today . . . and I think I caught it.

This week has been a teensy bit trying as I was trying to recharge without actually giving myself time or opportunity to do so. As much as I try to fight it, I AM an introverted person - I communicate better in writing, I can be more withdrawn in some social situations because having lots of people around physically/mentally/emotionally drains me, etc. I'm not shy, not antisocial, I just need my alone time to energize myself.

So this morning at the office, we're busybusybusy . . . but it feels GOOD, surprisingly enough. I feel like I've caught a bug - a positivity/optimism bug and I like it.

I feel more productive and engaged in my workplace. I feel like I'm growing . . . It sounds a little hokey, I'm sure, but when I'm slammed in a positive way, I enjoy feeling like they're keeping me stimulated and on-my-toes.

If I had a million dollars . . .

2010-03-19T09:29:00.000-07:00

Just for today, I'm inclined to think on what I would do with a million dollars. There's so much I'd like to do, but what would make it special? I mean, I'd love to pay off my car, buy a house, and all those other lovely things that would set me up so I'm not shelling out several hundred dollars a month in rent and car payments, but what else . . . ?

* Traveling

Kind of a given, but I'd love to tour Morocco, Egypt, India, Australia, France, Switzerland, Germany, England, Italy, Ireland and Spain. I'd die to go to Greece, but I'm saving that as my ideal honeymoon. If the future hubs and I don't go to Greece . . . You know what, scratch that . . . I really hope to marry a man who knows how happy that would make me. (Obviously, I could change my mind, but for now, I'm just dreaming.)

* A library

What I would give to have a whole ROOM of nothing but BOOKS! To put all of my books in one area and keep adding and adding to the collection. Ah, to be supremely wealthy and have something like that! I consider myself very fortunate to have had two parents who both enjoy reading and liked reading to me when I was little. I had a babysitter who was in school to be a teacher at the time who taught me so much -- like how to count to 20 in Japanese when I was two. My first grade teacher probably impacted my love of reading the most -- she sent me home with chapter books while other kids took home little paper books their parents would sign saying Little Johnny had read this aloud to them. I've been a big reader ever since -- heck, I got my degree in reading! (English literature, folks.) To have a room all my own filled with some of the best stories ever penned? My heart races at the thought . . . :oD Maybe someday . . . For now, I'm content to have my outdoor reading space on my balcony.

So that's a short list of what I'd do with a million dollars. There's plenty more I'd like to do (like have a small amount set aside for my wedding someday, save for my kids' college funds, etc.) but those are more pragmatic, future-minded decisions. These are just for fun . . .

What would you do with a million bucks? :o)

Vetoed.

2010-03-18T15:18:00.001-07:00

Conversation between me and my buddy, Adam:

Me - Oooh! Oooh! *raises hand* Campaign suggestion!!! We should have Jim answer everything with "That's what she said."

Adam - Vetoed.

Rats. Guess this is why I'll never really have a career in politics . . . This and my irrepressible sarcasm and inability to take anything too seriously.

The best laid plans . . .

2010-03-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

Last night sooooo did not turn out the way that I'd expected -- in fact, it turned out better.

I left work a little worried that I'd be late to the fundraiser because I was wanting to go home and change my pants. As luck would have it, pomegranate lipgloss had dripped on my pants earlier in the day, meaning I had a lovely berry-colored stain on one leg. Fabulous.

In a last minute change of plans, I opted not to go home because the stain was located near the inseam of one leg and I rationalized a.) most people wouldn't be looking at that spot on my pants, and b.) that I could always just keep my legs crossed and no one will notice at all.

The fundraiser started off a little . . . erm, boring. (Sorry, Adam -- I doubt you're reading this, but just in case . . .) Political fundraisers are reputed to be a little dry and this one lived up to that. It got progressively more interesting (one gentleman stopped by claiming to be the most accurate, prolific prophet alive today -- we didn't really know how to take that) and ended with me and Adam -- the campaign manager and possibly my long lost cousin (we have the same last name) -- hanging out afterwards with another friend and some leftover wine.

My mom had sent me a text earlier asking if we could postpone our run, so at that point, I decided to relax and not stress about the agenda for the rest of the evening. I was at the restaurant until almost 11. They had kicked us out of the restaurant to close and we all still sat in the parking lot and chatted for a while longer.

I didn't get to bed quite as early as I'd hoped, but it was a much better night than anticipated. Today, I'm wearing green and sipping birch beer with lunch. (All of my readers and blog buddies on the east coast probably know exactly what I'm talking about, but let me tell you, finding birch beer in California is like trying to find a four-leaf clover (not impossible, but pretty frickin' hard!) I haven't had this stuff since I lived in Pennsylvania! (It's been at least fifteen years!)

Kudos to Mollie Stone's for carrying birch beer and a happy St. Patrick's Day to all! I am celebrating my diluted Irish heritage by eating potato chips. (Hey, potatoes are an Irish staple, no? Okay . . . maybe I'll pick up some soda bread too. Ha ha ha.)

Losing steam

2010-03-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

It's only Tuesday and I'm fading quickly.

A whirlwind trip, back in the office, visit from my boyfriend and much busyness tonight helping a city council campaign, running, and trying to do ten other things . . . I'm losing steam . . . fast. I'm also going to run/walk with my mom.

Couple this with a less-than-optimum level of sleep and I just feel very run down . . . on Tuesday.

I have company coming this weekend and I have a race I need to be training for, gym time that I need to squeeze in, other stuff that I'd LIKE to do, but I just don't have the energy for.

I'm trying to take care of myself in the mean time - it would be really bad to get sick now. Trying to eat well, wash hands more frequently and take in lots of fluids since I know I'm a walking target for a cold/flu.

I feel like if I sleep well tonight, I should be okay. I'm crossing my fingers.

Work until 4:45
Leave, get to fundraiser at 5:30 (have to swing by apartment for workout clothes)
Leave, get to house at 8:00
Leave, go home at 9:15-9:30
Shower and bed (hopefully) by 10:00

Somewhere in there should be a shower and phone call to Alex, though I'm sure he'd forgive me if I crapped out tired by the end of it all. Here's hoping I sleep better tonight than I have the last few nights.

The Flight to Vegas (Or: How Robyn Scored a Free Beer)

2010-03-15T20:30:00.001-07:00

I love Southwest Airlines - they are friendly, accommodating, timely and best of all, cheap.

I left San Jose on one of the most beautiful days we've had in a while -- warm, sunny, perfect. I packed, I cleaned my apartment (seriously - spotless perfection! was so nice to come home to that!), I met my mom downstairs and she drove me to the airport.

Given the warm weather in San Jose, I chose not to pack my heavy wool coat. I figured my Fresno State Alumni sweatshirt would be A-okay in case of cooler temperatures in Vegas. Walking through the airport security, of course it meant I got a quick pat down from the security officer, but whatever -- I was comfy, warm and good to go.

Southwest has open boarding, meaning I got to sit wherever I wanted. Naturally, I chose the front row, aisle -- all the leg room in the world. (Well, as far as planes go that is.) As I'm settling in, I buckled my seat belt and opened my book.

"Hey! Fresno State!"

I look up and the captain of the plane is staring and pointing at me.

"Yeah?" I said.

"I went to Fresno State! Do you live in Fresno?"

"No," I said, "Not anymore. Just when I was in college. But that's so awesome that you are a Bulldog too!"

"Wow. Small world. Yeah, I went to Fresno State a long time ago. I liked it there."

I smiled and chatted with the captain politely, but he soon ducked into the cockpit to fly the plane -- as all good plane captains should. I saluted him with a friendly, "Go Bulldogs!" a wave and a smile.

About twenty minutes into the air, the flight attendants begin taking soda orders. One approaches me, leans down and says, "The captain would like to buy you a drink. What would you like?"

Oh yes.

"Um, I'll have a beer, thanks," I said.

The beer tasted awesome at 30,000 feet and I was grinning the whole ride. How cool was that??? As I got up to grab my notebook and pen from my purse in the overhead bin, I heard, "Hey! Fresno State!"

I looked back a few rows and a young guy in slacks and a shirt with a neatly trimmed goatee is pointing at me and smiling at my sweatshirt.

"Yeah?"

"I went to Fresno State!!" he said enthusiastically.

Wow. Small . . . freaking . . . world. I guess it's not too shocking -- Fresno and San Jose are three hours apart, but still . . . two Bulldog alumni in one night??? That was a "Whoa!" moment.

I told my fellow Bulldog about our good captain and sat back down to write him a thank you note. I didn't see Captain Jeff (the flight attendant wasn't sure of his last name) after we landed, but that was okay. Leaving the note with the flight attendant, I stepped off the plane and into the Vegas airport.

A good start to the trip . . .

My note:

Captain Jeff, Thank you so much for my drink and more importantly, for flying me safely from San Jose to Las Vegas. :o) As it turns out, a gentleman a few seats behind me is also a Fresno State alum! I guess the Bulldogs were in good company this evening. Thanks again! Take care, safe travels and best of luck to you. Go Dogs!!! :o) Sincerely, Robyn Horn, Class of 2008.

Surfacing

2010-03-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

While entering this post, my title bar remembered the word 'surfacing,' which tells me I need a bit more creativity on these posts . . .

Any way . . .

There is much to update on -- the past week has been a bit of a blur with a trip to Vegas, the flight back, a brief check-in at the office and then hosting Alex for the weekend . . . Dang. A lot.

But all in all, things were great and there are many points of joy to update on . . . later. Right now, it's very late, I'm sleepy and need to wash down my NyQuil with an Airborne chaser. (Plane cooties are gross -- I need to be more proactive about traveling germs because coming down with a cold after vacation is lame.)

Recap: the first 24 hours

2010-03-07T19:27:00.000-08:00

Just so you know...

- Bulky sweatshirts will get you a pat down when going through airport security
- Sometimes the same sweatshirt will get you a free drink
- Fremont Street is actually a pretty neat area of Las Vegas
- Champagne brunch buffet creates a strange, constricted feeling in one's waist (can't really figure that one out... Lol)
- Vegas has no open container laws, which is how I got to drink the rest of my champagne as I waddled back from Main Street Station to our hotel without getting arrested

Viva Las Vegas!

2010-03-06T10:29:00.000-08:00

Point of joy yesterday -- bouldering with new friends. That was really great. :o) My hands are all roughed up, my arms are tuckered out and I think I still have chalk in my fingernails.

Bliss. :o) It was really good to be trying, stretching myself.

Today felt good to sleep in . . . I'd told a friend I'd help canvass neighborhoods, but last night I bowed out so I can get everything ready -- for Vegas!!!!

Tonight, I'm getting on a plane to Las Vegas. I'm meeting Joanna in Vegas and we're going to be there until Thursday. Blogging may be a bit more sporadic, but I'm really stoked for a long, long girls' weekend. We found an amazing deal through Priceline -- five nights in a hotel on Fremont Street (part of the more historic part of Las Vegas) and a plane ticket from Illinois (where Joanna is) for $230.

Sweet!!! And we're off!!! :o) I'm packin' my bags and my mom's picking me up in six hours. Awesome.

Legit.

2010-03-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

I passed my belay test - I'm certified to belay!!! :oD For anyone reading who might not be familiar with the terms, I'm certified to manage the ropes and basically keep other people from falling to their death while rock climbing.

I'm really excited. (Definitely my point of joy for the day.) You see that red card attached to my harness? Oh yeah . . . That's my belay certification card.

Feels goooooooooood. :o)

Climbing

2010-03-03T23:17:00.000-08:00

This title might be a bit misleading as I didn't actually climb tonight. But watching, seeing people go higher and higher up the 60-foot walls (yeah, that's right 6-0) made me feel a bit more at peace with everything, made me a bit more motivated for how I'll be changing, how my body will be different for the process.

Today I'm joyful about my gym - the comfort I'm beginning to feel in this new setting. I struck up a conversation with a new person there tonight and it felt good not to isolate myself or wait for an acquaintance to be my social crutch for a few minutes. (When did I get so shy??? I didn't used to be like this!!! What happened?!) It's about pushing myself more and more . . . and I'm growing happier and happier about that decision.

Tears and Rain

2010-03-02T10:31:00.001-08:00

No, I promise, I'm actually in a pretty good mood - in spite of some general badness from yesterday. Thankfully everything got resolved pretty easily, the big mess up wasn't my fault (thank goodness!) and life went on.

The title of this post is the title of a song I'm really digging lately - "Tears and Rain" by James Blunt.

The dreary weather brings me to listening to David Gray, Cat Stevens, the Beatles (but really, who NEEDS a reason to listen to the Beatles? - right, nobody), Missy Higgins, Amos Lee, and James Blunt.

Today, I am joyful for good tunes, good coffee, my favorite kind of weather and the vase of pussy willows on my counter. I don't know why, but I look forward to those every year. Maybe because you really only ever see them in the spring? Perhaps because I like to pet my plants? Who knows . . . All I can confirm is that they're so stinkin' cute and look adorable in my purple vase on the counter. :o) Photo to come . . .

Lesson learned: don't do yoga on an empty stomach

2010-03-01T22:28:00.000-08:00

Went to a vinyasa yoga class tonight at Planet Granite. I think I would have loved it more if I weren't trying to keep my balance from the light-headedness I was experiencing. The class began at 7:30 and I had gone straight to the gym after work (got there around 6:15). I ran, but not to the level I wanted. I moved into the poses, but not with the coordination I was expecting. It took about 30 minutes of classwork to put two and two together: body was tired, energy pretty darn low.

Normally, I don't think I would have let this affect me, but I tried to remember when I had last eaten. My mind did this: "..............." Crickets. I figured if I couldn't remember the last time I'd fueled my body, it had probably been too long. No wonder I felt so funny! I was very hydrated, but starting to get dizzy and felt weak.

The last time I'd eaten anything substantial was 2:00, though I'd snacked on some celery (yeah, I eat it plain because I'm weird and LOVE the flavor of celery) around 4:00.

Lesson learned. Don't go to yoga with a full tummy, but don't expect a good experience without some sort of fuel in your body. Considering my diet today was almost purely produce, it's no surprise that it was burned up pretty quickly.

So now I'm eating dinner and it's after 10:00 at night. I am joyful for food in my tummy (spicy tofu with broccoli).

Other things that brought me joy today:
- yoga, even if I did get dizzy in that warm studio
- breaking a sweat
- rain (I really am a fan of seriously miserable weather)
- a short to-do list
- getting ready to go on vacation (woohoo!)

Groceries.

2010-02-28T16:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I post about food too much . . . and then I think, "Well, everyone eats food, so why not?"

I have come to love Sundays - they're my produce-shopping days. Grapes, oranges, yams, jalapenos, portabella mushrooms, broccoli, celery, asparagus and a pound of greens (for salads). The biggest problem here is deciding what I'm eating first.

Today I got up early and met a college friend and a few others to go door to door and pass out information about Jim Cogan, a candidate for District 9 City Councilmember in San Jose. For four hours, I knocked on doors, passed out flyers and talked to residents. It was new, different and gave me a greater appreciation for the groundwork that gets put into place for political campaigns.

The things that brought me joy today:
- tasty produce (mmmmm, I love my fruits and veggies!)
- a warm, sunny day that induced driving with the windows down
- the completion of the closet reorganization project
- a cupcake I'm going to have later tonight (a small way to celebrate Alex's birthday, even though we don't get to be together)

Balsamic sauteed kale . . .

2010-02-27T20:17:00.001-08:00

I sauteed some kale with olive oil, garlic, 2 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar. I threw in some cut up sundried tomatoes and about a 1/2 cup of garbanzo beans. I mixed it all up, let it get nice and warm (the kale starts to wilt) and plopped it in a bowl. I sprinkled with some goat cheese and voila! Deeeeeeeeeelish! :o)

The rough estimates if you would like to make this yourself -- all in all, it took about 15 minutes after everything was prepped.

Balsamic Sauteed Kale w/ Garbanzo Beans, Sundried Tomatoes & Goat Cheese
1 bundle of red kale
3 cloves garlic, minced
about 6 sundried tomatoes, cut into small pieces
1/2 cup garbanzo beans
2 or 3 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
salt & pepper to taste

1. Cut out and throw away center ribs from kale and cut leaves into medium size pieces
2. Put in a pan with olive oil and minced garlic, cover and cook over medium heat until leaves start to soften
3. Toss in garbanzo beans and sundried tomatoes, stir. Cover and cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.
4. Remove from heat and serve. Top with an ounce of goat cheese crumbles and season with salt and pepper to taste.

Soooooooooooooooooooo good! :o)

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em . . . and 25 Days #3

2010-02-27T11:18:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and sent a coworker a text to let her know that I was officially signing on for pager duty, rolled over and dozed off. I got up a little while later but shortly thereafter, crawled back in bed and snoozed for another 20 minutes or so. Lather, rinse, repeat . . . twice.

In the spirit of compromise, I'm working from bed now . . . Well, I'm not working, but I'm in bed. I brought my computer, my tea and my breakfast with me -- I'm celebrating my low, low cholesterol by eating eggs sunny side up.

Last night, I took the plunge and signed up at Planet Granite. It must have been divine timing that I opted to go home before heading to the gym - as I finished the paperwork, I looked at the schedule of yoga sessions (free to all members) and noted that the Friday night class started at 6:45 - it was 6:39. Woohoo!

I had my butt sufficiently kicked. It was a power yoga class and though I did everything to the best of my ability (I opted out of the headstands), I am now acutely aware of the muscles in my shoulders . . . and my legs . . . and my hips . . . and . . .

But today, I find joy in a lazy day to rest (tomorrow I'm helping a friend canvass neighborhoods for the city council campaign he's managing), my moving, working body, a good book to finish (sorry, San Jose Library - just add the 50 cents to my tab), and a cup of tea . . .

25 Days - Day 2

2010-02-26T09:23:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday!!!

Did this week seem especially long to anyone else???? Wow, I must have been dragging. It was busy, but still . . . way too long. I am looking forward to a quiet weekend of cleaning and organizing (that closet project needs to be done already - sheesh!) and reading . . .

I'm looking into a membership at Planet Granite - a rock climbing gym in the area. A few months ago, I was so stoked about getting a free membership to the Arillaga sports complex at Stanford, but I rarely use it. :o( I don't really care for the facility all that much. I think I was a bit disillusioned by the pricetag (uh, free), but now it's becoming apparent that perhaps I should be going somewhere else.

The last couple of days, I've REALLY done well in terms of my eating habits. SparkPeople is an online tool I use to track my calories and nutrition - and I've noticed I've really changed my eating habits by observing what I eat. Example: lunch today is a pineapple teriyaki portabella mushroom "burger" on sourdough, a salad with garbanzo beans and homemade dressing, and a baked yam. So good!! So full of vitamins and good stuff (okay, the teriyaki probably isn't the healthiest of sauces, but it's still tasty when accompanying other good-for-you-foods).

Monday night I binged on mozarella sticks after I got home late. After a few days of some clean eating, this was a major blow to my system - or at least it felt like it was. I made them out of convenience. What also would have been convenient would have been dumping some salad in a bowl and tossing in some dressing - but that's a mental note for next time. Later that night, laying in bed I felt queasy, sick and like I couldn't get enough water. With all of the sugar, salt and fat in my dinner, it's no surprise that I had a junk food hangover the next day.

And since then . . . All is well. I'm eating healthy stuff again. I'm working out (running) again. My system is recovered. I'm still working on taking in more water, but other than that, I'm doing very well. Which brings me to day 2 of the 25 Days of Joy - what brought me joy today was packing my lunch and putting in things that I know will make this machine I operate daily work so much better, smoother.

And tonight I'm going to scope out Planet Granite. :o)

25 Days

2010-02-25T09:08:00.001-08:00

Day 1 (for me) of a 25 Days of Joy series started by Ms. Abbey Feldkamp on her blog. Simple enough - post something that brought you joy today.

Today, I found great joy in buying a cup of coffee. A coffee addict, I usually rely on whatever I make in the mornings or whatever I make at work. Trying to be a bit more frugal and finance-minded, I've all but cut out trips to Starbucks. This morning, I made an exception and purchased a grande bold pick with room for cream. It feels more special, you know?

On the agenda today:
- trying to ID over 75 perfect strangers in photos (seriously)
- get in some cardio (went for a run last night and it felt amazing)
- figure out my climbing (am contemplating membership at Planet Granite)
- eating REALLY good food!!! I'm most excited about this, can you tell? In my lunch box: a salad with chickpeas and homemade dressing, some almonds and dried apricots, red lentil dal [a staple for me - I make it once a week], and a baked yam. Ohhhhh . . . it's going to be a tasty day!

Letter box

2010-02-21T12:20:00.000-08:00

When I was a kid, my dad worked for a custom home building company. He basically oversaw the entire development and managed the work that got done for beautiful homes that were designed to their owner's exact specifications.

The company built full-scale models of the homes and had interior decorators come in and make the houses beautiful. All of this was to give the idea of the possibilities that exist for buyers.

After all of the houses in the development had been sold, the model homes were sold to the highest bidder. Before they could be sold, though, all of the furniture, linens and decorations were auctioned off to employees of the company. My parents ended up with a lot of beautiful furniture in the years that my dad worked for this company as the minimum bid was 10% of the retail value -- at one point, they ended up with a beautiful solid oak coffee table and paid $35 for it.

One of the things my dad got for me in this process was a really pretty wooden box. It's painted a cream color and has gold edges with a design of vines and leaves on the top. As I've gotten older, I've appreciated the design a bit less, but I know I can always repaint it. I use it for letters - from my grammy, my friends, loved ones or special occasions.

This weekend, I've been purging my closet and dresser of unnecessary items and clothing. Papers that have no purpose are being recycled, objects I no longer use are going to the Good Will and other odds and ends are finding new uses or new homes. The one thing I didn't really count on was finding old love letters.

When I dated Jake, he did a stint in the Marines and spent three months in boot camp. I received several letters from him then, later on I received letters he had written with his future wife in mind - at that time, we were certainly planning on getting married. But now, now that I'm dating someone else, it feels so strange to even realize that I still have these letters tucked away in some crevice of some box that sits on some shelf in my closet.

I'm a bit torn - the nostalgic part of me would like to hold onto these, for the days when I'd like to remember, but it's been almost a year since I broke up with Jake, it's been six (wonderful) months dating Alex and I can't help but feel that hoarding these might be a bit disrespectful. Of course, there aren't only letters from Jake (I had a couple of admirers in high school, ha ha), but I don't feel any hesitation thinking of throwing them out.

Alex and I have talked about a future together in a very general sense, but I feel confident in the strength of our feelings and commitment we share. I just don't really know what I should do about these letters - the ones I've forgotten, the ones that aren't really relevant now. Part of me would like to keep them for a rainy day, to remember the lessons I've learned and experiences I've had that have gotten me where I am. Part of me thinks that past is gone, it's time to cherish memories and not hold onto paper momentos that might be disrespectful to my currenty sweetheart.

So I pose a question - to anyone reading this - what do you advise doing? Do you save letters from old beaus? Do you hang onto things from serious relationships to remind you of the relationship that you had?

I'm completely ambivalent about this . . . yet I feel like I need to decide something more definitive and I'm open to any advice.

You can expect . . .

2010-02-11T19:54:00.000-08:00

You can expect an interesting day at work when you receive a photo request and the words "brain" and "tapeworm" are used in the same sentence.

**shudders**

Gross.

Doubt

2010-02-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I am prone to some seriously crippling self-doubt. The kind that sabotages my work in how it tricks me out of being as productive as I need to be. The kind that makes me question whether or not I deserve the kind of happiness I've been experiencing lately. The kind that makes me wonder if my friends, boyfriend and what have you will even want to love me in a week, month, year.

I don't know how to reconcile what I know to be true with this darkness that sweeps over me from time to time. Occasionally, I can identify how it stems from something else that's bothering me -- stress about work and stability will make me question whether Alex is loving me just as much today as he did yesterday. (Yes, I know that it MAKES NO SENSE.)

Taking a magnifying glass to the last couple of days, I look at the factors that are causing me to doubt just about everything right now: some slip-ups at work make me feel like I can't hack it, busy schedules and tired bodies mean Alex and I haven't talked as much and I feel a bit neglected, the realization that for living in this area as long as I have, I haven't exactly made many friends (the fault is me not putting myself out there enough), and an upcoming trip has me fretting about saving enough money.

All of these things are so minor, but create a drama that's so unnecessary, so much bigger than it ought to be. I KNOW I'm doing fine at work, I KNOW things are great with Alex, I KNOW I can make friends (just need to go be social - what a concept) and I KNOW I'll have more than enough for all of my needs/wants even with this trip.

So why do I worry still? Why do I doubt myself? Why must I fret?

I like to believe my desire to see the bigger picture in life can sometimes be overwhelming - that the reason I sweat the small stuff is because at times, I don't see the big stuff. I'm literally missing the forest for the trees. But stepping back, and wiping away my nervous, anxiety-fraught tears, my vision's a bit clearer:

Things are fine. Truly just fine.

And as simple as that statement is, it has such a profound effect on me when I really allow myself to absorb its truth.

Tuesday Tops

2010-02-09T17:21:00.000-08:00

1. My proximity to Trader Joe's
I had an irresistible craving for salt & vinegar chips today. And for chocolate. And bread. And cheese. (Ladies, let's ponder for a moment what this must mean.) Moving on . . . I live on the same block as a Trader Joe's, which is a happy miracle. I honestly chose my apartment because I liked the complex, the granite countertops and other things about the building and grounds. Happily enough, I'm within a mile of two Starbucks (very important, though sadly neither have a drive through), a Trader Joe's, a Whole Foods, a Chipotle, a Target, a branch of my bank, and several gas stations. Not too bad, right? Needless to say, the fact that I can WALK to Trader Joe's came in pretty handy. ;o)

2. Remember the Milk
I used this site for three days before I upgraded to the pro account. It lets me keep my to-do list at hand (there's an iPhone app that works with the pro account), let's me break down, prioritize and organize complicated tasks, and the tags and keyboard commands to sort each item make my OCD heart so happy.

3. Mint.com
I started my account several months ago but kind of forgot about it. This year, I have a resolution to become more financially savvy, to save more money and to start investing (in what I don't know, but I'll figure that out later). Mint.com allows me to plan my budget, factor in aaaaaalll of my spending, and weighs my assets/loans/etc. The budgeting feature really helps me evaluate and plan for regular expenses like groceries, gas, etc. It links through to my BofA account and analyzes my spending based on the transactions coming through. It's so smart and I don't have to go back and put "Chevron" into my gas budget or "Trader Joe's" into the groceries budget. Plus, it has an iPhone app too, meaning my budget is at my fingertips.

4. Pugliese bread
Trader Joe's sells sourdough pugliese bread which perfectly dense yet chewy and just a little bit crusty. Sooooooooooo good.

5. Gerber daisies
Found them at Trader Joe's. The stems are long, but that will give me plenty to trim as I maintain them. They're so happy and colorful. They look great in my kitchen. :o)

Cutie patootie.

2010-02-08T21:00:00.001-08:00

Love this boy. :o)

Books to come back to???

2010-02-06T09:55:00.000-08:00

I just created a list titled "Books to come back to" listing, you guessed it, books that I haven't finished but would like to though they're not on my priority list anymore.

I'm currently working on several books from the library, but all are approaching that final renewal category. There are so many books I have in my own library that haven't been finished and (worse still) have never been read that I really feel the pull to make a dent in that stash before I continue to yank books left and right off of the shelves.

In the mean time, I've chosen a few from my library stash (and the one I most recently requested -- it took me two months to get it because there was a wait) to keep trucking along with - one I'm enjoying in spite of it's slower pace, one I love because it's a memoir, and the last is my current read ("Eating Animals," by Jonathan Safran Foer).

Alex tells me I'm not quitting because I have plans to come back to them. I'll stand by that answer . . .

Wear Red Day 2010 (or, How I Learned to Write Myself a Note)

2010-02-05T11:08:00.001-08:00

Soooooooooo . . . Today is National Go Red Day, to promote women’s heart health awareness, and our hospital’s clinic is participating and we’ve really been pushing it from our office. Well, Gary took us out for breakfast this morning and we just met him at Hobee’s but guess who showed up NOT wearing red? Yup. I forgot. Completely spaced.

So after catching some good-natured grief from everyone else, I get in my car to drive back and grab my badge (on a red lanyard), my nametag holder that Hayley made me (with some red beads) and looked in the backseat for anything else I could pass off as intentional red. I found . . . my rock climbing shoes. Yes, brick red rock climbing shoes. I’m sporting them with jeans and a navy cardigan and they totally look out of place, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right?

My feet look like this:

I feel so fashionable. LOL. Just more subject matter for that book I end up writing, right?

Guilty.

2010-02-04T09:09:00.000-08:00

I really struggle with guilt. Things I did years ago still bother me, still make me feel like a horrible person. I try to reconcile that I've grown up, that I'm different, and that really, I AM a good person.

But I still feel like I'm just not good enough. Your classic INFP, I have very idealistic expectations of myself and the world. While I'm usually very forgiving of the shortcomings of others, I have a hard time extending this forgiveness to myself. I feel badly, I want to let things go and sometimes I'm very good at it, but every now and then, it is almost crippling how badly I feel about my own shortcomings.

I have a pretty strict code of right and wrong and a guilty conscience that goes with it. I often struggle with the notion that I can be a very good person without being perfect. I expect a lot of myself and I don't always know how to reconcile this.

Last night I was reading a Joyce Meyer book and she briefly discussed learning to accept ourselves as God accepts us - knowing full well that our flaws are present, but loving us in spite of them. God doesn't approve of our sin, our transgressions but he loves us all the same. It seems like such a simple concept, to be able to separate a person from their actions, but for me, it's hard to do with myself.

As I grow, I'm learning that things don't have to be perfect to be satisfying and fulfilling. My job is not perfect - yet there are stretches of time where things fall into place easily, I tap into my creativity and feel a sense of purpose to what I'm doing. My relationship with Alex isn't perfect either - it's wonderful, but there's no such thing as perfect in my book since he and I are both human beings. But it's still great - he makes me laugh, he makes me think, he makes me feel loved and special. My friends sure aren't perfect, but they love me and I love them.

I'm learning to let go of these perfectionistic expectations, but sometimes it's really hard. It's hard to think that I'm giving up on a task without even trying, but then I remember that I'm not giving up on something normal, I'm redefining my already too high standards. There's nothing wrong with having high standards, but sending them through the roof is often asking for failure, which hereby brings on the guilt. Here's to the learning process . . . **lifts coffee mug**

Snaps, snaps, snaps! :o)

2010-02-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

Snaps to me indeed!

Recently, our hospital's monthly newsletter got a major facelift. As the manager of this particular publication, the task was laid before me to learn our new format, including some new Photoshop skills and put everything together in a matter of just a few weeks. My task list looks like this every month:
- schedule photoshoots
- review and assign photos to pieces appropriately
- publish webpages for each story and link to each article snippet
- edit photos for newsletter (both for the individual pages and for the newsletter itself)
- plug everything into our Constant Contact template
- final review with Gary before distribution
- create PDF of newsletter to mail to physicians

All in all, it's not a great deal, but this month was slightly complicated as we tried to get in the Photoshop fun stuff that needed to be done for our photos to work with our gorgeous new layout. Add to this the back-and-forth of one particular piece on which we haggled over wording and it gets more drawn out than it should be. Things came together somewhat seamlessly and in the end, the newsletter looked just gorgeous.

So much so that our Vice President of Public Affairs (my boss's boss) came over to me to congratulate me personally on "a job well done." True, I didn't design it and was only following instructions, but it came together very well and didn't require any frantic phone calls to the designers from under my desk while I remained in the fetal position.

So snaps to me, I guess. :o) I'll take the compliment especially considering who it came from. Below is a screenshot of the top of our new, snazzy newsletter - when it's finalized (i.e. we have this in PDF format and on our webpage), I'll link to the better copy. (But didn't 1185 do a bang up job?! Here is one of our old newsletters -- there really is no comparison.)

Pasta + kale + carmelized onions + lentils = Yum!

2010-01-31T20:41:00.000-08:00

I tried a new recipe tonight -- pasta with kale, carmelized onions and lentils. I kind of winged it with Rachel's recipe -- Rachel has a lot of vegetarian recipes and she's never steered me wrong.

This was good - the onions were sweet and the pasta/lentils combo was really filling. I also really liked the kale - it was my first time trying kale, too. :o)

I think it would taste REALLY good with some tomatoes -- probably of the sundried variety. ;o)

And so commences an evening of "When Harry Met Sally," a glass of wine, laundry folding, and further menu and exercise planning for the week.

Sometimes, this level of domesticity for a 23-year-old is a bit weird, though. Hmm.

Yuuuuuuuum!

2010-01-30T19:21:00.000-08:00

Being a vegetarian has it's challenges and it's perks. One of the biggest perks is the increased dependence on your own creativity in the kitchen sometimes.

Recently, everyone in my office took a personality test to see where our character strengths are. My top trait was creativity - which I'm pleased to see.

Last night, I looked in the fridge for something to eat. Sitting on the shelf was a two-pack of tofu. With my tofu and some new finds from Whole Foods, I tapped into that creativity I supposedly have and voila! A hereby nameless, but nevertheless tasty dish:

{in the pan -- please pardon my turmeric-stained spoon}

So here are the ingredients and directions if it looks at all appetizing . . .
1 half-pack of extra firm tofu (about 5 ounces)
1 green onion, chopped
1/4 cup fresh cilantro, chopped
about 2 Tbsp olive oil
red pepper flakes (to taste)
cayenne pepper (to taste)
juice of 1/2 lemon
about 2 Tbsp soy sauce
about 2 Tbsp white vinegar
2 ounces (dry) capellini (angel hair)

First, I cubed the tofu and put it in the pan with the olive oil. While I was frying the tofu, I boiled angel hair pasta. In the pan, I threw the chopped green onion and cilantro and seasoned with the red chili pepper flakes and sprinkled with cayenne. I drizzled the vinegar and soy sauce over it then covered and let it simmer for a bit while I strained the pasta. After this, I stirred the pasta into the pan, tossing it with the tofu. I let it fry in the pan with the cover off (to let the noodles crisp just a bit). After a few minutes, I sprinkled with some more soy sauce, vinegar, chili pepper flakes and cayenne. All in all, I think this took maybe 20 minutes.

{all finished - just wishing I photographed food better}

Mmmmm!!! There was some good heat, good flavor and texture to it. I'll definitely be recreating this one.

But what to name it????

It's tricky, tricky, tricky.

2010-01-29T11:10:00.000-08:00

(My Run DMC references are over. I promise.)

I don't know why, but I find it difficult to ignore the peevish feelings that arise when my coworkers do things like ask me if I've received email, talk to me from another room, or ask me about whether I've completed a task before I've even gotten to it yet. They tend to crop up in situations where I feel I'm being treated like someone's personal assistant (which I'm not) and for reasons beyond my understanding, my usually cheerful, happy-to-help self is left in quite a state. Can they see the steam coming from ears? Is it seeping out between my teeth as I try to smile and be pleasant? The following is a list of frequently arising work-related pet peeves:

1. Asking me if I've received an email
Generally speaking, my email inbox works quite well. I understand that technology isn't always fool-proof, that there are glitches, but in general if you send me something you can bet that I've received. I may not have had a chance to reply, but I have it and will get to it.

2. Talking to me from another room
Okay, there's really only one person who does this and it's because their office is fairly close to my desk which means I can hear them speaking to me. Of course, they get agitated when they can't see that I have headphones on and can't hear or that I'm ignoring whatever is being said. Maybe that's because if you're dying to tell me something you could a.) send me an email or b.) come up and talk to me.

3. Asking me if something's completed before I've even started
Now, if I were a slacker, this would be totally warranted and absolutely essential to making sure I'm getting the tasks done that need to be completed. However, I'm not a slacker. I'm a pretty hard worker. I also have many projects on my plate. Is it so difficult to understand that I can't publish a web page in under 15 minutes yet? Is it impossible to grasp that your tiny request of making a PDF of a file will be done after I've attended to the urgent project on my plate at the moment? Goodness gracious -- I'll GET to it!

Now, before I convince anyone that my coworkers are horrendously annoying people (they're not - they just have moments), there are two bright beacons of redemption. My boss is always so nice when requesting anything from me. Even when he's stressed, flustered and having a hard time to remember to throw in a "please" or two, he's still polite and knows that he can trust me in finishing what I need to get done in time. I mean, he IS my boss -- and yet he trusts me more than those who do not directly manage me? Interesting.

My coworker Lisa (name has been changed to protect the innocent) is the kindest, most thoughtful person I've ever worked with. She apologizes for interrupting me, she asks me to do something "when [I] have a chance." Just that wording alone makes me more inclined to help her because I think, "Of COURSE! Yeah, I'll take care of that little thing right now while I'm thinking of it."

In all seriousness, do you think Jesus had pet peeves? I mean, I'm positive that he would have dealt with them much better than I ever could and I pray that I will become more like Him in dealing with minor things that irritate me (because they really are minor). But sometimes, that quest to be more like Him demonstrates to me just how far I have to go and reminds me to be humble about my own shortcomings.

Ouch, ouch, ouch!

2010-01-26T08:45:00.001-08:00

I hope to write something better when my shoulder isn't all seized up. I don't know if I slept funny or what (I'm a tummy sleeper unfortunately, it happens), but yesterday I woke up with a stiffness in my neck and shoulders that just worsened as the day went on.

By the end of the day, the neck was "eh" (a 4 on a 1-10 scale) and the shoulders were "whoa! dang!" (a 7.5 on a 1-10 scale) of pain. Taking a hot shower seemed to help, but laying in bed was awful. I just couldn't get comfortable to save my life. It hurt to try to sit up, roll over, relax too much, or otherwise try to make myself comfortable.

This morning, the movement has been very slow. I avoided driving on the freeway to work because that would require more use of my neck than I am painlessly able to offer. I'm waiting for the Aleve to kick in, the whole time wishing I could just camp on the couch.

I think I should have called in sick. Tuesday Tops tomorrow if I'm feeling up for it.

Friday Favorites

2010-01-22T22:14:00.001-08:00

Friday Favorites - (n.) Like Tuesday Tops but not quite.

- flowers
- my new wine rack freshly installed by my dad
- my handsome boyfriend getting a pretty great opportunity at work (of course, it prolongs the amount of time until I see him, but I'm happy for him and really excited)
- my technologically challenged self managed to hook up my router (I'm blogging from my kitchen bar . . . NOT from the living room floor per the norm before this)
- books
- red lentil dal (I took Rachel's recipe -- it's a favorite and I make it once a week, usually)
- frozen bread (as a single girl living by herself, a loaf of bread usually goes bad before I can finish it so I've opted for freezing the loaf and pulling out and toasting slices as needed)

Tonight:
- veggie burger on toasted sourdough bread with goat cheese and mustard
- red wine
- long chat with my honey
- an organization 'game plan' is in the works

Current mood: loving life.

In spite

2010-01-22T09:13:00.001-08:00

In spite of the dreary weather . . .
In spite of my currently low iron level (read: zilch energy) . . .
In spite of a birthday weekend full of high-calorie foods . . .
In spite of my own lack of motivation and pushing myself . . .

I've still managed to lose 1.6 pounds since last week. :o) I was praying to just break even . . . but I lost.

I'm going to run tonight, rain or not. Bring it, El Nino!

Lions and tigers and . . . tornadoes? Oh my!

2010-01-20T14:12:00.000-08:00

Well, Palo Alto officially has a tornado warning in effect. It has been dumping buckets of rain for a few days now and lighting and thunder abound. It's come and go for the most part, but we've been officially "warned." There could be a tornado coming.

Of course, the sky's not green/yellow and there are no funnel clouds to be seen anywhere and thankfully, no hail, but hey . . .

We've been warned.

Tuesday Tops

2010-01-19T21:26:00.000-08:00

Alrighty, I know I'm not fair to post twice on the same day after I just gave you a seriously epic blog, but there's some good stuff to mention.

1. My "person" -- Katie Beth is my "person" - a term we take from 'Grey's Anatomy' to indicate that friend that you have that you can call at 4:00 AM, the one who knows you so well they don't even need to ask how you're doing, the one you call to help you move a body. (Well, hopefully you won't have to, but just in case . . . ) This weekend, I would have liked to have had some one-on-one Katie time too, but I guess this means I have to go visit her in Fresno soon. :o) She freakin' rocks and that's all there is to it.

2. Stanford Hospital Emergency Medicine -- Last Thursday, I volunteered with several other hospital employees to help pack up medical supplies for four of our docs to take to Haiti. These docs will be there for three weeks helping with the ongoing relief effort. What they're doing is truly heroic. I hope everyone reading will at least think about donating to the Red Cross or other relief efforts.

3. Flowers -- I've been treating myself to fresh flowers lately. Rachel, a blogger I follow at Heart-of-Light does a weekly post called Friday Flowers, which is part of my inspiration for Tuesday Tops. Every Friday, she posts photos of pretty flowers (she's quite the photographer - among many other talents and lately, I've found that fresh flowers do more than just die in a vase. They brighten the room, they add color and vibrance and quite simply, they provoke a smile or two. This week I have beautiful, deep red ranunculas. I'll try to take a pic and post tomorrow.

4. Dyson -- The most recent addition to my aquarium, Dyson is my plecostomus. He's here to help me keep the tank clean from algae -- I named him Dyson in the hope that he'd never lose suction. Ha ha ha. :o)

Recap -- Sorry guys, it's a doozy!

2010-01-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

This weekend (Saturday specifically) was my birthday. I was greatly looking forward to a visit from Alex and some fantastic tourism of the Bay area variety. I woke up feeling good on Friday morning . . . only to have had my fantastic weekend plans completely unravel by the end of the day.

To say that Friday was awful would be something of an understatement. At work, I talked to my mom about running shoes (we're participating in a marathon relay in April) and ended up agreeing to having dinner with the family at home. I was REALLY looking forward to going out to PF Chang's with my family and Alex -- the food is great and there are plenty of vegetarian choices.

I really beat myself up over this; I felt like an awful person for being so selfish, but I didn't really know what to do. What should I have said? "No, Mom, I'd really rather go out"? I'm certain if I had, my mom would have been fine with it, but my not-wanting-to-be-a-burden tendencies (an oldest-child complex, I think) made me think better of it.

Feeling rather glum, the day progressed with some more "meh." My mood was significantly lifted when I ran into old friends at lunch and got to enjoy some good company at Chipotle. I felt so much better going back to the office, until later.

While in a meeting with a much-respected design firm, a colleague interrupted to "remind" me of an upcoming deadline for a news release I hadn't published yet. I would like to write a bit more to explain, but it's a bit complicated. Suffice it to say, it was neither the time, nor place for them to have approached me for the discussion and I was beyond mortified in front of some very smart, very successful and very nice, helpful and generous designers who were walking me through our new layout for Discover SHC, the monthly newsletter I manage. I felt awful, and completely helpless as one of the designers asked me, "Do we need to leave?" "No, of course not," I stammered, "It's fine." But it totally wasn't.

After the meeting concluded, I cranked out all that I needed to do, making my deadline like I had expected and been so rudely reminded of. I excused myself and cried in the bathroom to release that stress and frustration. It wasn't that I felt awful, it was the mental agony of what these designers now thought of our office -- of how our future business will go. Ugh.

I ended up talking to my boss about it, which helped, but I still didn't feel great. The clincher to my day?

Alex tried to call me twice while I was in my meeting. Due to the projects on my plate that afternoon and the lousy reception in our office, I didn't really get to pick up the calls. Two voicemail messages let me know that he was sitting in the doctor's office with a high fever and a bronchial infection. I knew without him saying, he wasn't going to be here this weekend -- and then I cried all the way home.

Saturday, I still felt lousy, but somewhere during that afternoon, after my mom and I had talked, I showered and went to the mall. I decided I had to decide if I was going to let my awful, awful day yesterday cloud my entire birthday weekend. Coming from a stubborn girl who likes to really celebrate birthdays, the idea of giving into the yucky feelings was a little too much. So I shopped a little, treated myself to a pedicure (I really think the sparkly fuschia toes were a catalyst to the bad mood lifting) and drove to my parents house.

We ended up going to PF Chang's after all and mom (who typically makes carrot cake on birthdays) even Google'd a recipe to make red velvet cake - just for me because it's my favorite. And truth be told, her cream cheese frosting is the best in the world. No doubt.

The following day, Annie spontaneously came to visit me. And then we met up with Katie (also in the area for slightly spontaneous reasons) who introduced us to some seriously awesome people. Warm, welcoming and truly fantastic people. (You reading this Jeremy? Probably not . . . but if you are, that's you I'm talking about!) A night of good company, good conversation and some good wine -- it was wonderful. Such a good night. We drove all over San Jose and blasted Hanson (yeah, you read that right). The next day, Annie and I made a pilgrimage to Mecca where I found a brown duvet set that I loved, a plant stand for my growing herb garden, and some other fun things.

All in all, the weekend certainly turned out better than I expected it to once I gave in and allowed myself to experience the possibility for good things to happen in spite of such a sucky, stilted beginning. Alex and I have rescheduled our plans to see each other and I'm looking forward to it. I'm also glad that he stayed home and had the chance to rest his body and get better (even though I missed him terribly). Yes, it was a good weekend (and a three-day weekend at that!) and now I can truly say I am thankful for the good things that happened -- good friends, family time and relaxing -- that I might have taken for granted otherwise.

I think God has a pretty good sense of humor sometimes.

Oh, I can't keep it in! :oD

2010-01-13T12:44:00.000-08:00

I'm down a whole pound since Friday (1/8)!!!! I can hardly weight -- er, wait -- for our Biggest Loser Challenge weigh-in Friday. Am soooooooo excited, but trying not to be too stoked in case the scale shows me something not quite as generous on Friday.

Reasons why I think I legitimately lost the pound:
- I've been doing a VERY good job of sticking to my calorie range that SparkPeople recommends
- I've been eating well - not too much fat, too much sugar/salt/etc.
- I've been exercising more
- I'm wearing heavier clothes today (khaki pants and a shirt versus a silk skirt and tee from Friday) -- okay, maybe that's not quite the legitimate one, but whatever . . . every little bit helps, right?

Now, granted, I'm barely up to running a mile (ain't runnin' no marathons yet!) but I've been working other activity in as well -- walks at lunch time, exercise videos on On-Demand and trying to do little exercises here and there.

It's very motivating to actually see a difference on the scale but the weird part is . . . I feel different. I feel lighter, if you can believe it. And gosh darnit, I hope it shows on Friday, too!

I think I'm going to wear the same thing I wore last Friday -- which could very well become my Friday attire for the next seven weeks (until the challenge is over). But if I keep up the good work, I'll be in a bikini this summer, which I can honestly say has not happened in almost four years.

:o)

Tuesday Tops!

2010-01-12T12:45:00.000-08:00

Wow, a whole week without posting anything?!?! Yeah, I don't even know about that . . . But I am active in the blog community, mostly in the sense of reading them and commenting here and there.

This week's list . . .

1. Protein!!!
As a new vegetarian, I'm still working on gaining a sense of what my nutritional breakdown should look like. Mainly in the sense of finding high protein, but low calorie (because I'm trying to trim down) foods . . . It's hard! Exactly 22 almonds (an official 'serving') work out to be about six grams of protein -- just six!!! I need at least 60! Gah! So needless to say, I'm learning and taking in as much as I can . . . But for now, I'm still a die-hard fan of lentils -- 18 grams of protein for 1 cup of lentils (almost 1/3 of my daily requirement).

2. SparkPeople
Oh my heavens . . . I think I'm in love. I must credit Jackie for turning me onto it. I love all of the health articles, the forum exchanges with fellow vegetarians/vegans, the daily recipes and workout suggestions and the nutrition and fitness tracking. Oh gosh . . . It really does have everything -- if you'd like, check out http://www.sparkpeople.com. (And if you'd like to be my Spark Buddy, my profile is icanhazcoffee2.)

3. Reading
I'm really getting into reading again. :) I'll go for long periods without reading anything and I feel like such a dork getting back into it because I read so much slower! When I stay on top of reading, I keep pace better. Right now, I'm working on "Assassination Vacation" by Sarah Vowell, which I thought would be a much lighter read, but it's still very good. She's witty and interesting and it discusses in depth more anthologized segments of history that are typically glossed over in classes.

4. CNN
I was such a CNN junkie in college . . . Wow, no joke. I would keep it on all the time. Now, I don't devote a whole lot of time to the news, but I like watching "CNN Newsroom" while I'm getting ready for the day. It's some nice background noise and something interesting to focus on while I'm putting on my makeup or ironing whatever I've picked for the day.

5. Advanced meal prep
I've started prepping my lunch the night before. It's saved me a boatload of time in the mornings -- I can grab my lunchbox, throw in an ice pack and go. I wash my salads (I love my salad spinner more than life itself right now), portion off dressing, snacks and my entree (usually leftovers of whatever I had the night before) and grab a piece of fruit.

And that's it for today, folks! ;o) Stay tuned for a future blog about how my short temper is not always a classy thing . . . and how I'll lose my temper with someone but offer up some redeeming comment as I'm leaving. You know . . . so they don't think I'm a TOTAL jerk . . .

Tuesday Tops!

2010-01-05T11:51:00.000-08:00

Alrighty folks . . . I skipped last week it would seem, so here goes a lengthy (not quite) list of things I'm diggin' today.

1. Audrey Hepburn -- A colleague from work introduced me to the Stanford Theatre, which shows only classic movies. I missed the weekend where the double-feature was "Roman Holiday" and "Sabrina," and since I've never seen "Roman Holiday," she picked me up an on-sale DVD copy of it. I'm really excited to see it!

2. Coffee -- It's what I'm clutching for strength today.

3. Lush Cosmetics -- I've been using their toner, a face mask and moisturizer and I'm really liking what they are doing for my skin. I still have a length to go before I'm where I want to be, but hey, baby steps, right? (I take small victories any day -- especially today when my sleepy haze caused me to forget to put my sunscreen on. D'oh!)

4. Planning -- I'm on a OCD-planning kick right now (seems to crop up at least once a month) where my mustplaneverylastdetail nature is going into hyperdrive.

5. The Biggest Loser -- Okay, I know it's just a TV show, but I love it. It's so inspiring, so motivating. I mean, if there are 400-lb people willing to run a mile and work out like crazy to help get themselves healthy, there's no excuse for me not to jog around the block, right?

6. Mad Men -- Sorry . . . I know that TV rots your brain, but I'm in over my head with this one . . . I just got hooked. I've seen four episodes and On-Demand can't provide 'em fast enough for me . . . Must . . . Follow . . . Regularly!

7. Zombies -- Because apparently, with all this TV I'm watching, I'm bound to turn into one. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Okay, maybe not . . . If my sleeping doesn't improve, I may actually become one after all.

8. Tangrams -- Remember these? The square and triangles that you try to make into different shapes? Well, I found an app for my iPhone that had dozens of these puzzles. I had them all solved in two days, which of course meant I had to buy (for a whopping price of $0.99) the regular one to get "over 500 new puzzles!" I seriously fly through at least a dozen every day. Sooooooooooooooooo addictive.

9. Miso -- I'm pretty sure this has been on a Tops! list before, but I'm resurrecting it. If we are what we eat, then I am clearly fast, cheap and easy.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm done.

Sleepless in San Jose

2010-01-05T11:34:00.000-08:00

A second night of sleeplessness . . . An inability to fall asleep creates a panicky feeling that I might not wake to my alarm clock -- which perpetuates the inability to fall asleep.

For two nights I've taken long baths (complete with book, aromatherapy of the lavender-chamomile variety and a cup of herbal, decaf tea). For two nights I have tossed and turned trying to shut my mind off and Just. Go. To. Sleep.

Tonight, I am going to turn off all stimuli for at least an hour before bed -- phone on silent (alarm still works if phone is on silent), computer off, TV off. If I can't catch "The Biggest Loser" and finish watching it before 9:00 PM, I'll just have to watch it on On-Demand.

I'm thinking . . . bath, yoga, tea and reading and lights off by 9:45 to give myself time to fall asleep. I love sleep. I have absolutely no qualms about it. If I could get paid to do it, goshdarnit I would. Typically I sleep like a champ.

Not lately. Anyone reading . . . what are your strategies?

I wanna dance with somebody!

2010-01-04T12:50:00.000-08:00

This song, as dorky as this may sound, might be one of my all-time favorites. It's so happy, so energetic and when I hear it, yes, I do wanna dance with somebody. Namely a certain boy who lives in South Lake Tahoe.

Today is the first "official" day back in the office. Several of us worked here and there through the holidays (the only mandatory days off were the 24th & 25th and the 31st & 1st), but it was so quiet and goodness knows we didn't exactly crank out 8 hours worth of work on the days we were here. (The bosses okay'ed that, though. I swear.)

Last night, I stayed up waaaaaaaaaay too late talking to this handsome boy I'm dying to dance with (the last time we danced together was at a friend's wedding in 2007 - dang!) finalizing plans for my birthday. I am so jazzed about what we'll be doing that I had a hard time talking myself into going to sleep. This is becoming a recurring theme -- the last several nights Alex and I have talked have resulted in semi-sleeplessness for me because I'm so excited about some of the plans we're making together.

Why can't I be one of those normal people who can simply breathe, smile and drift into sleep knowing that something will happen eventually? Not me. I'm the one who's W-I-D-E awake thinking about all of the possibilities.

So even in my tired state, I'm still really stoked. My birthday (which I like to celebrate in the tradition of a national holiday) happens to fall on a Saturday this year (no deliberation over whether to go to work - yay!). Alex will be joining me in San Jose for the weekend and we'll be playing my favorite game -- "Bay area tourist."

On the to-do list: cross the Golden Gate Bridge, see the Winchester Mystery House (which will be the third trip for me in the last 2 months) and go to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Monterey is one of my favorite places in the world and the Aquarium is just so much fun. (Not to sound snobby, but my mom and I visited the National Aquarium in Baltimore several years ago -- we walked away thinking that the "national" aquarium needed to up the ante because it had nothing on Monterey.)

I am beside myself with excitement. And I might need a nap soon.

Happy New Year indeed!

2010-01-01T22:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon, I drove up to Sacramento to spend New Year's Eve with my honey. Some delicious dinner at my favorite Italian restaurant in Elk Grove, strolling downtown Sacramento and standing on Capitol Mall to watch the fireworks over Tower Bridge . . . So very nice. We split some champagne and kissed at midnight. Of course, without the advantage of Anderson Cooper or Dick Clark, we had to wing it on the countdown. I was watching the clock on my iPhone while we trotted across the Capitol Mall grass to get closer to Tower Bridge with me tugging on Alex's hand like I was a little kid, so eager to watch the fireworks.

I wish I'd had my camera, but alas, it was sitting on my bookcase in San Jose. I've realized that Alex and I really aren't (so far) one of those "picture couples." You know, the kind that photographically document everything. There's nothing wrong with doing that (please don't assume I'm judging), but it seems like it's not really our thing. I would like to make it a point, though, to start carrying my camera more . . . I did for a while, but not so much anymore.

I like optimism. I'm not always good about practicing it, but I like to believe in it. I like to think positively, I'm just lacking in the routine of practicing it.

Which brings me to my New Year's resolutions . . . I haven't always been good about keeping them (who is?), but these are resolutions with strategies, so I'm optimistic. (See? I'm getting better already.)

- Losing weight
This is a tried-and-true resolution, one that inspires many each year. I've recently joined Sparkpeople.com, an all-encompassing weight loss and motivation site. This website is . . . incredible, for lack of a better word. A nutrition and fitness log, a diet and exercise plan, forum, an advice center, a social network. To say that it 'has it all' would be putting it mildly. The best part, though is that as overwhelming as that sounds, they make it very user-friendly. Tutorials and guides to help you get used to using the website. I'm really jazzed about this and have gym plans tomorrow. ;o)
- Taking better care of my skin
Even into my 20s, I'm still dealing with teenager-ish acne. It can be really embarrassing and downright frustrating. I feel like it makes me look like a kid and I work in the so-called 'adult world.' So from tracking how much water I drink (Sparkpeople actually helps with that too), to washing my makeup brushes more regularly, to taking off my eye makeup every night and wearing sunscreen daily (I used to be religious about this), I've got plenty to work on.
- To learn a new language
Not to toot my own horn, but I'm good at languages. I'd like to try my hand at German or Spanish. Maybe work on recovering my French or ASL. But for fun, I think Russian, Italian or Chinese would be good choices. If I'm trying to get in touch with my roots, any Celtic language, Polish, and again Russian (I'm not Russian explicitly, but ancestors came from the Ukraine, where they likely spoke Russian).
- To run another marathon
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it right. I'm giving myself 12 weeks to start building my aerobic base again, but then I'd like to start adding distance runs and applying a training plan. Maybe I'll do the Seattle Rock & Roll Marathon in June? It would be a nice long weekend and a chance to check out a city that I'm not only dying to visit for the first time, but to live in as well.
- To log reading with Goodreads
I started an account with Goodreads.com a while back, but I'd like to get back into reviewing books. It's a neat site that keeps track of the books I'd like to read, have read and reviewed.

There are a few more, but I'll wrap up and not bore anyone reading too badly. ;o) Hope everyone had a happy New Year! May 2010 bring some fantastic new adventures.

To those reading, what are your resolutions?

Excited!!!!!!

2009-12-30T14:17:00.000-08:00

New Year's is almost year! Er, here. :o)

New Year's Day has to be my favorite holiday . . . ever. Hands-down, there is nothing I get more thrilled about than the promise that comes along with turning over a new leaf and starting fresh. I'm reminded that while New Year's comes once every year (hence the name, I'm sure), every day can be the start of something new, something good, something profound. Maybe it's hard to see, but at each phase of the journey, the best thing we can do is take a glance back, maybe linger over some memories that have truly shaped and defined us, and then turn our faces forward to walk into the future.

Now, before you start chiding me for being so gosh darn Pollyanna-esque, I should come clean and state that I am a chronic critic. It is my most crippling affliction. I resist change, I'm stubborn and obstinate mostly because I poke holes in ideas and feel that sometimes, if things can't be perfect from the get-go, they're not even worth attempting. So I'm sure you can imagine how hard this is to overcome. Every goal I've ever had (college, running a marathon, making my long distance relationships work) has been punctuated and peppered with the excuses I make for not following suit with Nike's mantra and just DOING it.

Back in April, I finished a marathon, which is big. Except, for all of the cheating and slacking I did because I didn't have the faith in myself to actually complete it, the accomplishment feels . . . tainted. It doesn't seem as sweet. It's something that I would think would motivate me to lace up my sneaks as soon as I recovered from the injuries I gained, but it didn't -- because I criticized my own victory. I'm so happy to be happy for others, but for myself? Not for long . . .

So where does this leave me? With some inspiration to actually embrace change. I'm not going to be a happy person (well, happiER person -- I still think in spite of my snap judgments and self-doubt that I'm a pretty happy person), I'm not going to be a runner again and I'm not going to be a more motivated person unless I PRACTICE them.

I'm sure this seems elementary, but at 22 years old, I'm finally getting it . . . just in time for New Year's, my favorite remember? So here we go . . . again. Practicing. Right now, I'm sitting in my workout pants, running socks (because cotton is rotten!), and my shirt from Big Sur (it was the first non-cotton shirt I pulled, but serendipitously enough, the one from my marathon). My Brooks Trance 8's are unlaced, right next to me. I have pulled my unusually well-behaved curls into a messy bun with the feeble hope that they will look just as good when I'm done. (But who are we kidding . . . Lightning really doesn't strike twice, does it?)

And I'm off to practice . . . :o)

A (belated) Merry Christmas!

2009-12-26T16:25:00.000-08:00

Christmas was very good this year -- I seemed to make Santa's good list again. :o)

On Christmas Eve, I went over to my parents house where we relaxed and played games. I don't know why, but I seem to have the MOST rotten luck with dominoes. I spent the night on the air mattress in the living room with the new puppy, Chunk, snuggled up with me. He's an under-the-covers snuggler, I was pleased to see. It was veeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyy cold in the living room, in spite of the heater, which I suspect may have contributed to why I'm feeling so awful today (another story).

We woke up and enjoyed some potato pancakes (my brother's request) before opening presents. I left with a mini food processor, a coffee grinder, cookbooks (including "Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone" by Deborah Madison -- a library lend that I was so excited about, I put in a request for it for my birthday -- this book is the bible of vegetarian cooking!) and many games.

One of the games I received was The Beatles edition Monopoly, which we played after all of the present merriness was over. I must say, I redeemed myself by dominating the Monopoly board. Granted, this is a game that can go on for a long time, but by the end of things, I owned everything but the utilities and railroads and had hotels/houses on everything I owned. I was pulling in $1200 every time someone landed on Park Place, etc. It was great! Perhaps I should have majored in business?

Anyway . . . I woke up this morning feeling pretty awful. I really didn't want to get out of bed. I slept past noon, rolled over and slept until 2:30 when I realized that I would have to go to the grocery store to get some soup, tea and cough syrup. (BTW, Campbell's minestrone soup is made with chicken stock!?! What the heck?!! Minestrone is supposed to be vegetarian. Thanks for ruining it for me, Campbell's.) I left with two kinds of cough syrup (one daytime, one nighttime) and some little food things that I like when I'm sick -- pepper jack cheese and Triscuit (the cheese doesn't help with the congestion, but it's tasty), some miso soup, and some chocolate cookies, but I don't think I'll be eating those for a while.

One glass of orange pineapple juice later, I have eaten a bowl of rice mixed into red miso soup (delicious, by the way) and have been camped on the couch. Alex shipped my Christmas present to me, but I'm hesitant to open it. I kind of want to wait until I see him next and he can open his. Hmm . . . Oh, the dilemma!

Belated Merry Christmas everyone! I'm going back to bed! :)

Robyn vs. The Library

2009-12-26T16:00:00.000-08:00

I have a problem -- a serious, crippling condition and it revolves around library books. I can walk into a library for one book and leave with seven. The problem really hits hard when it comes time for these books to be turned in. I don't know why, but I never seem to be able to finish them in an appropriate amount of time. So I end up renewing them. Again . . . and again . . . and again.

Before I know it, I've maxed-out in the number of times I can renew a book before it's required back at the library. And that's when I feel panicky, sad and resentful.

And so it came to pass that last week, a book that I really, truly have been meaning to read was due. And of course, in true Robyn form, I had renewed it the maximum number of times.

Realizing that I would have to turn the book in the following day or face an accumulation of fines until I did, I got clever. I decided it was time to take matters into my own hands and thwart the library.

The San Jose Public Library has close to a dozen branches. You can borrow books from any of them and if your particular branch doesn't have the book you're looking for, it's absolutely possible to request and receive it at your branch from another. Their library website also allows you to search for your book and see which location you can check it out. So, channeling my inner detective, I searched the library for the book I was going to face relinquishing.

And I found it! In the Almaden branch across the city (about 30 minutes from my apartment), there it was! I confirmed this around 2:00, waited anxiously for the clock to hit 5:00 to leave work, and I was off.

I raced traffic from Palo Alto to San Jose and found the library. I parked, pulled up the book info that I'd saved on my phone and set off in search of the shelf containing my book. I walked in, found the shelf . . . and searched.

Scanning numbers, scanning titles, I couldn't find it! I scoured the entire bookcase thinking perhaps it had been tucked away in the wrong spot, but no. After several minutes of feeling like a moron, I finally walked over to the library catalogue computer. Lo and behold, I had JUST missed it -- it had already been checked out! Never one to forget the lesson about lemons and lemonade, I looked around and found a couple of other books to peruse . . .

I looked up the main library page and raced off to the nearest branch that had the book -- a mere five miles away. Thankfully, I made it in time. I had my book! And the following day, I turned in the other copy, smugly smiling at my success in fighting the system.

Tuesday Tops!

2009-12-22T09:01:00.000-08:00

1. Being on time! -- I have actually posted this on time. I think that's quite a feat given the last couple of weeks . . . Crazy!

2. Coffee! -- It's been a rough few nights for sleep, which means I'm groggy-hungover the next day and dependent on coffee for energy for the day.

3. Starting over! -- I made a commitment to myself that I was going to cut back on sugar. So this morning I'm drinking a vanilla latte and eating petite vanilla scones. I guess we're starting again tomorrow . . . ;)

4. Hanson! -- I L-O-V-E-D these guys when I was a kid and for whatever reason, I woke up this morning with "Weird" stuck in my head. So I grabbed my copy of "Middle of Nowhere" (their first album) and listened all the way into work. It was nothing less than FABULOUS! I was so happy, smiley and motivated coming into work. I even brought the CD in so I can listen on my headphones while I crank out some news releases. I'm listening and reliving some very happy moments of my youth. :o)

5. Quiet! -- Half of the office is already on vacation, which means it's very quiet around here. Of course, there's enough to do, but it's still . . . which lends to thoughts of "The Shining" and trying to stay motivated to actually work . . .

He loves me? Yeah! He LOVES me!!!

2009-12-21T12:32:00.000-08:00

Friday, Alex came to visit me. It was already going to be such a sweet visit since we haven't seen each other for a little over a month, so I was looking forward to just being able to curl up on the couch with him and feel his arms around me.

In the midst of our cuddling (and smooching -- I won't lie), he lamented that he wished Tahoe were closer to San Jose (for those unfamiliar with California geography, it's approx. a four-hour drive). I told him, "Well, just so you know . . . I don't want to make a big thing of this and I don't want you to feel like you have to talk about it if you don't want to but . . . things seem to really be going well for us. Great even. If things are still progressing, still great in a year and a half or so, I'd like to talk about relocation. Namely, that I would have the option to move closer to you."

I love my job, don't get me wrong, but I know that it's an opener for something else . . . Whatever that is, I don't really know. I'd like to have my own special event coordination business someday -- something that would allow me to make a comfortable income but also provide an opportunity to work from home if I want to homeschool my kids or even just be at home with them. But obviously, that's something for the future and not even really planned for yet. I digress . . .

I wish I could have taken a picture of the smile on his face when I said that. He seemed so pleased that I would even be willing to make such a large gesture like that for him. I reiterated that it wouldn't be for a while, and that we didn't really have to talk about it if it seemed uncomfortable to him, but he assured me that there was no discomfort about it.

Flash forward some more snuggly-smoochy cuddling and finally I blurted it out . . .

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too."

And then . . . in a uniquely Robyn way, all I could think to say was, "Really? Because you don't have to say that if you don't want to . . . if you're not ready to or whatever."

(I know . . . leave it to me to squish a really sweet moment, right?)

He then told me that he was thinking about saying it for a while now, but wasn't quite sure if the sentiment would be reciprocated. I thought it was cute that he used 'reciprocated' in this context.

One day, I think we'll look back on this as the start of something beautiful, but for now it's a cutesy-chuckle-worthy moment in our relationship that blossomed perfectly in the most understatedly wonderful way.

(Have you gagged yet? I'm so sorry . . .)

A marathoner in recovery

2009-12-17T09:05:00.000-08:00

I'm a runner, though I'm not a fast one and I certainly don't do it well all the time. I also lack in the motivation department.

Last night, I ran. I ran without music (a real first) and it really wasn't bad. Granted, I barely made it a mile, but I still did it, right?

I'm redefining my goals for life. I'm really looking for some direction, but I'm trying to be patient in knowing that I've entered a season of my life that I can take some respite in. I can be still for a while. Since 2003, I have packed and moved all of my stuff 12 times. T-W-E-L-V-E!!! That's an average of 2 moves a year!! I can honestly say that I've never lived in one place for more than a year in all that time. Yes, I probably shouldn't count moving to and from my college campus, but then again, why shouldn't I? I packed and moved almost everything. I'm resting for a while. I'm staying put.

I look at my life and try to figure out what the next big change will be and it hits me -- I don't need to figure that out yet. I can relax. I can stop nitpicking. I don't have to plan yet. And that's when relief washes over me to know that there's no pressure for movement yet. I know at some points, I'll feel restless. I know I'll hit a level of "gotta get out of here" once in a while. But isn't that what vacation is for?

So I'm raising my glass to staying in one place. I'm toasting that life is good where it is and that I can simply abide. In this resting period, I know I have plenty of work to do on myself in preparation for the next big change (big move, graduate school, promotion, someday marriage -- whatever comes my way!)

I've never really placed much faith in horoscopes -- I typically chalk it up to something for me to pass time with and I've never read one and later thought, "Oh wow! That DID happen!" Today I flipped through our local paper for Capricorn -- my sign. It said: "You can substantially enhance your possibilities for success by relying more on yourself than anybody else. Establish your own goals, means of achievement and timetable." I took this as a confirmation that I'm in a good place right now and that this gear up for what's next is actually where I need to be.

But I've never been a patient person. I've never been one to sit still -- so here I am . . . realizing that I need to do just that. For my own personal growth, I would do well to sit still . . . to rest and rejuvenate for when I'm ready for the big change (whatever that may be). It's just the waiting that's the hardest part . . .

Tuesday Tops (late again . . .)

2009-12-16T10:06:00.001-08:00

My best friend from college, Joanna, has been visiting me here in San Jose. Yesterday was the last full day here, so we went to San Francisco for the day -- hence the delay in Tuesday Tops.

Soooooooo . . . without further adieu, this week's list.

1. San Francisco -- one of my favorite cities ever. Joanna and I hit Fisherman's Wharf & Pier 39, the Tenderloin district, went shopping on Market Street, rode a cable car and hiked up the scariest hill I've ever seen. We also drove down Lombard "Crookedest" Street, which was pretty cool. Didn't get a chance to hit some of the other items on our to-do list, but next time . . .

2. Vegetables -- I've been bad about eating them since Joanna's been here. Today and tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I'll be on a veggie fast . . . to get as much of 'em as I can.

3. Coffee -- Joanna and I were up until 3 am this morning just chatting. Those are great conversations, but boy if it doesn't leave you tired. (Sleep when you're dead, right?)

And we're done. :o) Short, but whatever.

It tugs at my heartstrings.

2009-12-11T08:13:00.001-08:00

I am an emotional creature. I didn't used to be, but I am now. I'm learning that I just need to embrace that I will NEVER be able to watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" without sobbing, that I will ALWAYS get teary when they give Beth the piano in "Little Women," that the magnitude of distance races overcomes me EVERY time (two 1/2 marathons and one full and I cried for all -- sobbed for the marathon), and the 'kindness of strangers' -- to quote Miss Scarlet O'Hara -- will get me every time.

My radio station here in the Bay area, Alice 97.3, decided to do a drive for Toys for Tots this holiday season. Last week, they stationed six hosts at different toy stores all over the Bay area and collected any money people had to give -- a check for whatever amount, rolls of pennies, pocket change. They raised $24,000 (yeah, you read that right) that day. The continued accepting online donations this week leading up to today, their toy shopping extravaganza. Currently, they've spent $10,000 on toys so far and have Marines helping them load up a big truck. They received another ten grand in donations this week, bringing their total spending budget to $34,000.

I cried.

Right there, when they said that, I cried. I'm having a hard time not getting a bit teary now. Because even though there are so many people hurting right now, this kind of generosity hits you. It really, truly hits you.

I'm learning to live with my tender heart and accepting that I will be the one you can always count on to cry at weddings, feel sad for animals who are hurting, will stick up for children's causes and will crusade for the greater good -- because it's just on my heart to do so.

I forgot Tuesday Tops!!!

2009-12-10T13:42:00.000-08:00

Guys, it's been a busy week. All two of you have probably sat there thinking, "Where's Robyn? Where's Tuesday Tops?" Never fear, I'm tardy but here.

So here's a list - albeit a bit late - things that are rockin' my world right now . . .

1. Joanna's coming to visit this weekend!!! And she's staying almost a whole week!!! On our plans -- San Francisco, a trip to Fresno (yeah, that's not thrilling, but there are people we want to see), the touristy things in Palo Alto/San Jose (like settling the Sprinkles vs. Kara's Cupcakes debate).

2. Pay day = Christmas shopping! Inevitably, it always seems that one paycheck ends up going toward the amalgamation of bills that keep coming in. (What do you mean I can't have my car for free? I'm so nice! I drive it so well! And I have to PAY to live here?! What, are you people on glue???? Why aren't you paying ME to live here?!) Indignation aside, I pay them happily and remind myself that this season of life is preparing me for the inevitable mortgage I will one day have, the college tuition that I will one day start saving for because, heck, my someday-kids will be nerds. There's no fighting it. I am liking, however, that this particular paycheck has paid off almost all of my bills for the month (just a couple that need to be tended to) and there's enough leftover for gas and Christmas presents.

3. Amy's burritos -- a budding vegetarian sometimes doesn't have the time or energy to whip up deliciousness (though I looooooooove cooking), so Amy's is a good standby to have in my freezer. I keep the soup in the cupboard too. De-lish.

4. Salt & vinegar chips. I've always loved them, but lately I've been wanting them soooooooooooooooooo much. I need to quit. Cold tofurkey. If I don't, I will eat them until the acid burns a hole in my tongue.

5. My gym membership -- for now. There's a discussion that hospital employees may lose their access to University facilities. This is awful. I'm really annoyed. I hope they work that out . . .

Tuesday Tops

2009-12-01T22:25:00.000-08:00

I'd like to start a new tradition: Tuesday Tops. Inspired by one of my favorite blogs and their weekly "Friday Flowers" posts, I decided to do something that comes naturally - lists! I am a list-writing fiend. I list everything and I'm obsessive about it. I color code, rank by importance and scratch it off as I go. It's a sickness. So I've decided to channel this into something positive: lists of good things happening, things I like at the moment, stuff I'm really "into" every Tuesday. Length will vary, I think, but between 5 and 10 should be fine, right? Right. :o)

So here goes nothing . . .

Things I'm Liking:
1. Christmas music
2. The West Wing
3. Eggnog (Mmmmmmm . . . Two glasses tonight - this does not bode well for my waistline.)
4. Brushing my teeth (I've always been pretty good with it, but lately I'm more appreciative.)
5. Blogs (I love them . . . If I could make a career of reading blogs, I would.)
6. The White House (Maybe I've been watching too much West Wing, but if I were called tomorrow and asked to work in the White House, even if it were seemingly unimportant or had a small salary, I'd jump for it.)
7. Busy-ness (I will be in Fresno this weekend, have Joanna visiting next weekend and Alex visiting the following weekend - I'm hoping I can squeeze some Christmas shopping in somewhere.)

Quirks.

2009-11-24T10:52:00.000-08:00

I have . . . quirks. I'm not sure if that's the best word for them, but yes, that's pretty much what they are. Sometimes they're my Achilles' heel, but most of the time, they just make others chuckle at my own uniqueness.

I got caught yesterday singing and (sort of) dancing in my car. I drive with the windows down and the music up -- at times, regardless of temperature. Last night, I was in a turn lane going home from work and a van was in the turn lane next to me. As I was nodding my head and singing along to my favorite Steve Miller Band song ("Jet Airliner," if you must know), I glance over and notice the guy in the van with his window down, giving me a thumbs up. Apparently I passed muster with the electrician -- my musical tastes are acceptable. Embarrassed, I smiled and gave a little wave. Thankfully, at that moment, the light turned green.

Welcome to my life.

The ABC's of Robyn (because I got bored at work)

2009-11-19T13:05:00.001-08:00

A is for . . . Alex - my adorable boyfriend. I really wish he were closer. I feel like a bad girlfriend for that, though -- it is quite a selfish wish.
B is for . . . Boobs, because I can't stand mine. How am I supposed to sufficiently strap these down for running? I mean really . . . B could also stand for 'bruises,' which I seem to be covered with at any given moment. (Case in point: a lovely little blueish-hued patch on my shin is forming after said shin collided with my desk.)
C is for . . . Clumsy, which is a pretty accurate description of me and one that goes hand-in-hand with B for bruises.
D is for . . . Dogs. I love them. I never thought I would be a dog person, but I totally am. I miss the babies at my parents' house and contemplate clever ways to kidnap them and take them to my apartment. D could also stand for 'directionally-challenged,' which seems to mark my everyday existence.
E is for . . . Elizabeth, my middle name, which I've never especially loved but feel like I'm slowly growing into.
F is for . . . FAIL, which is a resounding chorus when I attempt a great number of things.
G is for . . . God, who reminds me to slow down, stop trying to take the wheel and be thankful for my many blessings. G is also for Grammy, a human being who also reminds me of many things I think God wants to teach me.
H is for . . . Health -- something I'm striving for in many ways, but am sometimes too lazy to really commit to. I slack off, I cheat, I rationalize my lack of activity with my (somewhat) healthy eating habits. I am working on it, though.
I is for . . . Inspiration, which I struggle to find but nevertheless feel profoundly when it happens.
J is for . . . Jokes, which I seem to make a lot of. J is also for "joe," as in a cup of, without which I couldn't function as a human being.
K is for . . . Kites, which I have never flown.
L is for . . . Long-distance. I seem to love it: long-distance drives, long-distance running, long-distance relationships. I don't know what my draw is to any of these situations, but I have an inexplicable pull towards all of them -- perhaps because the first is pacifying, the second is challenging and the third allows to grow my abilities to pay attention to, make time for, and care about a person other than myself.
M is for . . . Manners, which I am told some are a stickler for. I know I'm not perfect, but would it kill you to return calls or messages? I mean, really, getting married is no excuse . . . I've known people with more to do than work and plan a wedding who are a million times better than you at this. Which makes me wonder . . . If you've got work, school and no wedding to plan, how busy can you be that 30 seconds of a text message or 4 minutes for a phone call is TOO much in a 24-hour day?
N is for . . . Nonsense and the fact that I really try not to put up with it. I call it like I see it (mostly) and do what I can to bring up issues so I don't blow up over them later.
O is for . . . "Oh crap" -- my favorite daily expression. Also stands for "optimistic" -- something I struggle to be on some days, but find no problems with maintaining on others. (Why is that?)
P is for . . . Patience, something that I don’t think I've ever possessed. This particular 'p' word makes me think of my friend Hollyanne and her husband, Simon, and how I could learn oh-so-many lessons from them.
Q is for . . . Quick wit, which I'm told is something I actually have. Hurray for small victories!
R is for . . . Random -- the story of my life. Could also stand for relationships, which also say a lot about my life.
S is for . . . Silence, which at times tells me so much more than words ever could. Often silence is peaceful, but when coming from a phone it can be painfully deafening. S is also for standards and mine are high.
T is for . . . Therapy, which my future children will need much of. 'T' is also for tonsils, which I still have.
U is for . . . Understanding, which I try to be - especially when I'm hearing things that I really don't understand. I hate excuses, cop-outs and lame offerings of apology, but if you really want me to understand something, please explain . . . I'm curious.
V is for . . . Vehicular manslaughter, which is I guess is the appropriate term for what I would do to all of the rude people I encounter every day. Also stands for "vivacious vixen" which is what I envision myself as when I'm actually jiggling all over the treadmill. (See "h" and the note about "working on it.")
W is for . . . Watermelon. I could eat my weight in it, quite literally. It's not officially summer until I've had some.
X is for . . . Xmas, which is the most annoying misspelling I've ever seen. Really, you're too lazy to spell out "Christmas"? Dang . . . I feel sorry for you, son.
Y is for . . . YOU -- who are probably more important to me than you'll ever even realize. Y is also the distinguisher in my name - Robyn. I get the biggest kick out of people spelling it right on the first try without asking.
Z is for . . . Zero - the number of things that I can think of to say at this point, the number of excuses I'm usually willing to accept and the number of times I have been to San Diego, which seems like a travesty.

On a crisp morning . . .

2009-11-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

I'm drinking coffee sweetened with a bit of raw sugar. (I know, I know - I gave it up, right? I felt weak this morning . . .)

I have a lunchbox full of goodies -- miso soup, spinach salad, avocado, tomato, and an orange. And kombucha! Can't forget that . . .

I'm listening to Simon & Garfunkel.

I'm supposed to be working on webpages (in a minute . . .).

I am thankful. Life is sweet in this moment - even the stuff that's not so fun or sweet, I can ignore for just a second to embrace that overall, things are good. In a few short moments, I will likely be pulling my hair out or jumping the gun on something, but right now, I'm good.

Results are in!

2009-11-18T11:36:00.000-08:00

The dal turned out DELICIOUS! I'm posting a picture below, but I promise it looked prettier! (I put in the dollop of yogurt and realized as I started to stir that I wanted a picture much like Rachel's, where I found the recipe.)

Next time, I'll make the trip to get the jalepeno pepper -- it would have done well to have that additional heat to the dish. Rest assured, though, if you're not a fan of spicy, this is still delicious without it.

It took me a while to make . . . probably close to 35-40 minutes, but it was my first time, so I was a little nervous about a.) having everything, b.) doing it in the correct order and c.) not just 'winging it' as I often do. I'm almost positive I'll be able to cut about 10 minutes off my time the next time I make this.

Happy cooking! :)

P.S. Whole Foods designed an iPhone app that allows you to search recipes based around special diets (gluten free, vegan, etc.). This will make my culinary experiences so much more fun, I think.

Vegetarianism: Week 2

2009-11-17T12:24:00.000-08:00

I've finalized my challenge details: one new food each week, using it in as many recipes as I can. (And by "as many," I mean "most likely 1-2".)

Will be cooking lentils tonight. I have never cooked lentils before, but this seems interesting. I have the spices needed to make dal, an Indian lentil stew (sort of), but I have no experience. This could be interesting . . .

Things I'm loving today:
- my boyfriend texts me this morning to tell me that he drove from his house to school with his glasses on top of the car (I really did laugh out loud at that point)
- kombucha
- my salad (lettuce, tofu, avocado and chardonnay vinaigrette)
- going home to a (somewhat) clean apartment (Laura came over for dinner last night, so I frantically tidied up proving that I need to have company over more often)
- the prospect of cooking

Cat Stevens (see also: Why I'm in Love.)

2009-11-13T09:46:00.000-08:00

I love Cat Stevens. I have a collection of some of his more well-known songs, but I aspire to own every album he's made on vinyl. No joke. Below you'll find me jotting some thoughts about my favorite songs by him:

Bitterblue
This song makes me want to dance energetically and joyfully. I can hear this come on in my car and it automatically propels me into a much better mood. Of course, I have never heard it on the radio, which means I'm forced to listen to it on my CD player . . . on repeat of course. ;o)

Father and Son
I think I literally wept hearing this the first time. The discourse between a father and his son (hence the title, Robyn), it really gets to me. At one point, his voice breaks with emotion and you can feel your heart wrenching . . . just a little.

Peace Train
My inner hippie loves this . . . I love the optimism, the camaraderie.

Where Do the Children Play?
This song breaks my heart just a bit with the truth of it. I always picture an inner city neighborhood and try to imagine what it's like to be a kid playing baseball in a not-so-safe park. Though he's not really talking about that, it's what comes to my mind.

The First Cut is the Deepest
I think what gets to me every time about this song is how bright, almost cheery it sounds . . . until you listen to the words. The hurt, the pain is very carefully played upon in an almost tongue-in-cheek way, which I have always thought to be very clever. This is probably his most well-known song, but that doesn't deter me at all.

Anyway . . . Just a few of my (many) favorites. My CD of his music is getting worn out and I've only had it a few years. :o)

The accidental vegetarian

2009-11-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

At the end of August, my family put down one of our beloved golden retrievers, Scooter. Throughout the last few years of his life, the words "asshole", "punk", "jerk" and "bully" were bandied about to describe him. He was the kind of dog that wanted to be the alpha dog, but since Rosie (our oldest golden and the REAL alpha dog) put him in his place about it, he settled for stealing toys from Hunter, our middle child and total pushover.

Scooter once swallowed a dishtowel. (Yes, you read that correctly.) After a very expensive operation, he was fine, but before it had blocked him up so bad he couldn't get anything down. (The dog didn't just eat it, he swallowed it whole.) After that, he had some intestinal issues from time to time.

Then, last summer, we noticed that he was having problems with more frequency. In March, we thought we were going to lose him when he couldn't even keep water down. He was severely dehydrated and stayed overnight at the vet hospital because he had been vomiting so much and couldn't even drink water. They said there wasn't a blockage, that it didn't look like a parasite, and were fairly confident that whatever had hit him had passed but they kept him to keep him hooked up to an IV for the night.

Flash forward a few months . . . The vomiting is happening again. At first it was occasional and we figured he had just reacted to eating too quickly. It became more frequent, but the vets we were taking him to couldn't find anything wrong. Labs, ultrasounds and other tests were coming back clean.

Ten years ago, we lost our first golden retriever, Sam, to lymphoma and in the midst of all of Scooter's health problems, the terrifying thought hit us that we were experiencing the same thing all over again. Scooter started to refuse food, partly I think because he knew he couldn't keep anything down. At this point he was on a diet of boiled rice and chicken, which isn't really healthy for dogs but it's easy on their tummies when they're sick.

We finally came to terms with the fact that there wasn't anything we could do for Scooter. He had no quality of life and our snugglebug was suffering. The last Saturday in August, we took him up to Elk Grove (where we have always received excellent vet care) and had him put down. Our vet in San Jose had weighed him the week before and he clocked in at 80 pounds (he was a big boy). Dr. G in Elk Grove weighed him before we put him to sleep and he was 68 pounds.

I don't care what the lab panels say, if he lost 12 pounds in a week (15% of his body weight), there was something eating him from the inside. Dr. G said that we had every reason to believe that he had something serious that would likely only show up when it was too late. We said it probably was too late. The dog was too young for more surgery (he'd had several over five years), was too sick to eat and was suffering.

As hard as it was, we truly believed we were being merciful by putting him to sleep. And even months later, we're still struggling with it. We miss seeing him. I miss the way his eyes would close when you scratched his head in just the right spot. I always laughed at him because he seemed to think he was this petite puppy who could cuddle up to your neck -- perfect snuggle size -- except he was 80 pounds of blonde ambition. I'm chuckling as I write this because I'm picturing Hunter on the floor, chomping away on a Nylabone and Scooter walking up to him and snatching it. No contest from Hunter.

My dog was a great dog and I still wish there were more things we could have done. But the only thing we could do to ease his suffering was put him to sleep. He died with dignity - we couldn't bring ourselves to let him go on and not be able to do normal things (like eating) without major intervention and if we had, he was slowly starving to death already.

Yet so many animals die horrible, ugly deaths needlessly. I don't care if they can't communicate with me like a human being, they still can experience pain, fear and suffering. And it's because I couldn't stop Scooter's suffering that I feel the need to stop the suffering of other animals. I can't change anyone's mind on this (and I'm not sure I'd want to purposely do that), but I can feel peace with myself for not creating a greater demand for meat - one that causes other animals to suffer.

Culturally speaking, I could never imagine eating dog meat. However, I have (up until now) seen no problem with beef. There are parts of the world where this is exactly the opposite and really it's our social, cultural moors that define which animals we feel okay with consuming.

I've dabbled with vegetarianism before, but it's only been recently that I have really thought through my feelings about animals what I feel I can give back to them. And I'm pretty sure choosing not to eat meat is a big start for me. Scooter was a part of our family - a very important part - and there still seems to be a shadow on the house when his name is mentioned. We had him cremated and the box of ashes was on the mantle until it became just too hard for my mom.

I love animals and I don't think I'll be eating them anymore.

Fines and fees

2009-11-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad the library let me pay my fees online -- I never even had that option in Fresno which meant if I wasn't able to physically go down there and pay my fines, they would acrue even higher until I did.

Of course, I probably should be returning my stuff so as not to incur fees, right?

Right.

Better luck next time, kid . . . Of course, two days late gets me $3 in fees for six DVDs, but still, it's the principle of the matter. The nice thing is, they let me renew the DVDs (even though they were overdue - some libraries don't do that with media), so I have a few more days to watch the movies I set out to watch in the first place.

Life, and the need of one.

2009-11-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

I really do need a life.

I feel like one of those pathetic girls who goes to work, does what she's told and goes home to wait for her boyfriend to call.

Seriously. That's exactly how my days have been going so far. While I love my job and think my boyfriend is a pretty great guy, I feel an itch to be doing something more. I was kicking around the idea of an evening class at the nearby JC, but obviously, that's not something that can happen right now since we're well past enrollment. Maybe next semester.

In the mean time, I'm dying to climb again. I have no calluses on my hands. No rock climbing muscles . . . I used to love climbing so much. (And from a girl-who-is-trying-to-watch-that-figure's perspective, you'd be amazed at how many calories you torch in an hour of climbing -- upwards of 800. No joke.)

During the summer after graduation, I recommitted to the sport that I'd only engaged in a mild flirtation with -- and I ended up with a broken heart. Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but I did rip open a few of my fingers and sprain my ankle when I fell about 15 feet off the rock wall and I wasn't clipped in. (Yeah, not one of my brighter moments.)

Getting back into climbing after that was tricky. Initially, I'd go back to the gym, clip myself into the auto-belay and try to climb on. I never made it to the top, I'd drop myself down before getting 3/4 of the way up. The first try was the most successful, but I compulsively checked my waist to visually confirm that, yes, I was clipped in, I was secure, I was fine. However, looking at my waist also meant peripherally looking down, which would catch my breath and drain the blood from my face quite literally.

About a week later, I was at the gym trying to get back on the horse (er, wall). I grabbed holds, put my feet on the wall and climbed another two holds. My feet were about five feet from the floor, my head closer to ten, but I couldn't do it. Every time I dared reach higher, nausea hit my stomach and I felt lightheaded, fuzzy and faint.

I've never been an especially skittish person. I've not shied away from many challenges, but those walls were so beyond daunting. It took actually belaying with a friend about a month after the accident to help me feel more secure (I could feel the tension in the rope- ergo, I knew I couldn't fall.)

Yet I miss it.

The Arillaga Sport Center (the most accessible rock wall for me) at Stanford offers membership to Stanford employees for $20. Total. For that bargain price, I get a badge that I swipe at the door and I can climb to my heart's content.

So back to my original point of getting a life . . .

I've also filled out a volunteer application with San Jose Animals. I'd like to volunteer at a shelter, socializing dogs and cats to be adopted. But I also signed up for customer service work as well. Wherever they'll have me, I'll go.

Between the gym and animals, I think I'll have a much more interesting life. Or so I'm hoping . . .

Persona non grata

2009-10-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

Indeed. I feel a bit . . . dejected. As stupid as that sounds, I really am feeling a bit lonely today. I don't want sympathy or whatever, but I'm finding that I really need to do a better job of reaching out. I'd really rather be here right now:

Picture this . . .

2009-10-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Except it's shrill and coming from my mouth . . .

Baby steps . . .

2009-10-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

So I didn't wake up at the unholy hour of 5:30 this morning, I settled for 6:30. Or rather, I woke up around 5:30, but kept resetting the alarm and hitting the snooze button until 6:30. To-may-to, to-mah-to, right? Baby steps . . .

Anyway . . . Still feeling pretty awake. Relatively rested despite a marathon phone conversation with A that lasted until 12:30-ish. How are we able to talk sooooooo long about what seems like nothing??? I mean, I learn something new about him with every conversation, which is amazing, but it seems like we cycle through fairly uninteresting questions that always end up turning into long discussions. Clearly, the boy and I will be able to chat for years to come . . . or so it would seem.

He's pretty stinkin' awesome. I'm a lucky girl, indeed. :o)

The challenge . . .

2009-10-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

I am hereby undergoing a complete and total revolution . . .

I'm giving up sweets. Cold turkey. None of this "oh, it's been a little while, maybe I should get a cupcake" junk. No more "maybe just one piece of candy." And I am so done with this "well, I had a salad for lunch . . ." crap.

I'm done.

Over it.

No more sweets! (For at least a month.) I figure once Thanksgiving rolls around, I'll reevaluate the plan and see how things are going. However I think this may have a much more long-term effect than I am anticipating.

Simple solutions to deeper needs.

2009-10-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I feel really sad. I mean, really sad. Often because I get frustrated about things I am not able to control.

Today, things that have happened over the last couple of days cropped up in my brain and started percolating. Coupled with the realization that my "I love being a homebody" attitude is becoming something of a hindrance and now I just feel crappy.

So I went to get a cup of coffee.

Nothing fancy, just coffee and some half-and-half, but it really has done wonders to improve my mood. Even though there's coffee here at the office, I think it makes it a bit more special to go and have someone make it for you. It gives me a reason to pause, smile and remind myself that sometimes things are out of my hands for a reason.

And then I smile because I realize I have bigger (read: better) things to care about.

Seems a little cryptic, I know, but I just wanted to say . . . I love coffee moments.

Sometimes, improvising can be better...

2009-10-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

I forget things. Little things, things that are really forgettable up until I really need them. Namely stuff at the grocery store.

Tonight was no exception as I hit up Trader Joe's after work. Knowing that I needed black pepper and chicken broth for the soup I am wanting to make, I shop around and pick up a crusty, delectable loaf of sourdough bread, mango mochi ice cream balls, produce, etc. I kept going right down my list, paid for my loot and went home. In my kitchen, I start cooking the chicken, seasoning it a bit and simultaneously boiling broth. I chop and put in the veggies and noodles.

Then and only then do I realize: I've forgotten the broth (I had some but was sure it wouldn't be enough) and the black pepper.

I made do with the pepper grinder (on normal occasions, I prefer fresh ground pepper but it's not practical for cooking).

The tricky part was the broth... Thankfully, in my cupboard was a box of vegetable broth. Not what I would have liked, but doable. I poured some in and later added some water, but surprisingly enough, it turned out good. Really good!

So sometimes plans don't work out, but tonight showed me that the last-minute, make-do improvisations can be even better...

Robyn's Chicken Soup:
- about 20 oz. chicken broth
- one chicken breast, cubed
- spaghetti noodles (about two servings)
- celery
- carrots
- green onions
- 1 small yellow onion
- oregano, salt and pepper

1. Cook chicken covered in a pan.

I seasoned the chicken with oregano, garlic powder (because I was lazy and didn't feel like mincing garlic), and salt & pepper.

2. While chicken is cooking, chop about two celery branches (sticks?), one medium carrot and the onions
3. In a stock pot, pour in broth and veggies. Bring to a boil, stir in noodles

Lookin' good so far!

4. Season chicken with oregano, garlic powder and salt & pepper.
5. When noodles are soft, stir in chicken. Let simmer for 15 minutes

Okay, that's kind of a haphazard recipe, but it was good... Really good. The vegetable broth I used gave it a nice golden (non-yellow) tone. I had two bowls and there's leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Score!

Delicious.

P.S. Please ignore my cluttered couch . . . I've been organizing paperwork all week. Er, trying . . .

On "why being a grown-up sucks sometimes."

2009-10-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

Being a grown-up really sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I love being an adult. I like taking care of myself, I like cooking and cleaning for myself . . . I even like the whole paying bills bit (somewhat) because it reminds me of my freedom -- I am supporting myself, I am making my life as comfortable as I can.

But sometimes, it really stinks. The whole budgeting thing is something I still feel like I'm getting used to . . . and part of the reason why I wish my parents had decided to give us allowance as kids. (They always had the mindset of, "if you need it, we'll find a way to make it happen" . . . as well as trying their best to make sure we had what we wanted as well, to some degree.) I feel like not having been given an allowance, not being allowed to have an after school job in high school has somehow contributed to bad financial habits. But I know I'm not the only one.

Example: A friend of mine grew up not knowing what having an allowance was like, not learning firsthand about spending money wisely and didn't immediately grasp that having a debit card is NOT like having a credit card. Within a few weeks of having the debit card, they had racked up over $250 in bank fees, not to mention what they overdrew by . . . A $3 cup of coffee at Starbucks that now costs $25-30 because of the overdraft charge is a little ludicrous to think about.

Another friend: This friend of mine really aggitates me at times. For working for a tax firm, they have no concept of spending wisely. I lent them some money a couple of years ago . . . which I still haven't seen. But redecorating their house (to the tune of about $700 -- enough to cover what I lent them almost 10 times) is apparently a more worthwhile cause than paying down debts. What if I were a bank? What if I charged interest? Would this have guaranteed payment sooner? Now, I have always struggled with being assertive about the things that I need - especially when it comes to money. It's the most difficult thing in the world for me to say, "Umm, you do remember that I let you borrow money, right? Borrow." It's even more difficult to say that when what I want to say is, "Are you going to pay me back or not?!? Because if you're not, just tell me so I remember to never help you out again."

But that doesn't come across very nicely, does it?

Today was pay day, but because of the timing of my bills, my paycheck shrunk drastically in about 5 minutes -- the length of time it took me to make my car payment online, put some money into my savings account, write a check for my rent and balance my checkbook. The leftover is less than 1/4 of what came in, and even though it's more than enough for groceries and gas for the next two weeks, it still leaves me . . . wanting. Still makes me wish a tiny bit that I could just fill my apartment with things that I like.

Silly I know since I can use that money not just for the necessities, but for greater pleasures like hosting friends for a weekend or driving up to see Alex for a couple of days -- all infinitely more worth being able to buy a couple of bar stools or hit up IKEA for some mixing bowls any sooner.

But the 'wanting' thing is hard sometimes, which is why I'm trying to get a new perspective on things.

I'm learning though . . .

Idea in the works...

2009-10-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

I've been following the Nester off and on this month as she features daily tips/ways to make one's living space even more personal and nest-like. Given my affinity for learning to cook, it challenges me to ask myself: could I commit an entire month to cooking? Could I actually attempt such a large-scale blogging task?

I really think I could...

Details to be determined, but preliminary ideas include:
- a new recipe every day, though not a new recipe for each meal
- no repeats (yeah, you read that right)
- blog daily about recipes, results and (hopefully) include photos with each post

So there you have it. A challenge in the making... Like I said, details are going to be worked out soon, especially since I don't know what my holiday plans will be. I'm already liking the plan though...

Bacon cheddar potato soup

2009-10-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the dreary, Edgar Allan Poe weather began again, which naturally made me so happy and inspired me to attempt potato soup again. This time, I decided to make some modifications and perhaps not follow the recipe quite so rigidly.

Bingo -- about a hundred times better than last time . . .

Potato Soup
- 4-6 strips of bacon cooked and cut into small pieces
- 2 large Russet potatoes, cubed
- 2 14oz. cans of chicken broth
- 3-4 green onions chopped, greens and whites
- 1 1/2 cups milk (I used 2%)
- roughly 1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
- shredded cheddar cheese (I like extra sharp, but to each their own - colby-jack is also a good choice for potato soup)
- salt & pepper

1. Cube potatoes and put them in stock pot. Cover with chicken broth and bring to a boil.
2. Reduce heat and let simmer for 15-20 minutes.
3. Remove from heat and mash at potato pieces with a potato masher or fork (don't do this too much, you just want to break them up a bit more, not into too-tiny pieces)
4. Return to heat and stir in bacon, onions, thyme and milk. Cook for 15 minutes covered.
5. Serve with shredded cheese and salt & pepper to taste.

Soooooooooooooooooooo good and really tasty the second time around.